Back To Life
by CarlaPeterLove
Summary: The sequel to Four Minutes.
1. My Best Friend, My Husband

I said I didn't want to be here.

I said I didn't want to be around newlyweds.

I said I didn't want to be around so much alcohol but no, Michelle Connor or should I say McDonald knows better than that doesn't she.

She invited me over saying that she wants to talks to me yet she's barley spent anytime out here.

I love Michelle, I really do but she is a real pain in the arse sometimes.

I mean why call me when you obviously can't actually be bothered to sit and talk to me… maybe she just wants to keep an eye on me seeing as Roy is out with Cathy tonight. That's the second time this week so it seems like things are going well between them.

I'm happy for Roy, I really am but sometimes it's like wow… even Roy flamin Cropper has a better social life than me at the moment.

You know when I think about it, I'm not actually sure I want Michelle out ere now. I know exactly what she's going to say.

She'll start the conversation about something trivial like the weather or what movie she watched the night before but then she will casually change the topic to ask if I'm okay. I'll say yes and she'll ask if I'm sure and then say that she's really worried about me and that she really wants me to come and stay at the pub.

I know exactly how the conversation will go because that's the way all our conversations go these days.

Michelle is my best mate, I know she means well, I know that she cares for me but I sometimes just wish that she wasn't such a good mate, I wish that she didn't care so much and then maybe that way I could just be miserable and no one would ever have to know about it.

I am really starting to hate being sat here like this.

As I said, I've explained it all to Michelle already. I've explained the reasons why I don't want to be here…

Well… maybe not all of them but I guess it really wouldn't make a difference if I did tell her the other reason why I don't want to be here, Why I especially don't want to be in this particular room, There are far too many memories for me in here.

I've experienced some of the worst moments of me life in this room.

I mean this is the very room where I found out that my husband was banging the babysitter.

That beautiful little twenty-something who had the world at her feet could have had any man on this street, yet she chose the ageing ex-alcoholic bookie.

Why did she do that?

He was mine. That ridiculously charming, idiotic and gorgeous man was all mine.

How could she have taken him from me like that?

Maybe it was karma. I mean I did take him from Leanne so maybe it was only fair that I got what's coming to me.

This room is also the very same room that he begged me for forgiveness in and this where I promised him that we would never ever get back together.

That was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. To pretend that I had moved on and that my feelings had changed when in reality, I'm still as in love with the stupid beggar as I was before I found about him cheating.

I can't sit here anymore… Oh why didn't I just stay at Roy's, I so could have been on Netflix right now, and I could be sat there pretending that my life wasn't such a mess. I could be trying to escape from it all but no, I'm here, in the place where not just my relationship but also my entire world came crashing down.

I've told Michelle I'm doing just fine so why does she continue to treat me like I'm some sort of unstable mental patient who's gonna have a breakdown at any minute?

Okay...

So maybe I'm not fine, maybe I'm so far from fine that I am desperately considering just upping and leaving Weatherfield for good.

Only…I don't want people to think I'm some sort of quitter, like I'm some sort of coward who can't handle a bit of bitchy backstabbing and some silly neighbourhood gossip.

Me leaving would be letting all those moronic idiots win.

They would absolutely relish the idea of me packing up and leaving here for good so it's actually better that I stay… just so I don't give them the satisfaction of beating me.

Besides… me leaving wouldn't help me in the slightest.

It's not like I wouldn't still feel alone.

I wouldn't feel whole again.

Those pieces of me, the ones that are missing, the ones that made me happier than I've ever been, they wouldn't come back if I left, although they seem to be gone forever now.

But just in case they're not gone, just in case those missing pieces decide to come back to me one day, I'll stick around.

I didn't know it before the fire, I didn't realise how much it all still hurts.

I don't cry in front of Michelle.

I don't cry in front of Roy.

I don't cry in front of anyone.

I make sure I do it alone, when there's no one looking.

The last thing I need is for the people round ere to see just how weak I've become.

I feel hopeless... like nothing can save me.

I thought that things like this were supposed to get better with time… but they don't.

In fact the more I wait for things to get better the more I realise that my life is a shadow of what it used to be.

I used to ave Hayley, she were the most amazing woman I'd ever met and I miss her so much. I'm glad I've still got Roy though and I like to think he's a good influence on me.

I used to have my baby brother and now he's in prison because of me, because he loved me so much and because my life is such a mess, that the only way he thought could stop me from hurting was to murder someone. I miss Rob everyday and every time I look at a photo of us my heart aches.

I used to have a husband… The most handsome, the funniest man I'd ever met… I'd never admit it to Chelle but he were also my best friend. I miss him too, I miss him the most. I miss him so much that it physically hurts, so much that I would put up with all of that bad stuff that came with being with him… just so I could have the good.

I used to have a little family, Simon were never too fond of me to begin with but I was very slowly starting to win him over… slowly but surely

I used to have a baby… Well I almost had a baby… Me, Carla Connor pregnant? That were a sentence I never thought I'd say but now I'd give absolutely anything to be able to say it again.

I used to be liked round ere, it took a while but it happened, People eventually forgave me for Liam and they liked me for who I was.

Now everybody hates me again, all because of some stupid candle.

I've been trying to tell people that it was an accident but they don't believe me and hey why should they? The fireman said that the fire was started in my flat by a candle, so why would the people round ere think any thing different? Hell it's not like my word means anything anymore.

But… I am so sure that I blew that stupid candle out… So sure.

Or…

Maybe I didn't.

Maybe I'm going out of my mind.

I wouldn't put it past me to be honest. I mean I've done a LOT of stupid things in the past, and I sure as hell don't feel like myself right now.

I feel as if the real me is slowly starting to fade away. I feel as if I'm losing that fight I once had in me, I'm losing that fire in my belly and the worst part of it all is that I'm losing myself and I really don't care.

I should care...

I should be holding my head high and I should be showing people that Carla Connor is a force to be reckoned with.

I mean if I don't save myself who will?

It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back but I think I can do it... I hope I can do it.

Michelle last came to check on me about fifteen minutes ago, She said she'd be back soon but she hasn't come back yet n I've had enough of this.

I try to imagine what Hayley would say to me, I try to picture her sitting in front of me, looking at me in that way that only she could get away with.

I try to imagine her sweet little voice, she'd say something like "Come on Mrs Connor, stop feeling so sorry for yourself because life is far to short to be miserable." and She would be right.

I'm not waiting ere any longer. I get up and walk through the bar, trying to find Michelle. The cheek of it, She's stood chatting away to Steve as if she has nothing better to do with her time.

I don't ave a clue what she is thinking right now, I mean why would she invite me over, keep me out back, tell me that she was busy and that she would come and talk to me soon but then stand there and chat away to her husband instead?

I roll my eyes and walk up to her, ignoring the dirty looks from Leanne… I'm more than used to getting those by now.

The crazy thing is that I really thought that me and Leanne had almost managed to make friends again, even after everything we've been through, she was even the one who dragged me out of my burning flat for god's sake, but now… now it seems like Leanne will never talk to me again.

Not that I blame her of course, I mean I did kill her almost fiancé after all.

I guess I should understand how she is feeling, I mean I've lost many men in me life, I've been there, I could offer some support if Leanne wanted, Although I reckon she probably wants me to disappear and never ever come back to be honest.

Michelle finally realises I'm stood in front of her and now she looks worried.

"Look Chelle, I don't know what you're doing but I've had enough and I'm going h…" I stop and rethink my words, as I don't have a home anymore. "Back to Roy's." I say and I don't even give her a chance to answer me as I walk around the bar and towards the door.

It opens in front of me and...

Oh this cannot be happening.

It can't be him.

Shit.

It is him.

He's here.

He actually came.

The one I was talking about.

My best friend.

My Husband.


	2. My Favourite Drug

How can this be happening?

I know that he said he was going to come but for some stupid reason I didn't believe him.

Why didn't I believe him?

I guess I just didn't want to, I didn't want to think about what would happen if he came back, I didn't want to think just how it would feel to have him here, to have those beautiful brown eyes staring back at me.

I blink, just in case I'm imagining all of this… But I'm not.

There he is.

Peter flamin Barlow is stood in front of me, and my god he looks so good.

His hair is slicked sexily back and his beard is perfect, just the way it was when we last kissed.

Wait… what am I doing? This man cheated on me yet I'm staring at him as if I'm that little smiley face thing off of me phone, the one with hearts instead of eyes.

I can't breathe.

I'm not joking, I can't actually breathe.

He actually came.

Did he come for me? He must have… I mean after the messages, the things that I said to him and that he said to me.

He must ave come for me.

He opens his mouth to speak and I know that this moment right here, right now, is going to send shivers right through me.

"Hi Carla."

 _Hi Carla?_

My mouth goes dry.

The sound of his voice literally makes my heart stop, this is ridiculous, the man has only said two words to me and I already feel weak.

"Hi" I stammer out because I can still barley breathe, yet somehow, somehow I'm already feeling slightly better.

It's as if him being stood in front of me is getting rid of the crippling darkness that I've been lost in for weeks.

It's almost as if I can see the light.

Wait a minute, something's not right ere.

Why am I so surprised to see Peter yet Michelle clearly isn't? I went to look at her but she's smiling.

She is smiling at Peter, appreciatively, as if he's just done her a massive favour.

"Thank you." She says to him and then the penny finally drops.

She knew.

Oh my god she flamin well knew.

That's why she made me come over.

That sneaky little cow.

Peter nods and then looks self-consciously around the pub, He glances at all the familiar faces, at the all the people who are so obviously staring at us. Michelle then says,

"You like to pick your moments don't ya, I mean couldn't you have come round the back?"

"I tried, I knocked loads but there was no answer." Peter replies.

I don't say anything, I am still stunned, I mean this was all part of some ridiculous plan, they must ave cooked it up between em and now I'm stood ere in complete and utter shock.

How could she do this to me?

How could any of this be happening? And why did it have to be in front of everyone?

They're all looking, watching us closely.

I stand there like a right lemon, still not saying anything and still staring, then Peter gives me half of that gorgeous smile of his and I know it sounds crazy but I really start to feel as if maybe everything is going to be all right after all.

Maybe he actually is the miracle I've been hoping for.

Or maybe not.

"I don't believe this." I hear Leanne's foghorn voice cry out, I sigh as she marches her way over to Peter and me. Everyone else in the pub is silent, they are all clearly enjoying the spectacle that is my life right now and I guess its too hard for them to speak and be nosy at the same time.

Peter rolls his eyes a little as he turns and looks at Leanne but me… I still can't take my eyes off of him.

"Alright Lea…" He says casually, as if he's just popped in to his local for a drink and it's just been a while. God he is such an idiot sometimes… okay, a lot of the time actually, in fact he's still a cheating scumbag but yet... I still can't tear my eyes away from him.

"No I'm not alright actually." Leanne snaps and then I know exactly what's coming.

"Leanne let's not do this ere eh?" Peter says because he knows Leanne better than anyone, he knows when she is angry, he knows when she is about to kick off.

I know what she is going to say before she even says it.

"Do what eh? Do ya not want people to know that all it takes one call from her and you come running?" Leanne says and I know she is looking at me with disgust, it'll be the same way she always looks at me these days, so I don't even bother to give her my attention. "What about your family? What about your son? You haven't seen any of them in months yet this is the first place you come."

Wow.

She's right. Everyone knows she is right and even though I still have my eyes fixed on Peter, I can feel them all staring at me, judging me and blaming me.

Leanne Battersby is right and I cannot bear it.

"The family is fine, Simon is fine…" Peter started, although he didn't look too sure that his own son is fine.

"Simon is not _fine_!" Leanne cries, "He needs you, he needs you more than she does. What did she do eh? Give you the whole everybody hates me sob story." The stupid woman is actually pointing at me now, I can see her out of the corner of my eye, Peter goes to say something, but I finally come to my senses and my voice comes out of nowhere to say,

"Go and see Simon."

It shocks everyone… even me. Peter looks back at me, completely torn. I know that he desperately wants to see Simon and he really should go and see him.

He shouldn't be in here.

He shouldn't ave come to see me.

This is all wrong isn't it.

Peter should be back for his family's sake not mine, This whole thing is making it look like he is being a bad father.

It's making it look like he would choose me, a useless, worthless, ridiculous excuse of a woman, over his own son and that's not the case at all. I mean how is Peter supposed to know that Simon isn't fine, It's not as if Leanne has told him something about Simon and he just refused to come back for him.

He's only ere because deep down he's a good man, yeah he might ave done some stupid things but I can tell he truly cares about me, he must do because otherwise he wouldn't have come all this way.

"I'll see Simon later…" Peter eventually says but it's not good enough, not for Leanne and not for the people in the pub, Norris Cole shakes his stupid little bald head and actually has the cheek to tut loudly at Peter.

"No you won't see Simon later, you'll see him now!" Leanne says and she goes storming out of the pub before anyone can stop her. Peter doesn't follow her, he just stays put, standing there in front of me, so close yet… So far.

It's silent again, everyone waits for someone to talk first and I just don't know what in the world to do next.

What if Leanne tells Simon that his Dad is back, what if he gets really excited and he sits there and waits for him but he never comes. Simon would be devastated, he might feel like his Dad doesn't care about him and no child should never feel that way.

Not ever.

I've been there, I've had a Dad that didn't give a toss about me, I know what that feels like and there is no way I want Simon to feel that way, not because of me.

"Should we…" Peter gestures towards out back, Michelle nods but I shake my head.

"No… We shouldn't." I say, "Go and see Simon…I know you want to."

"But Carla I…" Peter begins but I interrupt him before he can begin to say anymore. I don't want any form of conversation with him right now, especially not in front of everyone.

I need some time to prepare.

"I'll… wait ere." I say and Peter doesn't look like he believes me, he looks at Michelle who then gives me an incredibly guilty look, She knows she is gonna get it from me as soon as I get her alone. She knows that I am fuming and I reckon she's hoping that Peter says no and insists that we go out back just us two, so that I don't end up arguing with her instead.

The entire pub is still completely transfixed, watching Peter and me avidly, as if we are an episode of Downtown Abbey or something.

"You'll stay ere…" Peter says watching me closely, I nod because it's the only thing I can do at the moment. Peter nods back at me with a soft smile, he then turns around, walks towards the door and is gone in seconds.

I can finally start to breathe a bit easier again.

I waste no time in heading back to the living room and as Michelle follows me, I grab a bottle of red, She owes me for all of this.

"How the hell could you ambush me like that?" I cry as soon as we get into that back room. Michelle bits her lip and I know that she's feeling bad about this but I just don't care.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like that, y'know in front of everyone, he were meant to go through the back." She says looking at the bottle of wine that I practically stole from the bar.

"He shouldn't be here Michelle not for me, he's got a family, he should be here to see them. Did you see everyone's faces? I bet they're all out there thinking I made Peter to come back ere, they're probably all thinking I'm a right little attention seeker." I say as Michelle shakes her head.

"Carla they aren't thinking that." She says although I can tell by the worried look on her face that even she is starting to think what had just happened is probably doing more harm than good for my current reputation. "Who cares what they think away?" Michelle then adds and I know that she just doesn't get it.

She's never been hated by anyone, she's always been Little Miss Popular and I've always been the one people found reasons not to like.

It's been like that since we were kids and whilst me and Michelle are one and the same, she's never understood just how it feels to be me sometimes.

"Michelle, I am feeling so fragile right now… I really don't know if I can take much more of this." I say to her as she stands there in front of me.

"Why did ya think I called him Carla?" Michelle says. So she was the one who phoned him then? So it wasn't his decision. What did she say to him to make him come? She obviously pressured him into it somehow. "I've been so worried about you recently, you've been so down and then the other day, when you were talking about that message Peter had left you… Carla you were almost happy again."

I knew I shouldn't have told her about that, I sigh as I put the bottle of wine on the table in front of me.

"I know that me calling him behind your back was a bit sneaky but Carla I'm not sorry for it." Michelle says and I know for sure that she means it. She's not sorry and deep down I'm not sorry that he's here either. We are silent for a moment as the noise levels in the pub start to return to normal. I breathe out deeply, trying to ignore the bottle in front of me and concentrate on my best friend instead.

"Chelle... why didn't you tell me he was coming, you could ave at least prepared me for it." I say, sitting down on the same chair I was on before.

"Because I was scared… I thought you'd say you didn't want to see him…" Michelle began, she still looks guilty but she is so right about me saying that I wouldn't want to see him. I mean of course I want to see Peter but I would never admit it to anyone, how weak would that be? Anyways its as if Michelle can read my mind because she sits down opposite me and then says "Carla you might try and fight it but I know that Peter is the only one who can make you feel better, I saw it in your face when he was stood there in front of us… You need him Carla."

She's right. She's always flamin right and I hate that about her. I do need him, I need him more than I've ever needed anyone before, but again there's no way I'm going to admit that.

Although I guess it's sort of too late to be pretending though, I mean I've already told him that I needed him, it was when I left that message on his phone, He's probably got it saved onto his phone as proof.

What am I going to say to him when he finally comes back over ere? It's so much easier to talk to someone when they aren't actually there in front of you. I can just say everything that is on my mind and then hang up, just like that. I don't ave to hear what he's going to say, I don't have to see him face to face.

It's weird because whilst we were leaving each other those messages, it was like he was still able to be there for me but it was okay because he was away at a safe distance from me. I didn't have to get too close but now he's back, back in Weatherfield and I don't know what to do.

I can't let him back in, I just can't.

If I tell him everything, if I pour out my heart to him then I'm bloody screwed, Game over for Carla Connor.

That delicious wine is sitting there in front of me, it's calling my name and I am so desperate to open it, that I start forgetting to listen to what Michelle is saying. It's something about me though, something about how she really thinks that "I need to talk at Peter and how it will be so good for me" but that's all I can make out.

I just want that wine so much.

Steve soon pops his head around the door awkwardly and says that he is desperate for the loo and that he cannot leave the bar unattended, He looks as if he really doesn't want to be asking Michelle to come out to the bar but he obviously has no choice. She looks at me with that same concerned look she had earlier and I know that she is going to say no to Steve, so intervene and say,

"Go on Chelle. I'll wait ere… It's not like I've anything better to do is it?" She thinks about it as Steve shuffles about by the door, it looks as if he's going to burst any minute, So Michelle finally leaves me alone, alone with my favourite drug…

Well my second favourite drug but as my first one is over the road, hopefully bonding with his son, I'll ave to make do with the bottle.

I'll just open it, sometimes that helps, sometimes it's all I need to do and sometimes... it's just the start.

Maybe I'll just have the one glass, I mean Peter's gonna be ere soon right?

I'll just have a little bit.

Just for Dutch courage...

* * *

 ** _First I want to say thank you to all those who left reviews on the first chapter, I loved reading them and second I just wanted to say that I've been having a hard time with this site this week, I don't know why but I haven't been receiving any of my emails and it says I have three reviews on my new fic (Which is called The Carter Collection in case you haven't seen it) but I can only see one at the moment? I'm not sure if it's just me or if everyone is having trouble here but it's mega annoying._**

 ** _Anywho there was a new update for Everything Has Changed this week too. I thought I'd mention it here just in case some people hadn't seen it yet or._**

 ** _Keep an eye out for Don't Let Go tomorrow as well, I have a feeling you'll like the next update._**

 ** _:)_**


	3. My Pathetic Little Life

I'd be lying if I said that tonight had gone as planned.

I'd be lying if I said that I'd got the welcome I was expecting and I'd be lying if I said that right before walking into the pub, I hadn't thought about turning right around and going back to Portsmouth.

I'm glad I didn't do that though.

I'm glad because not only have I got to see my son, who looked so happy, so relieved when he saw me come in the flat, that I would have made the journey a thousand times over just to see that look on his face.

He's not having the best time here, In fact he's having a miserable time and it seems as if he really is taking it all out on Leanne but I reckon me being here is going to help the both of them out and that also makes me feel glad.

There's one more reason that I'm so glad I was brave enough to walk into The Rover's tonight.

I finally got to see her.

My one and only.

My Carla.

It was only for a few minutes or so but she still managed to completely take my breath away.

Being stood there in front of her like that, without being able to touch her was brutal.

She is still so effortlessly beautiful and yet I could see just how much the past few weeks have taken their toll on her. I could see the lack of sleep she's obviously been having, in the dark circles that were under her beautiful eyes.

I could see a hell of a lot of hurt laced in them too and I could see just how much me being here meant to her.

She looked relieved to see me too. She really did.

The thing is… no one knows just how much _I_ needed to see _her_ , no one knows how much that moment has meant to me… well no one but her.

She knows. I can tell.

We barley said anything to each other but I know for damn sure that spiritually, we had a conversation.

That sounds ridiculous but it's the truth, Carla and I have always been able to read how the other is feeling, just by one look.

That's all it takes sometimes.

I know this sounds bad, I know it sounds downright awful but as I'm sat with Simon and as he's talking to me about everything and anything there's a tiny little part of my brain that is still fixed on Carla.

It's saying,

 _"She's across the road, She's only minutes away, She needs you and you sure as hell need her. Don't mess this up Peter. Don't you dare mess this up."_

I had been planning on seeing Carla tonight and Simon tomorrow, and that's not because Carla is more important than Si but it was because it was almost nine at night when I arrived and I thought as tomorrow was Saturday, I could spend the whole of it with Simon as he didn't have school.

I didn't plan on seeing Leanne and I certainty didn't plan on walking into a pub full of people like that but no one was answering my eager knocks and I was becoming desperate.

I had to see Carla, I had to just have one glimpse of her and now that I've seen Simon it's as if my life finally has a purpose again.

Portsmouth is okay but it's not Weatherfield.

I know it sounds crazy but I love this place.

Yes this miserable and sometimes point-blank awful place to live.

I love the cobbles and the grey skies, I hear that delightfully common accent, that everyone round ere has and I know I'm home.

I wont lie being down south is good for me, especially in the long run. I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since being there but then again I haven't had a chance to, I don't really do anything.

Nothing real.

Nothing that requires me to love, to hold or to feel.

I go to work. I go home to an empty flat. I might go out on the weekends, I might hang out with people who I'd call my mates but they aren't really friends.

They don't know me, not one little bit.

I haven't got anyone there like Michelle.

I haven't got anyone there who would do everything they possibly could do to help me, just like she has done for Carla.

What Carla doesn't realise it that just how much Michelle needs her, how much she relies on her and how much she looks to her for support.

I spent almost an hour and a half on the phone to Michelle last night and whilst we haven't always got along, last night, we both had the same thing in common.

Our unconditional love for Carla.

I really hope she hasn't had too much of a go at Michelle. I saw the look on her face when the penny finally dropped, She was not impressed, in fact she almost angry.

I don't blame her really.

I'd like to think that if my best friend pulled something like this, that I would be understanding but when I think realistically about what me and Michelle have done tonight, I know that I'd probably feel a little annoyed too.

I warned her though. I told her I would come just for my own peace of mind so she shouldn't really be too shocked, should she?

Unless she didn't believe me, unless she thought I was just spinning her a line.

I guess it's not that hard to understand that Carla wouldn't have believed anything that I'd said to her on the phone.

Hell, given my history with telling the truth I wouldn't have believed me either.

But I am here, I am here, I have something important that I need to do and I will do it.

I have to do it.

She has to see it.

Even if after that she decides not to talk to me.

Even if telling me to see Simon was a distraction, a way to get rid of me so that she didn't have to deal with me tonight.

Shit.

She wouldn't would she?

She looked so relieved to see me right? She wouldn't just run off and not wait for me to come back.

Would she?

Yes, she bloody well would.

It's a good thing Leanne has said Simon needs to go to bed because he's got football in the morning because I race out of that flat quicker than I've ever done anything in my life.

I thanked Leanne on the way out and told her I'll be round tomorrow but she just nodded and closed the door on me.

She knows me well enough by now.

She knows where I'm going and who I'm going to see.

It check my phone and it's almost ten o'clock, that means that if Carla has actually made a run for it, that she's had almost an hour's head start.

I bet she has gone. I bet she had a change of mind, a change of heart.

I know that woman.

I know Carla more than she knows herself sometimes, an hour is a ridiculously long time in her fragile mind and as I head back to The Rover's I pray that she hasn't gone anywhere.

Please let her be in there, Please let her have waited for me, Please don't let me lose her again.

I know I said on the phone that she didn't need to talk to me but _I_ desperately need to talk to _her_.

I need to tell her I'm sorry.

I need to tell her I love her.

I need to tell her that I never stopped loving her and no matter where I go, what I do or who I meet, she'll always be the love of my pathetic little life.

I don't know what I will do if I can't tell her those things.

I don't know how I'll carry on.

I didn't just come back for her.

I came back for me too.

I running up the street now, so lost in the idea of not being able to help Carla that I don't even look into the road before I step into it, I don't see the black car coming towards me at an insane speed.

There's a sudden screech of breaks and I swear my life was just about to flash before my eyes just as the car comes to a halt, it's literally centimetres away from me but it's definitely stopped thank god.

I take a deep breath as I'm thankfully still alive and I turn to look furiously into the car, so that I can give that idiotic driver a piece of my mind and then I see who it was in the drivers seat.

I was right.

I feel my face soften and I feel the anger in my body be replaced by pure unadulterated love, because sat there, with her hands tightly gripped to the steering wheel, is Carla.


	4. Our Baby

I stay put.

I don't move.

There's not a chance in hell that I'm getting out of the way and letting her drive away from me.

She knows I'm not going anywhere, so she rolls her eyes at me and gets out of the car.

"Would ya get out of the way Peter?" Carla asks casually, As if I'm simply just blocking her path.

"And where are you off to in such a rush?" I ask just as casually as her and it's only when I look at Carla properly, that I see she's been drinking.

She's not drunk, no where near but she's had enough to make her pupils widen and to make an easy task like standing up, a little more difficult. She sighs and I can tell that she knows that I know she's had a few.

"I dunno, somewhere… anywhere away from ere to be honest." Carla says and then she gets back into her car. She doesn't lock the door when she gets in it and then she shouts, "If you don't wanna get run over I'd move out the way."

"You're not gonna run me over" I scoff and I stay where I am although I'm not sure if I trust this situation anymore.

"Peter…Please move…" She begs and for a moment it looks as if might actually start the engine, I move out the way but not so she can drive off, I quickly open the car door and hop into the front passengers seat. "Oh god, would you get out of my car?" She cries, as if me being in this car with her is actually causing her some physical harm.

"You shouldn't be behind the wheel Carla… I mean you've obviously been drinking." I say. Carla sighs and rests her head dramatically on the steering wheel.

"I aven't had that many…" She says

"Oh yeah n how many times ave I heard n said that one eh?"

"Peter I'm fine… I'll drive slowly or something." Carla says underneath her long hair, it's much lighter than it used to be, a nice golden brown colour rather than the raven shade it used to be when we first met, it looks gorgeous on her though, it makes the colour of her eyes stand out even more if that's even possible.

"No way, if you really wanna go then take me with you." I say because I sure as hell mean it.

If she wants to endanger her life than fine but there's no way she's leaving me here on my own to pick up the pieces.

If she goes, I go.

There's a silence.

There's a long silence, then I hear Carla sigh and I see her hair move from the way she breathed out so harshly. She sits up and looks at me, God she is so beautiful.

How could I have gone so long without being in her presence? I don't know how I managed to survive so long with just looking at pictures of her, I don't know how I ever let this stunning creature go but I do know that I'm not going to be so stupid as to do it again.

"So what's this then? Is this some kinda you jump, I jump situation?" Carla says, her hands are still tightly gripped to the steering wheel as she speaks.

"I guess it is…" I say as she rolls her eyes again. I tell ya if this woman had a pound for every time she rolled her eyes she'd be a millionaire.

"We've been ere before aven't we?" Carla says and I nod at her.

I remember exactly what she is referring to, she's talking about long before we ever got together, about a time that I saw her drunkenly stumble towards her car and get inside it to drive off to a meeting or something.

I managed to talk her out of driving and it was actually when I first gave her my number. I'm sure I wrote it on a fag packet or something stupid like that. She said she didn't want it of course but I put it in her bag and she called me that very night.

I guess that was probably when my life really changed, when I realised that this strong, feisty, ice queen of a woman is actually, a beautiful mess, I realised how misunderstood she was and I soon realised that she had the biggest, most delicate heart of anyone I'd ever known in my life and sure enough she chose to share that amazing heart of hers with me.

"Well this isn't like the last time…" Carla begins although I think she knows she is not going to get rid of me that easy. "Honestly Peter, I was smashed the last time this happened, you had every right not to let me drive but it's different now… I've only had two n a half glasses of wine."

"You're not in a fit state to be driving and anyways even if I did let you go, I'd follow you, even if you hid from me I'd look and look and I wouldn't give up until I found you." I say.

"Y'know there are laws on stalking right Peter?" Carla asks and for a tiny minuscule moment, I think I saw a little smirk on her face.

"You said you were gonna wait for me…" I say because when she told me she'd wait for me at the pub, I believed her. "What's changed eh?"

"I changed… I realised that I cannot do this Peter… I'm sorry." Carla says sadly, a tear falls down her cheek as she speaks and I go to wipe it away but she catches my hand before I can get to it. "Don't…" She whispers and the way she has hold of my hand feels so damn good, that I let my arm linger awkwardly in the air just so we can remain touching.

She doesn't let go right away either, she keeps hold of it and sniffs and I know she is trying her absolute hardest not to break down.

"Why can't you do this?" I ask, "What's made you change your mind?" Carla lets go of my hand so that she can wipe her cheek. She sighs and shakes her head at me.

"Peter… I am so touched that you came, honestly I am but I just feel like letting you do this, letting you back in, I feel like it will only make this… the way I feel, worse."

"Worse? How is me being here going to make you feel worse?"

"Because you're gonna leave me again…" Carla says and that's it, She lets all her tears run loose. Her hands go up to her head and she starts sobbing into them.

I don't know what to say to her, I truly don't.

I didn't have any plans to go or any plans to stay either if I'm honest.

I didn't plan anything.

I just wanted to get here and see her, I didn't actually think about what would happen after this moment.

"Carla… right now I have no real plans but I can assure you that I'm ere for a least a few days." I say this because I don't want to scare her into thinking that I'm planning on staying here for good. I don't want her to think that I'm just here to get her back because this is more than that.

"So you'll stay a few days, or maybe you'll stay a week or even a month but then you'll leave, you'll leave me ere, you'll go back to Portsmouth and your life will go back to normal and then what about me?" Carla says and she wipes her eyes once more before shaking her head. "That's why I didn't want to see you, I thought if I went away first that maybe it wouldn't be so hard… but I were fooling myself, It's too late… you're already in, you've literally been back for an hour and you're already under my skin. The damage is already done."

I don't know what to say. I mean I guess what she's saying is almost positive right? I mean if I didn't know any better I'd say it sounds like she wants me to stay for good.

I shouldn't take so much pleasure from the fact that she said I'm already under her skin but I do. It makes me feel good to know I can still have that effect on her.

I watch her for a while as she just sits in the drivers seat silently, there is so much we need to talk about, so much that I need to say and there's also something that I just have to do.

"Well I guess if the damage is already done then we might as well go somewhere and talk." I say and Carla shrugs

"N where do you suggest we do that then?" She asks.

"I dunno we could go back to the pub?" I suggest but Carla shakes her head.

"No… I aint going back in there, no way."

"Okay what about Me Dad's?" but Carla shakes her head again

"No… Your sister will be there and I don't think she'll take too kindly to seeing me walk in… y'know seeing as I almost killed her only child and all that."

"Okay well... what about if we go…" I trail off for a bit, I don't know what else to say or suggest to Carla now but she shakes her head at me and says,

"You just don't get it d'ya Peter? I'm not the woman I was when you left me ere all those months ago, no one likes me anymore, no one wants me around, I am not welcome any where." It kills me to hear her speak like this, the hurt in her eyes, in her face and in her voice is just too much for me to bear.

"You said you're staying at Roy's, so why don't we go there?" I ask and this time Carla doesn't shake her head, she shrugs instead which is a nice change if I'm honest.

"We could… I suppose although I'm not sure what he'd make of me bringing you back, he's not exactly your biggest fan after what you did to me, in fact he told me if he ever sees you again, he won't be responsible for his actions." Carla says and she says it rather coldly actually as if she doesn't mind that Roy apparently doesn't like me.

I don't give a toss what Roy Cropper thinks about me to be honest, in fact I'd actually like to see what he'd do to me given half the chance. I don't say anything to Carla about this though, I know he's a dear friend of hers and that she really values their friendship, If I sound off about Roy she'll probably try and push me away even more.

I sit and think for a moment, Carla really doesn't seem to be too bothered about trying to talk to me. I mean she's not really making an effort to find somewhere to go and talk and I begin to wonder if maybe I've got this all wrong and she truly doesn't care or if she's just trying her best to push me away.

"Well… I really don't know what else to suggest Carla…" I end up saying after another few minutes of not talking. "I mean I'm really trying to help you ere but…"

"But what?" Carla snaps "Do you really think you can come ere after months and months and be forgiven for what you did?"

"I didn't come ere to talk about Tina." I say and Carla then lets out a sarcastic laugh.

"Oh of course you didn't." She says dryly and I just ignore this comment, for a moment I actually think about getting up and out of this car but there's no way I'm letting Carla win this.

I can be just as stubborn as she can.

Okay… so it's about fifteen minutes later and ridiculously enough we are still sitting in Carla's car and even more ridiculous than that, no one has come driving down the street and had to stop because of the randomly parked car in the middle of the road. It's rather dangerous to be sitting here in the dark, so I say,

"Y'know maybe you should park your car back in it's parking space." Carla raises one of her perfect eyebrows at me.

"I thought you said that I'm not in a fit state to be driving." She says smartly but she turns on the ignition and begins to reverse anyway.

Out of habit I put my seat belt on and this really riles Carla up because she shakes her head and says

"Really Peter?" I don't even bother to explain that it was just a reflex action and keep my mouth shut until Carla successfully parks her car. She does it just as well as she probably would have done sober and she just simply has to point this fact out as well by saying,

"See… you're still alive aint ya? I parked me car just as well as normal."

"That's not the point Carla and you know it." I say, "I mean what on earth where you thinking getting into your car after drinking, did you not learn your lesson after getting arrested those times?, did you not learn your lesson after almost killing Stella?"

"Oh spare me the lecture Saint Peter." Carla says and she gets out of the car. I quickly jump out too and follow her as she begins walking.

"Where are you going?" I ask because she genuinely looks as if even she doesn't know where she is headed.

She looks so lost and I don't just mean in terms of where she is physically going but she looks emotionally lost, as if she doesn't know what she wants to do next.

"Carla?" I say as she walks across the road. She doesn't answer me at first but eventually she comes out with

"Peter please… I cannot do this tonight, I need time, time to prepare, time to think…"

"Time to runaway again…" I say as Carla stops outside Roy's. I mean it as a joke but she doesn't look amused in fact she looks down right depressed.

I don't know how I was expecting this all to go but I didn't think it would be like this.

I knew Carla would be like this though, I knew it would be difficult to get her to let me in.

She's way too sassy, way too sarcastic and way to stubborn to just let me hold her tight and tell her that everything is going to be okay.

This is what it was like when I first approached her about her drinking, she had an expert army of walls up, walls to stop anyone from getting to her and finding out who she really was and yet I managed to break down every single one of em.

I did it before and I'll do it again.

We stand in silence but Carla is the one to break it.

"Peter… I know you've come a long way and I know you want to help me but I'm just so overwhelmed by all of this… I feel as if us talking tonight is going to be way too much for me." She says, She's stood right in front of the door to Roy's place and I realise that if she doesn't actually let me in there that I'm gonna have to let her go.

Dammit!

We should have stayed in the middle of the road, for god sake.

I don't want to let her go.

In fact I don't think I _can_ let her go but I know that I have to.

I mean christ, it's not as if I can force me way in and I'm not about to be that kinda guy who forces a woman into anything.

Especially not Carla.

I'd never want to make her do anything that she doesn't want to do.

"I understand." I say sorrowfully. She bites her lip, she bites it as if she's trying to stop herself from saying something and I decide that I will leave her to it tonight.

Maybe if I show her that I am listening to her she'll be more inclined to talk to me tomorrow.

I know it's a long shot but I'm trying to remain positive about all this.

I'll go and stay at me Dad's and give her some peace but before that I'll do what I came to do.

I have to do it now or I might not get the chance again.

I reach into my pocket and pull out the little white envelope. Carla looks down at it and frowns.

She doesn't know what it is yet.

She doesn't know just how precious this thing is to me but she will soon.

She'll realise why I just had to come and I hope she'll realise that she is the only person on this planet who I'd give such an irreplaceable item to.

"Here…" I say as I hand her the tiny envelope. "I came ere tonight to do many things but this thing right here, this is the most important reason why I came… I had to let you have it… it's… well it's the one thing that I knew I could give to you that no one else could." A tear falls down my cheek as I speak but I ignore it and continue. "I'll leave you to it tonight, I can see that you really don't want to talk to me, Carla I sincerely hope that you feel like talking tomorrow and that you stick around so that we can chat but if you do decide to leave at least I'll know that you've got that to take with you." Carla looks down at the envelope, She breathes out and goes to open it, her hand is actually shaking as she does it and that's when I decide to turn away.

I begin to walk towards my Dad's house and prepare myself for a night of no sleep and constant worrying about Carla, but then I hear something.

Something so heart wrenching, that it stops me in my tracks.

I hear my name.

"Peter…"

I turn around to see Carla staring down at what I gave her, in tears.

She's staring at our baby.


	5. The Old Me

I can't believe that he did this.

He came all this way and that he brought her with him.

How did he know?

How did he know that this tiny little photograph, that this tiny little memory of what could have been... How did he know that would be something that I desperately needed to bring me back to life?

I wipe the tears from my eyes and softly stroke the photo.

I'm still in awe of what's happening tonight. I still can't believe that he is here.

Not only did Peter come all the way from Portsmouth just to see me, but he brought back something that I thought I'd lost forever.

Something so precious and irreplaceable that I'm scared that even holding it for to long is going to hurt it somehow.

Bringing me that photo is the best thing that man has ever done and I can't let him walk away from me now, can I?

I can't let him and I won't.

"Peter…" I call and saying his name out loud also makes me feel a wave of relief, that same wave of relief that I felt when I saw him in the pub earlier.

Well after the first wave of initial shock had worn off, of course.

He turns around and waits for me to say something more…

"How…" I say but I have to stop talking a moment because I get chocked up again. I sniff as he comes back towards me.

"How what?" he says and he stops right in front of me.

This is the closest he's ever been to me since before he left and there's probably a million reasons as to why I should just tell him to back away from me and go home but right now I can't think of any of them.

"How did you know I needed this?" I eventually ask.

"Michelle told me…" Peter says and then I nod because of course she told him.

I mean it's not as if he's some sort of physic mind reader, although as he stands in front of me and watches me, I feel as if he knows every single thought that goes through my incredibly messed up mind.

"She told me that you lost your picture in the fire and that you were really devastated, So I just had to make sure you got this one because... well because you deserve it a hell of a lot more than I do." Peter said as I look back down at it again.

To anyone else this picture means nothing, it's just a bunch of wavy lines but to me this picture represents so much more, it represents a missed chance, the loss of a beautiful future, the passing of my baby.

No, not my baby… Our Baby.

"Thank you Peter." I say and I swallow back more of the tears that are trying so damn hard to escape. I put the photo back in it's little white envelope and I close it very carefully "Thank you so much." I say again.

He nods at me and smiles his oh so gorgeous smile before going to turn around again.

He's going to leave me again and I panic.

I know I panic because my mouth starts moving and my voice leaves my throat before I can even stop it from doing so.

"Don't go!" I actually shout it like a madwoman and he quickly turns back around with a rather surprised look on his face.

I probably look like a right state.

Between my smudged eye make up, wild hair and the fact that I'm shouting at him, I must look like a right nutter.

I take a deep breath and try to maintain some sort of dignity because I not only do I look flippin crazy but I'm acting a hell of a lot drunker than I actually am.

I know he didn't believe me but I truly did only have two glasses of wine. I had the two glasses and then Michelle came back in and caught me. She took the bottle from me and I walked out of the pub there and then.

I went and sat in my car because I've no where else to go and I started thinking about what it would be like to have Peter back in my life.

I started to think about what would happen if I just admitted the truth to him, if I told him how much I still love him and how much that I wish we could just runaway together and never come back.

I thought about what he would do when he found out that I still can't get the image of him and Tina out of my head and how that, and that reason alone is the only reason why I cannot go there with him.

I could probably learn to trust him again, In fact I know I could, but the idea of him kissing that stupid barmaid on our wedding night actually makes me sick to my stomach.

I think that's the worst part of it all, the fact that on our actual wedding day, the one day that we declared our love for each other, the day when he promised to love me above everyone else, he still went and kissed her.

He kissed her whilst I was off upstairs, being a right drunken mess in our hotel room.

I've never told anyone this but I do actually blame myself for Peter's affair.

I mean obviously he didn't have to do what he did, but I actually feel like if maybe I'd done things differently... Maybe things wouldn't have gone the way they went.

It's bloody ridiculous and I know that if anyone heard me thinking like this, they would tell me that it's not my fault but when I really think about it...

I know that it partly is my fault.

Say I hadn't of got drunk at me own wedding.

Say that I had remained sober and stayed down stairs with everyone until me and Peter were both ready to leave the wedding together.

Well he wouldn't have been able to kiss her that night for a start and then maybe it wouldn't have gone so far.

Maybe if I had given him the wedding night he deserved that maybe he wouldn't have gone looking for it somewhere else.

I'm not completely stupid though… I know that the affair went deeper than Peter just wanting to get his leg over.

It was all to do with his stupid ego.

It all started when he lost the bookies, getting a job at factory and working with me, was more like working _for_ me and that bruised his ego.

I proposed to him and then I wanted all the expensive things and the posh hotel. I paid for most of our wedding and that bruised his ego even more.

It didn't help that Rob was there to make jokes left right and centre, to push Peter to his limit every time that they saw each other and to make him feel inadequate.

I know that Peter didn't feel like he was good enough to be with me, so what else was he going to do when a beautiful young girl like Tina started sniffing around?

It's no excuse though, he's still a cheating bastard and I can't give him another chance even though I desperately wish that I could.

He's almost like a different person to me now and yet...

When I look into those big brown eyes of his, it's as if I'm okay… it's as if I'm home.

That's the reason I started my car and tried to make a run for it.

I wanted to get away before he managed to completely take over my soul again but I know that it's far too late for that now.

He's here, he is looking at me and even though I know that this is not good for me, that eventually, in the the long run, he'll leave me or cheat on me, I say

"Do ya wanna come in for a brew?" Peter, again looks surprised but he nods anyway. Then he obviously remembers what I told him about Roy and says

"But… what would Roy say?"

I have to admit to him that I kind of over exaggerated Roy's words and that whilst Roy would not like to see Peter anywhere near his café, he never said anything about not being responsible for his actions if he does.

I made that bit up. I don't know why, I guess I just wanted it to look as if I had someone else other than Michelle fighting my corner and I also thought that it would keep Peter away from the place, not that Roy Cropper is even the slightest bit threatening.

"He won't mind…" I start "In fact he's not even in."

"Well in that case, I'll come in." Peter says. I nod stupidly and get my keys out of my pocket.

I open the door to the Café and Peter nods me in first. I walk through the door and he follows.

I switch on a few off the lights in café and linger awkwardly for a moment whilst Peter sits down on one of the chairs at a table and says

"Put the kettle on then."

I know what he's doing.

He's trying to make this whole thing seem like it's all casual and like we are two mates just having a brew, instead of us being two ex lovers who have a hell of a lot of history.

I make him a coffee and I don't even need to ask Peter how he likes it because of course I remember.

I remember everything about him.

The way he likes his coffee, the way he likes his eggs in the morning, the way that he always liked to have his toast, just a little on the burnt side and that he will only have real butter on it because he hates margarine.

It's not just food and drink things that I remember though...

I remember crazy things, like the setting he always used to use in our shower, the exact number he would always have the television volume at and that he'd always spray his aftershave on his neck twice and on his clothes once.

I bring his Coffee and mine, over to the table where he is sat and I put his drink down in front of him before putting my own one down next to the scan photo. I look at it again and Peter does too.

"That were the one you threw at me…" Peter says, picking up his cup of coffee and raising it to his mouth. I ignore how jealous I am of that damn cup and how it's getting to touch his lips and I pick up my own cup just to distract myself. "Y'know that night when I came home drunk after I'd missed the scan… you threw it at me and I sat there sobbing away at it for ages."

"I remember…" I say "I remember just how long you sat there on the floor, I remember how I was sitting in that bedroom of ours, trying my hardest to ignore the sound of your cries and I remember how I'd eventually got up because I just couldn't take it anymore and when I'd left our bedroom to find you, you were still there, in your coat, sobbing into that photo of our baby girl…"

It makes sense now. The drinking. The falling off the wagon. The way he was acting that day and all those days afterwards and maybe even the ones before it.

He was feeling guilty for having the affair and the drink was the only thing that he thought could ease the guilt.

Peter is staring at me now. He's not looking down at the photo and even though I'm looking down at it too, I can tell he's totally fixated on me and when I look up at him, I know that he is about to apologise for the affair, I've heard it all before and I really don't want to be reminded of it anymore than I already am, so instead I start talking something else.

"How was Simon?"

"Simon?" Peter says as if he's forgotten about Simon all together.

"Yeah… Simon your son?" I say and Peter chuckles.

"Yeah I know who he is... it's just that wasn't what I was expecting you to say that's all" He says. "Simon is… well Simon, he's stubborn and sarcastic and"

"A chip of the old block." I say

"Pretty much." Peter laughs.

He has no idea.

He has no idea that apart from Michelle and Roy, Simon was the only one around ere who wasn't awful to me.

He didn't say any nasty things about me, behind my back or to my face.

He never gave me a dirty look whenever I'd walk past him, in fact he'd always give me a teeny tiny smile, one that was sympathetic yet also friendly.

Simon didn't seem like he blamed me for the fire, even though he was so close to Kal.

At first I wondered why Simon wasn't angry with me but then one day I realised, that deep down that kid is just like his father.

Stubborn? Yes.

Sarcastic? Hell yes, but also sweet, sensitive, sympathetic and so bloody cute that it hurts.

Even now after the night I've had and after everything Peter has done to me, I'm still completely smitten with the guy.

"Leanne said he's been really hard work lately…" Peter says but he's not smiling now, he's feeling guilty for not being here, I know it. "She said he's really rude to her and that he doesn't do a thing that he's told. I think it's because of everything he's been through and it sounds like he's finding it really hard to cope with it all."

"It sounds like he needs a good kick up the arse." I say a little too honestly and then I let my face soften "It also sounds like he needs his Dad around a bit more." I say and I meant it as a nice comment but Peter gets defensive this time.

"Well the whole reason I left ere was so that I actually survived long enough for the kid to still ave a Dad."

"Oh don't be so dramatic…" I scoff as I take another sip of coffee.

I'm enjoying this, I'm enjoying talking about other people's problems rather than me own for once.

"I'm not being dramatic… I'm being serious. When I was in hospital the doctors told me that one more drink could kill me and after I got out of prison and you knocked me back, all I could think about was drinking." Peter says with his eyes staring right into my soul.

I wish he wouldn't look at me like that.

It intimidates the hell out of me because that intent look does some very strange things to me, it has me wanting to knock everything off the table that is criminally in between us and shove my tongue down his throat.

I know that I said I'd never give him another chance but if that man leant over this table and kissed me right here and right now... I'd love it.

In fact I'd let him do what ever he wanted.

Yes I am really that fickle.

It's a good thing that we are here in the café and not somewhere else to be honest.

Peter doesn't realise the thoughts I am having, thank god, he just continues with what he was saying before hand. I try my hardest to concentrate on his words and ignore the sudden urge I have to ravish him.

It would probably make it easier if we didn't talk though.

It would be a hell of a lot less painful at least.

I don't want to talk about me.

It's too hard to admit the fact that I am slowly loosing all control on my life.

It's too hard to admit that I need him more than I've ever needed anyone and that my life has never been the same since he left.

It's too hard to talk about the fact that I practically a murderer.

It's so much easier to pretend otherwise.

When I finally go back to listening to Peter, I hear him say,

"After we spoke that day, I actually went a bought a bottle of vodka and I was so close to drinking it that it scared me, it scared me because I didn't want Simon to live a life without me, that's why I left."

"But he's still living without you Peter, yeah there might be a phone call ere n there but he barley ever sees you." I say

"Yeah well I couldn't stay ere could I? I couldn't see you every day."

"Oh so it's my fault then?" I say pettily.

"No, I just mean that every time that I saw you, I would be reminded of what I did to you, what I did to us and there was no way I could live with that." Says Peter and goes to drink some more coffee.

"I hadn't realised that was why you left…" I begin because I truly hadn't.

I thought Peter was just being Peter, leaving because that's what he always does when stuff goes wrong.

"Peter whilst it's great that you seem to be doing so well in Portsmouth… maybe you should have at least tried to live with what you did, you should probably have stayed a bit longer…" I say and this makes Peter slam his cup down onto the table.

"I can't win can I? I mean if I had of stayed and drunk me self stupid, everyone would have been on at me and the fact that I left seems to get everyone on me case as well." He says and I can tell that I've really touched a nerve.

I should probably shut up.

I should probably just sit and sip my coffee but I don't, I look at him and I say,

"You realise that you ave no one to blame for the way that you get treated but yourself, right?"

"Yes, and I don't need you to tell me that Carla, okay? Whenever I think about everything I've done it makes me feel like absolute crap." Peter says rigidly.

"Good." I say and I smirk at him wickedly.

"What's funny?" Peter snaps and I just shrug at him which winds him up even more.

I friggin love this, he's getting so angry and whilst it inappropriately sends an inflamed chill up my spine, it also distracts him from the main reason he came back in the first place.

If I keep this up I can avoid talking about me all together.

Unfortunately for me Peter is way too smart for my kind of thinking, he knows me far too well for my plan to actually work right?

Peter eventually smirks back at me but it's laced with desire, instead of the anger I was expecting.

"Why are we sat ere talking about me?" he asks. I just shrug again and pick up my coffee cup.

"I dunno…" I say taking a sip of coffee.

"In fact why are we talking at all?" Peter says but even his tone of voice is different now, it's deep, full of passion and then he suddenly gets up off the chair.

I clumsily get up off mine too.

I pretend that I'm not sure what he's going to do, but I know that look.

I've seen it before and the mere sight of it, gives me the most incredible rush.

His eyes are full of lust, longing and love and I now don't care that we are in the local café.

I don't care where we are.

I swallow as Peter slowly makes his way towards me.

He stops in front of me and I cannot control my breathing.

One second it's slow and the next I'm fighting for breath.

I haven't felt this way in so long, in fact I haven't felt anything other than pain and misery for weeks now.

It got to the point where I almost started to feel numb, like I would never feel anything else ever again but now...

Now it's as if I've suddenly been electrocuted with life and it's all because of Peter.

I stumble backwards a little but it's not because I don't want Peter near me, it's just to give me an extra second to prepare my self for what's about to happen.

We've been here before, we've been in situations like this plenty of times and yet somehow it feels just as new and exciting as it did the first time around.

There is no way that I'm going to let this sensation pass me by.

As I said before, there's a million reasons as to why I should tell Peter to get away from me but as one of his hands rests just under my ear, as his thumb strokes my cheek and as all my senses fly out the window, I still cannot think of a single reason why I shouldn't let this man make me feel alive again.

He moves again, he moves so close, that now all that's not touching is our faces and our lips.

He tenderly strokes my cheek again and I feel my eyes close, as if they have a mind of their own.

I don't realise that Peter kisses me until it actually happens.

It's a rough kiss, a rushed kiss, a kiss full of so much hunger that we both moan into each others mouths and it's the sort of kiss that I know will end up in the both of us finding somewhere, anywhere that will allow us to close whatever space in between us there is left.

I let his tongue slide into my mouth and I also let him push me up against the table behind me. I sit on it and my legs are lifted up by their own accord.

My hands are all over the place, They go up to his hair and then I start tugging at his clothes as he continues to kiss me.

I know this is a bad idea, I know that there are a thousands things that we need to talk about but right now I just want to feel Peter and that is it.

I wanna pretend as if this time, is our first time and that nothing else ever happened between us. I want this to blow my mind and I want him to make me feel like how I used to feel.

I wanna be the old me again, I want to be needed, craved, desired and loved.

Even if it's just for one more night.

There's suddenly the sound of a door closing, the rest of the lights come on and I know that when I look around Peter, who has stopped kissing me now, by the way and who is now looking like a naughty school boy who has been caught with his trousers around his ankles, I know that I'm going to see a very disappointed face looking back at me.

Roy is home.


	6. The Only One

So this is awkward.

I quickly jump off the table that Peter just had me on and I try to maintain some sort of dignity. I rack my brains to try and find something clever to say but I simply cannot think, the thrilling position that I was just in, only moments ago, is all I can think about.

Peter however, takes a different approach on the situation.

I know that he is embarrassed too and yet he actually manages to come out with a rather casual,

"Alright Roy?"

 _Alright Roy?_

I roll my eyes and Roy continues to stare ahead at me, He's clearly shocked and he's clearly still so disappointed to have caught me with me legs gracelessly wrapped around Peter like that.

"No…" Roy begins rigidly. "No I'm not all right, in fact I'm quite shocked to be honest." Peter then looks at me pleadingly, obviously wanting me to speak up and say something. "When did you get back?" Roy then asks him because it's clear my mouth and my brain aren't working properly together.

"About two hours ago actually…" Peter begins.

"Two hours? My my you do work quick." Roy says. He is being deadly serious but I end up smirking like a fool.

"I must say I'm not happy about this." Roy then says. I nod at him and I know that I really have to start talking, I owe him an apology so I say

"Sorry Roy…" He shakes his head at me and says,

"This is all very inappropriate, I mean you... two. Using on my table like that… well its unhygienic for a start." I nod although I'm still trying my hardest not to smirk. I love Roy so much but my god he can be so uptight. "People have to eat off those tables…" He continues to say and I don't even dare to look at Peter but my best guess is that he's finding it difficult not to laugh also.

"Yeah but you always give em a good clean in the morning anyway Roy." I say because it's true, I've seen him, just before he opens the place, he goes round and gives each table a quick spray and a wipe.

"That's not the point Carla and you know it." Roy says putting his little shopping bag down on a table next to him. I've upset him, I can tell.

Great, so now I've got Roy's back up as well as everyone else round here.

God, It's not as if I plan this kind of stuff.

Peter doesn't flamin help either, he actually nods at Roy like a right kiss arse and says,

"You're right Roy, We are very sorry and I can assure you that we wouldn't have done anything further than kiss." I don't even have to look at Peter to know that that is complete rubbish.

We would have done more than kiss and anyway what happened between Peter and me just then was more than a kiss.

It was like I finally began to feel like my old self again.

It was like reconnecting with all of those pieces of my life that have been missing for so long.

It was like coming home again.

"Well if you ask me there shouldn't even have been a kiss." Roy says.

"Yeah well no one asked you did they Roy?" I snap and I regret it immediately. Peter stares at me in horror,

"Carla come on don't be like that..." He says but Roy knows me well enough to know that I lash out when I am trying to push people away.

"Don't worry Peter, Carla is just trying to make me back away from this situation and I shall but before I go I should probably make a few things clear…"

"Are you actually giving us rules?" I ask with an eyebrow raised and I'll be the first to admit that I am acting rather pettily now.

"No I am simply stating that this is a place of business." Roy says and Peter who is still a little stunned by my behaviour, goes and sits back down on the chair that he was on before he kissed me. "Carla you know I don't mind you being here and you are more than welcome to have guests over, I just don't appreciate my tables being used for… well for anything other than eating."

"And they won't be… I promise." Peter says smiling at Roy charmingly. Roy actually looks like he wants to give Peter a right talking to but he obviously decides against it and instead he gives him a nod and makes his way upstairs.

"Sorry Roy." I say because even though I know that he hasn't took me seriously, I still feel bad about snapping at him, then I remember where he was tonight and I quickly ask "How was your night with Cathy?"

Roy turns back to look at me and for the first time in god knows how long, I think I actually see a hint of a smile on Roy's face.

"It was extremely pleasant…" he says, almost as if he is surprised at how much fun he allowed himself to have. I give him an encouraging nod because I so desperately want him to have someone else in his life. Someone other than the mess that is me of course.

"Good." I say and Roy then disappears upstairs and leaves me and Peter alone.

I turn back to face him and he is looking right at me, square in the eye so there is no escaping his intense gaze.

"Well that was a little embarrassing…" I begin as I sit back down opposite Peter.

"I'm rather glad that happened to be honest." he says.

"Really?"

"Yes, I reckon if he hadn't, things would have got very heated and very quickly." Peter says as he picks up his coffee and finishes the last little bit he has left in his cup. I nod slowly and I don't know if its because I look disappointed or because he truly means it but then Peter says, "Don't get me wrong… I would have totally ravished you on that table… But it wouldn't ave been the right thing to do… It would ave been wrong." One part of that sentence excites me and the other part makes me sad.

I so wish that we'd have had more time to kiss, to touch and to feel each other's existence and here is Peter saying that it would have been bad if we had of carried on.

"Wrong?" I say

"Yes, I didn't come back here to have sex with you Carla... I came back here to save you."

"Save me?" I scoff although we both know that he's saved me before.

He's saved me more than once in fact.

Peter obviously has a knack for reading my mind, because he then nods at me.

"Yes save you. I've done it before and I know that I can do it again. I've had more than enough practice avent I?"

"and what makes you think I need saving eh?" I ask but I know that desperately do.

I need saving from the horrible people around ere.

I need saving from the crippling guilt I feel because Maddie and Kal are no longer with us.

I need saving from myself.

Peter puts down his empty cup and then says,

"Because you're not yourself. You're hurt, you're lost, you're afraid."

"And you know that do ya?" I ask although he is right, I'm all three of those things.

"I can see it in your eyes Carla, there's no point in trying to deny it… Not with me anyway." Peter says getting up and walking over to the kitchen area of the café.

God this man is so in sync with me that it hurts.

I mean how does he still know so much about me?

How does he know every single little thing that I am thinking?

"Dy'a want another coffee?" he then asks.

"No." I mumble as Peter brazenly helps himself to some more of Roy's coffee.

He makes me one anyway, he does his and then mine.

He puts in one teaspoon of sugar and just splash of milk.

I don't make it obvious that he's just made me the perfect coffee but he knows, just like me it seems that Peter remembers every little detail.

After he's done with the drinks, Peter comes back and sits down in front of me, he sips his coffee,

"Go on then… Talk." Peter says.

"About what?" I pick up the coffee cup and even though I didn't want it, I still take a long sip.

"You… life… how you're feeling."

I gulp.

I don't want to talk. That's the last thing I want to do.

Talking makes all of this seem too real.

"Do we ave to?" I say but I know that this is going to be falling on deaf ears.

Peter is not going to let me get away with this, not this time. He nods at me

"Yes…"

I exhale and then I shake my head, tears fill my eyes and I just don't know where on earth to begin.

"Why don't you start with the fire?" Peter begins with this very bland and totally condescending tone of voice. He doesn't mean it like that but it gets my back up even so.

"What are you? Some kind of councillor?" I ask dryly. Peter gives a little chuckle and shakes his head.

"No… just some one who cares about you, very very much."

"I don't wanna talk about the fire Peter." I say quietly as a tear falls down my cheek. "Please… it's too much."

"Carla… I think we need to talk about it… the fire n everything else that has happened. We need to work out when you started to feel like this."

"Like what? You don't even know what you're talking about Peter, you may think you know but you have no idea how I feel." I say as more tears start to fall.

"Tell me then, tell me how you feel." Peter gets up and brings his chair closer to mine.

I wipe my eyes, probably smudging even more of my mascara all over my face and making myself look even more of a mess.

"Carla tell me how to make you feel better and I promise you I will do it."

He promises.

Ha!

Yeah well I've heard his promises before and look where they have got me.

Alone. Husbandless. Childless and in a world where everyone hates me.

I know it's slightly unfair to blame everything on Peter. I know that the fire and everything wasn't his doing but maybe if he had stuck around and not cheated on me then maybe I wouldn't have been so stupid to leave a candle burning.

Maybe we'd be alseep in out old bed right now… well we'd be in bed at least, I don't know if we'd be sleeping though.

It's almost eleven pm and whilst for most people it would be winding down time, that kind of time would be the time where Peter and me come alive.

It would be when we'd make love, passionately, beautifully and almost endlessly.

It would be when we'd talk about the days we've had again and talk about the things, that we had forgotten to talk about the first time around.

It would be when if we'd argued before hand and if me and Peter weren't speaking, we'd both give each other the eye and before we'd know it, we'd be back in each others arms.

It's so disheartening to think about where me and Peter would be right now if he hadn't of cheated but all I know is that we wouldn't be here in this café that's for sure.

I wouldn't be wallowing in this disgusting land of self-pity.

I wouldn't be a complete and utter shadow of my former self.

"Carla…" Peter says, reminding me that he's waiting for an answer.

"You promise?" I say and I mean it to come out sarcastically but it sounds like I'm genuinely asking him if he is making me a promise.

"I promise." Peter says and before I know it, I've leaned forward and placed another harsh kiss on his lips. I have both hands either side of his beautiful face and for a moment he responds to my kiss.

Only for a moment though, for one sublime moment he kisses me back and then he devastatingly pushes me away from him gently.

"Carla… we can't."

"Please… just kiss me Peter." I beg and then I cry.

I cry like a baby but Peter slowly shakes his head at me.

"No."

The liar.

I should have known, I should have known he wouldn't keep his promise.

"You said you'd make me feel better…" I begin "You promised me." I sob and I get up off the chair.

"Carla!" Peter shouts and he grabs my hand. "This won't make you feel better."

"It will, honestly Peter this is the most normal I've felt in ages." I say as Peter is still holding one of my hands and doing it so delicately, that it feels like he is barley touching me.

"Carla... it would be just a short term fix and whilst it would be great… in fact it would probably be the most astounding thing that me n you have ever done but that feeling wouldn't last for long and then where will you be?" Peter says and he tenderly stroking my hand now.

It feels so wonderful, so perfect and so right to have my fingers so entwined with his.

"Well we could always do it again afterwards…" I joke and Peter gives me this sexy little smirk as we sit back down.

"We could do it over and over again but eventually Carla we will ave to speak about this." He says. "That amazing post sex feeling would only last for so long."

"It would be worth it though… wouldn't it?" I ask with my head on one side, Peter shrugs casually but I sure as hell know that he wants to say yes.

"Even so… besides I don't think Roy will take to kindly to us doing anything other than eat at his precious tables." Peter says.

"Well we could always go somewhere a little more private…." I begin but then it all comes back to me.

There is nowhere on this earth that we could go.

I have no home anymore.

I can't take him back to the pub because it's not private enough and we cant exactly go to Ken's either.

"I think we should stay right here and talk." Peter says and I know that the flirtatious moment between me and him is gone.

Everything suddenly becomes serious again.

"I really don't know what you want me to say ere Peter…"

"Just say how you feel… please Carla." He begs.

I dare myself to look up and into his eyes.

I want to tell him.

I want to tell him everything but I'm so frightened.

I'm frightened because if I tell Peter everything than what next.

What happens then?

"I… feel broken." I eventually get out. Peter nods slightly and obvious wants me to continue. "I feel like everything I touch, everyone that I touch… Peter I feel like I wreck everything."

"Carla you do not…"

"Yes I do." I say, not letting Peter start sticking up for me. "I ave been through it over and over again in me head and I cannot think of a single thing in my life that I haven't managed to mess up."

"What about Underworld?" Peter says and I let out a sarcastic laugh.

"The factory? Please… I mean whilst I enjoy my job and it's important to me… It's not what I mean when I say I wreck everything."

"So what do you mean?" Peter asks.

"Oh come on Peter, you'd ave to be a moron to ave not realised that every single person that has ever got close me, is either dead or not talking to me now."

"That's not true, you ave Michelle for a start and Roy." Peter says.

"Michelle and Roy don't count." I say quickly.

"Oh they don't huh?"

"No, Michelle only puts up with me because I'm practically family and Roy only does it for Hayley's sake."

"Oh Carla that is the biggest load of rubbish I've heard since I got back ere. They put up with you because you genuinely are one of the most amazing women they've ever met." Peter says attentively, "Besides… you've got me and don't you dare tell me that I don't count."

I shrug because I don't know what else to do.

I suppose I have got him. After the messages we'd been leaving each other on voicemail and after the fact that he travelled hundreds of miles just to come here and help me out, well I guess I have definitely got Peter Barlow to lean on.

"You asked me earlier when the last time that I felt normal was… it were that night, when we were in the pub and I accidentally ended up telling everyone that I were pregnant... It were then." I say.

That was the last time that I truly felt normal and that was more than a year ago. How crazy is that?

Peter is reading my mind and says

"But Carla that was over a year ago…" He's feeling guiltily again. I can tell. It's all in his eyes this time.

"Believe me Peter, you don't have to tell me how long ago that all was. I'm not able to think of anything else sometimes."

It's funny because a year is such a short amount of time but some how, it also feels like a lifetime away.

"So you've been feeling this way since then?" he then asks. The guilt he is feeling becoming more and more evident on his face. I nod but then I say

"I'm not saying I've been totally miserable since then, yeah I've had a few good times and to everyone else it probably seemed like I was completely over it all but deep down… Peter deep down I'm just as heartbroken as I was when you left."

Peter actually looks as if he is going to cry. His eyes are glassy and I'm sure that his bottom lip actually wobbles as he says,

"Carla… I know that I've said this before but I am so sorry, I cannot say it enough..."

There's an uncomfortable silence as we both try to dance around the fact that we still need to talk about the affair.

I don't want to talk about that home wrecking slut and I know that he doesn't either.

"So… what else did Michelle tell you then?" I ask avoiding the Tina topic as much as I can.

"Well… she called me and left me a message, it were a week or so after that last one I'd left you. She just said that she was worried about you how she knew that I could help." Peter says "She was so scared, I could hear it in her voice. She said she felt like a shit friend and that all she wanted to do was help you."

I feel so bad.

Michelle is not a bad friend. Nowhere near.

I really don't want her to be thinking like that. She is my best mate and she's been so supportive to me over the past few weeks.

Maybe I should have treated her better, I'll have to tell her the next time that I see her. I'll have to show her how much I love her. I fight back more tears and then say,

"I really hate that Michelle is so worried about me. She's a newly wed for god sake. This should be the best time of her and Steve's life and yet she's too busy fussing over me."

"Yeah well she doesn't ave to now I'm ere. I'll be the one doing all the fussing from now on." Peter says. I feel my cheeks rise and I know that I'm smiling at him, in what I'm sure is a ridiculously cheesy fashion. "There it is…" Peter says and whilst I'm still smiling, I'm now confused.

"What?"

"I've been waiting to see that stunning smile all night."

God this guy is so smooth.

This so shouldn't be happening, I should be stubborn and stiff with him and yet as he smiles back at me, I feel as if I'm melting. He knows exactly how to get around me and I am powerless to stop it.

"Well I don't ave much to smile about these days Peter." I say

"Y'know me and Michelle had this big conversation about you and the one thing that we both agreed on is that you don't deserve any of the crap that you have been through." Says Peter.

"Yeah well who does? I mean shit happens Peter… why it always has to happen to me? I don't know but… I'd rather it be me than someone good, someone like Roy."

"You are good Carla. Yeah you might not be a saint but I can honestly tell you that you have one of the biggest and purest hearts that I've ever come across. Honestly every time I hear you put your self down it breaks my heart a little." Peter says and then he shakes his head miserably and the smile he once had starts to fade. "I'm the bad one. I'm the one who made you feel this way."

"Oi… this is my time to feel sorry for me self…" I say giving Peter a slight kick under the table. "Don't you dare try and take this away from me." I grin as Peter tries to dodge another kick.

"Sorry." He says and I kick him again "Ow stop it."

"Stop saying sorry as well, It's getting well old and from now on I'm gonna kick you every time you say the word sorry." I say. I'm trying to make a joke but Peter doesn't look like he's in the jokey mood. "And just for the record, you're not bad person either… you're a good man. I mean ere you are, after all this time."

"Of course I'm ere… I know that this is supposed to be your time and that... but I haven't been living the life of luxury up in Portsmouth. It's been really hard to try and get over you and"

"Good…" I interrupt. "I'm glad. In fact I want it to be damn near impossible for you to get over me." I say. I want it to be that way because that's what it's like to get over him.

Not that I'm anywhere near getting over him and I doubt I ever will be.

"Trust me… it is impossible Carla and what I was going to say before you butted in." Peter grins "Was that the moment I stepped foot back onto those cobbles, well that was the moment I started to feel as if this is truly where I'm meant to be."

There's another silence as Peter takes another sip of coffee and I fiddle away with one of the sliver bracelets that I'm never seen without.

We both keep quiet for a moment and in the end I'm the one who speaks first.

"So what else did Michelle say then?" I ask.

I ask this, when all I want to do is kiss him again but I know that he isn't going to allow me that pleasure.

Peter looks back at me and I can see it in the tear that dribbles down his stubbly cheek, that Michelle has told him something else.

"She said that you felt worthless and that… you wish it were you that had died instead..."

"Oh…" I gulp.

"Is that true Carla?" Peter asks, another tear running down his face.

It's true.

I did say that. I did feel that way.

Did.

Not anymore.

Don't get me wrong I'm still a murdering cow and I still hate myself for it but this man who is sitting right in front of me, yes the one who caused me the most pain that I've ever felt in me whole life…

Well he is also the only one who could have done this to me.

He is the only one who could have made me feel worth something again.

He is the only one.


	7. The Blame Game

I am slowly but surely starting to get somewhere with Carla.

It's not the perfect situation but hey, what is?

I mean at least she called me back earlier, at least she let me into the café and at least she is talking to me.

Carla's actually opening up to me like she used to, She's beginning to tell me things, to tell me how she's feeling, well she is when she's not trying to kiss me of course.

Weeks ago, before I'd even got her first message on my phone, I would have never dreamed that I'd be turning down her kiss, never, not in a million years.

Even when I think about it now I still cant believe I managed to push her away from me.

I can't shake off the way that her lips felt against mine, it was such a warm and welcoming feeling, like coming home from a long holiday… Only somehow at the it also felt new, like it was the start of a new beginning or something.

The whole experience of kissing Carla again was purely mesmerising, Her hands roamed through my hair and down my body, they pulled at my shirt and its almost as if I can still feel them there, it's like she's left her fingerprints all over me.

Her eyes are still red, she still has make up smudged underneath them and her hair is still a mess, almost wild in fact and yet… She is still so incredibly captivating? even when she's in this complete state.

She's totally irresistible, and I know that I'm gonna have to keep her at an arms length, just in case either one of us gets the inevitable urge to kiss again.

I was so relived when Roy interrupted us, relived because I don't think I would have had the strength to stop it by myself.

Roy though… he didn't look impressed to see me at all but deep down, I reckon that he was pretty glad I was there, In fact I almost got the feeling he was a little relived that there's someone else here to help Carla.

She still hasn't answered me though, I just asked her if what she said to Michelle is true, and if that she truly wishes that she were dead.

It's such a harrowing and horrifying question, that I barley even got it out but I had to ask her it, I just had to know.

There are tears in her eyes and she's stopped looking at me properly now, she's trying to look past me, at the door behind me and then down at her bracelets. She's fiddling away at one of them and I almost smile because it's something she's done ever since I've known her. She always plays about with it when she's anxious about something and sometimes she would get so consumed with the way that the charms moved between her fingers, that she'd forget where she is and what she was supposed to be doing.

"Carla…" I say, shocking her out of her daydream. "Please… please tell me that you don't still wish that you were dead, please tell me that coming back here has made you feel at least a little bit better." I really need to hear that she doesn't feel that way anymore, I need her to tell me I've changed that feeling, I desperately need her to.

I actually don't know what I'll do if she tells me otherwise, What if she tells me that me being here hasn't helped in the slightest? What if she tells me that she still wishes that she was dead?

I had the most terrifying dream last night, I dreamt that I was too late, that I got here and she'd already departed from this world.

I dreamt that I walked into the ruins of her old flat and she was there, on the floor, her eyes closed her body cold. I dreamt that she was surrounded by pills and a bottle of vodka and I don't think I've ever had such a vivid dream in my life, it felt so real and I woke up in such a state that I never got back to sleep.

"Peter, you being here is..." Carla begins and there's this supremely magical moment where I thinks that she'll tell me that I've done good, that I've made her change her mind but then she doesn't say anything of the sort. She still continues but she just has to blame herself, "Well whatever it is… it doesn't change the fact that I am responsible for the deaths of two people, two decent, kind, loving and innocent people… It's not fair that they are gone and I'm not." Carla says, wiping her cheeks and shaking her head quickly, as if she's trying to shake off the entire conversation.

"Carla… life isn't fair... I mean you said so your self, shit happens and you cannot let something like this define the rest of your life."

"That's just it Peter… I feel like I have no life, I'm not me anymore, I don't go out, I don't have fun… I just have this senseless existence, No one would care if I were here or not, I mean Chelle would at first but she'd get over it, she's married now and she should be concentrating on that, I want her to concentrate on it, I really do… I mean I of all people know how marriages can just…" Carla stops talking and then just shrugs.

"This is my fault... I mean I feel like if I'd have been here, if things hadn't of gone the way they went…" I begin. If I hadn't of cheated on her then we'd still be together and Carla would even be in this situation at all. "Maybe things wouldn't have got this bad."

"Well finally we agree on something…" Carla says, then she pauses, she pauses for about five seconds and I am so not prepared for what she says next. "Y'know when we got married… you told me that I would feel no rain, that you would be my shelter. You said that I wouldn't feel the cold because you would keep me warm…" I swallow as Carla has just said my exact wedding vows back to me. The way she just said them to me, memorised them, it's almost haunting. It's as if they are echoing right through my soul. Her breathing has changed now as well, It's heavy and slow and then she says, "Well thanks to you, I feel no rain, no cold… because I don't flamin feel anything!"

"Carla…"

"You were supposed to look after me…" She interrupts and she's struggling to keep calm now. "You promised me that you would and look at me… look at me Peter! Look at the state that I'm in!" Her voice is raised and before I know she hits me, hard on my chest with a closed fist. "This is all your fault!" and she's almost inconsolably sobbing at this point.

Somehow we went from getting somewhere, to actually talking, to this, to shouting, almost screaming in fact.

Maybe that's what she needs, to scream and shout, to let it all out.

Maybe getting it all out of her system is what she needs to recover from this, maybe then she'll realise that I'm still not going anywhere, I'll stay here all night if I have to.

"Speak to me Peter…" Carla then cries, she wipes her nose and then hits me again, "Say something you idiot!"

"Carla… I am so…" But then she actually slaps me around the face, it doesn't hurt but it shocks me all the same.

"Don't you say you're sorry, I mean how many times ave I heard that word from you? Sorry doesn't change the fact that you took everything from me, that you just chucked our relationship away." She says her voice is still quite loud and I'm worried that Roy is going to get concerned, that he'll come down and tell me to go.

"Carla I know that I messed up but I'm here now."

"It's too late Peter…" She cries,

"No… it's never too late Carla… I'm not giving up on you and I never will, please just let me help you." I say as I feel the tears start falling down my cheeks. Carla is shocked to see me crying too, she's quiet for a moment as I wipe my eyes.

"What did you think would happen when you came back ere? Did you think that I would just melt into your arms and forget everything? Did you think that I'd forget that you shagged someone else for months and that you were even planning to run away with her?"

"I didn't think for one second that you would forget, in fact I'm glad that you haven't forgotten because if you had, then I would have really been worried about you, I would have though that there was no hope left, but you know what? The fact that you have a least kept hold of some of your senses and have clearly not forgotten what I've did, well that's enough Carla, It's enough for me to believe that you will be able to get past all of this."

"I'll never forget what you did to me Peter, ever…" Carla says and she is almost glaring at me now, her eyes are so full of pain and yet every time I look into them, I know that she is going to make it. "I might have kissed you earlier but know that we are never getting back together… ever."

"Oh I realise that." I say because it's clear to me that she means it and whilst it kills me, I have to respect her decision. Carla looks a little taken aback now, she looks as if she was expecting me to say something else but she still goes ahead and says,

"Good." We sit opposite each other in silence for a moment, both of us trying hard not to stare at the other for too long, too much eye contact is a dangerous thing in a situation like this, situations like this always end up one of two ways…

Either I end up being pushed right out of the door or we end up in each other's pants.

Neither of those things can happen tonight though and I am going to do anything in my power to make sure that they don't.

We've both been silent for a long time now, I look down at my watch just to see what time it is but Carla sees this as another reason to have a go at me and says,

"Is there somewhere you'd rather be Peter? Because if I'm boring you then please… go ahead." She gestures over to the door of the café. I shake my head at her, she is so sarcastic and it's something that I've always adored about her, that amazing ability she has to sass her way through anything.

"I'm fine just here."

"You sure? you aint got some other woman somewhere, waiting for you to come and rescue her too?" She says with an eyebrow raised, I frown and shake my head at her because even she knows that she is being ridiculous. "Well given your history, I wouldn't put it past you." She then says, reaching forward for a sip of the probably cold coffee.

"You know we can go over the affair again and again…" I say which makes Carla to look back at me, "but it's not going to change the fact that what's done is done."

"What's done is done?" Carla scoffs, "You know I was actually sitting ere blaming myself for what you did with Tina, I was actually sitting there thinking that I could have been a better wife to you, that I could have done more and you're telling me that what's done is done? You bastard."

"Carla... I want you to listen to me and listen to me good, what I did with Tina was not your fault, it was all mine. I put my ego first and whilst it was the stupidest thing I've ever done, bringing it all up and talking about it when me and you are not going to get back together will not make the slightest bit of difference… will it?"

"I guess not." Carla sighs looking at me attentively "Don't think you're off the hook though, I may blame myself for parts of your sleazy little affair but there's still a whole heap of stuff that you're to blame for."

"Yeah well we could play the blame game all night long Carla, we could shout at each other and call each other names but you know what? it won't change a single thing and it won't change the fact that we both still love each other." Carla lets out a very dry laugh but she doesn't correct me.

She still loves me and she knows it.

The very idea of it is tormenting her, I can tell.

"Are you not going to talk now is that it?" I ask and Carla just continues to stare ahead some more, she stares for a very long time and I'm beginning to think that she thinks if she holds out long enough that I might give up and go.

There's not a chance in hell of that happening though. It's almost midnight now, and as Carla yawns I wonder just how much sleep's she's had over the past few days, weeks even.

"Are you sleeping Carla?" I ask "At night I mean." Carla shakes her head at me.

"I might get a few hours ere and there but no… not really." She says and yawns again, I catch her yawn and she mistakes it for me being tired too and says, "Look Peter, if you want to go then… I wouldn't blame ya."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"But Peter all we seem to be doing is arguing." Carla says and I laugh, I don't mean it but I do. Carla frowns, confused. "What?"

"Carla I'd rather be here and argue with you, than be anywhere else in the world." I say, "Besides this is how me and you operate, we shout, we scream, we argue , we lash out at each other and then…"

"Then what?" Carla asks, she has her head on one side and when I don't answer her because the thing we'd normally do next, is something that I ache for and yet it's something that I'm trying so hard to avoid, she shakes her head and says, "Then we'd kiss… we'd probably take each others clothes off and we probably go to bed together… is that what we'd do Peter?" Her eyes are wide and she has a distinct look of longing. The one she had earlier, the one I just simply couldn't resist.

I still don't answer her at first, I know what she is trying to do here and I know that I am probably weak enough to fall for it, she's done it before.

In the past, when I was still with Leanne and I made it clear that I just wanted to be her friend she still managed to get me to lean in, she still managed to kiss me… Obviously I kissed her back, I should have known right there and then that I loved her.

"Come on Peter… It's your turn to speak to me ere… tell me what we'd do if this was one of our normal fights." Carla says, her tone is laced with lust and as she leans forward on the chair and rests her elbows on the table, her be-witching gaze never fails to leave mine.

"This isn't one of our normal fights though is it? This is not a normal situation and I don't want it to be." I eventually manage to get out.

"Yes you do." Carla says.

"No I don't." I lie because I'd give anything for this to be one of our old spats.

I'd give anything for this to be one of the many arguments we'd have about Tracy or Rob or about the factory.

I'd give anything to be able to end this with a kiss but I can't, I can't go back there with Carla unless I know it would be forever. It's torture knowing she wont ever give me another chance but it would be more torture to give in to my urges.

I don't know why I bothered lying because, Carla doesn't believe me anyway.

"You know I may be stupid enough to still love you Peter and I may be stupid enough to leave a candle burning in me own flat but I am not stupid enough to believe that right now, you don't want to kiss me, that you don't want the taste of my lips on yours and that you don't want to take me on this very table… You're right though, what's done is done and no matter what happens here tonight… you're still a cheating scumbag and I'm still a murder."

"I am a cheating scumbag…" I nod "That much is definitely true but let me tell you something Carla… whilst you may be many things but you are not a murderer."

There is no way that I'm letting her think like this.

I've had enough. I move my chair so that I'm now right in front of her as she says,

"I am."

"Carla, It was an accident."

"Yeah so people keep saying… Peter it was my fault…" I am trying my very best to be patient with this gorgeous woman but as she keeps saying that it was her fault, my patience is wearing very thin.

"It wasn't Carla..." I interrupt but then she goes and interrupts me.

"Would you just listen to me Peter, it was my flat, my candle, my fault!" Carla cries, tears are spilling down her cheeks now and I feel so helpless, so useless because I cannot seem to stop her from crying.

This guilt she has, is embedded right into her soul, and I have to get it out… I have to get it out for good. I shake my head and I take Carla by the shoulders.

"No… you listen to me Carla and listen good because I am only going to say this one more time." I say it firmly and I think that she's going to tell me to stop but she looks up and me, her green eyes wide, still red and still teary but they are completely focused on me and that's all I care about. "That fire was just one of those totally messed up situations, it was one of those things that we cannot have predicted, It could have happened in anyone's flat, and d'ya know what else… it was an accident, do you understand me? An accident…" Carla goes to shake her head but I stop her "No… don't you dare shake your head, I know that you feel guilty for what happened but the amount of guilt that you feel is just not justified and if you keep letting it eat away at you like this, than it will destroy you."

"I feel like it already has." Carla says, almost chocking on her tears again.

"No… It hasn't not yet. Carla I've been here, I've been where you are, I've felt so low that I just didn't care what happened to me but trust me when I say that it does get better…" Carla still looks unconvinced, so I move even closer and I let go of her shoulders and take her hand instead. "Carla when you went to sleep that night did you plan on setting fire to your own flat and having two people die?" She frowns at me and says,

"No of course not."

"Exactly and when Steve crashed that mini bus a few months back do you think that he planned it?" I ask. Carla shakes her head slowly and says,

"No."

"And what about that tram crash a few years back, do you think the driver of that tram planned it?"

"No, it were just… an accident." Carla says. It's suddenly as if what I'm saying finally strikes a chord with her, "It's not the same Peter…" She says but I can see her re-evaluating everything now."

"Si told me that Kal was in that building to rescue Leanne, no one made him go in there, no one made him do that, he knew all the risks, it was a choice that he made all on his own."

"But he wouldn't ave needed to make that choice if it weren't for me would he?" Carla says, rather predictably if I'm honest.

"If it weren't for the _fire,_ which _was_ an accident." The word accident is becoming jargon to me, I've said it so often. "Say it with me Carla, say it was an accident and that you will get past this."

"I can't…" Carla sobs, shaking her head despairingly.

"Yes you can, I know you can… Say it Carla… Please Carla, Please say it." I beg as tears fall down my cheeks again. Carla takes a deep breath, there are still tears streaming down her beautiful face too and for a second I think she's not going to do it but then she nods, just the once and says very quietly,

"It was…" she stops and sniffs hard but I nod encouraging at her, praying that she will be able to continue. "It was an accident."

"Good…" I smile nervously, "Say it again Carla, only this time make sure you add that you will get past this." I tell her this because I really want Carla to truly believe what she is saying. She hesitates for a moment but I don't dare withdraw my gaze. I keep looking into those remarkable eyes of hers, I keep looking so that she knows that I believe in her and that I have not lost hope.

"It was an accident… and I will get past this." She says and even though I'm trying to stay away from her because I don't trust my self to get too close, I lean over and put my arms around her. Her arms go right around me within the second and I now know that I can bring the old Carla back.


	8. The White T Shirt

I hold Carla for as long as she needs me to.

I hold her for what seems like forever and when she eventually pulls away from me, it's still as if she pulls away from me too soon.

She's got a very small but a very distinct smile on her face as she lets go of me and I reach over and wipe away that one last lingering tear.

"How do you feel?" I ask,

"I feel… I dunno I feel a little… lighter, like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders or something." Carla says quietly.

"Yeah well you know what they say, the first step is admitting it?" I say with a smile. Carla smiles back and me and says,

"Well what's the next step then?" I look at her tired eyes and her messy hair.

"I reckon… the next step is you trying to get some sleep." I say "I mean, tonight's been one hell of a whirlwind and I don't want to put too much on you."

"Sleep…" Carla says, she looks down at her hands and then back up at me.

"Don't you want to sleep?" I ask because she doesn't look as if she really wants to go back upstairs at all.

"I do…" she says, I watch her as she yawns and then says, "The chance would be a fine thing to be honest... I've really been struggling with my sleep lately, it takes me ages to get off and then when I do, it's only for an hour or so."

"Maybe tonight might have helped that though... It can't hurt to try right?" I say because I really think that Carla needs a good night sleep to also help her through this.

"Right..." Carla hesitates, "Would you come with me?"

"Me?" I say stupidly. Carla nods sheepishly and I swear I could look at the incredibly cute face that she is pulling, forever.

"Yeah… you could... sit with me until I fall asleep?" Carla says nervously.

I say nothing at first. I guess I'm surprised that she is asking this of me, it's the most surprising thing that I've heard all night if I'm honest.

It's more surprising than Carla almost running me over, more surprising at our heated embrace on Roy's table and more surprising than her finally admitting to herself that the fire wasn't her fault.

It's surprising because Carla asking me to come and sit with her whilst she falls asleep is an incredibly intimate thing for her to do.

For her to invite me into Roy's home, into where ever she is sleeping, and to ask me to sit with her whilst she drifts off, well that is something pretty special if you ask me.

I obviously spent too much time thinking about it because Carla then shakes her head disappointedly.

"Peter if you don't want to, you don't have to." Carla says a little put out.

"No!" I say a little too loudly, "I do want to, I'm just shocked that's all."

"Shocked?" Carla says, "Why?"

I shrug idiotically and smile at Carla instead of telling her that just the mere thought of spending the night with her is giving me butterflies.

Carla gets up from her chair and picks up the scan photo that I brought for her.

"Come on then." She says, her voice is still croaky from all the crying but her face is brighter, happier almost.

"What on earth will Roy say eh?" I ask as we make our way upstairs.

"He's probably fast asleep as we speak ." Carla said, opening the door to his flat.

Roy is not asleep, he is sat rigidly on the sofa as me and Carla walk into his flat.

"Oh... You're still awake." Carla says quietly,

"Yes I am." Roy says stiffly, "No offence Peter but I wanted to stay up and make sure that Carla was okay." I nod at Roy because I know that he truly doesn't mean any offence. "Besides it would have been hard to get some sleep, what with all the shouting that I could hear" Roy said.

"Sorry about that Roy." Carla says, "I kind of got a little… emotional should we say?"

"Are you… Okay?" Roy says, Carla looks at me and although I know she's got a hell of a long way to go, she is okay for now. She smiles and nods at Roy,

"Yeah… I'm okay." She says, She looks over at a door and its then that she realises that Roy probably won't take too kindly to me going into her bedroom with her. "I'm actually gonna try and get some sleep now… Peter's gonna sit with me for a while."

"If that's alright with you." I quickly say, I say it a little nervously because I know Roy is probably thinking that I may be over stepping the mark. He looks a Carla and says,

"Well as long as it's alright with you Carla." She smiles a small smile and nods back at him. "Goodnight Carla." He says and Carla goes and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Their awkward friendship is incredibly sweet. I am mighty glad Carla has someone like Roy in her life.

"Night Roy." Carla says and she opens the door to a tiny little bedroom. I walk in behind her and as she shuts the door I look at my new surroundings.

There's a single bed, a bedside table with some flowers on it, a tiny pile of clothes, all of which are black, shoes. Carla's laptop and a whole heap of her work stuff. She catches me looking at all of this and says,

"Yep… That's all I have in this entire world." I look at her and shake my head.

"That's not all you have…" She smiles at me coyly and gets where I'm coming from.

"Well that stuff plus Chelle, Roy and… you." She says and she takes of the black jumper that she was wearing, she's not wearing anything but a bra underneath it and despite the sudden rush of desire that I feel for her, I wonder if maybe I should turn around.

"Should I wait outside?" I ask eventually as she pulls down her black jeans and leaves herself stood in her lacy black underwear.

I'm desperately trying not to stare but I know that she knows I'm transfixed by her.

"Its fine… You've seen it all before Peter." Carla says with a smirk as she bends down and starts rifling through the pile of clothes. "Unless you want to go outside of course… I won't judge you if you get a little bit too excited." She grins.

"I think I can control myself…" I say although I'm struggling to do so. Carla nods and continues rifling through her dark clothes until suddenly there's the bright tone of white and she's holding a oversized white T Shirt. She gives it a quick sniff and pulls it over her head, it's too big for Carla so I know that it's not hers, it stops just past the start of her thighs and as I look at it I realise that it's a man's T Shirt. "Who's is that?" I ask, Carla suddenly looks sheepishly at me as she runs her hands through her messy hair.

"Mine…" She says pulling out a hair brush from her bag and then brushing her hair.

"It just looks like a man's that's all." I say and then Carla looks even more sheepish "What?" I ask because she looks so cute and embarrassed right now that it almost hurts.

"Well… I kinda… stole it." She says, I look at her slightly confused,

"You stole it?" I ask and Carla nods.

"I said kinda stole it…" She's still acting sheepish as she starts fiddling about under neath her T shirt and in one quick motion she pulls her bra out from underneath her T shirt and adds it to the pile of clothes that is on the floor. It has always amazed me how women can do that and once again Carla can tell. "I'm just gonna go to the loo and wash me face." She said and she leaves me in her tiny box room all alone.

I sit down awkwardly on her single bed and it's not long before Carla has returned, she's removed all the smudged eye make up and any other make up that she might have been wearing and as I look up at her from the bed, I swear to god I've never seen her look so heavenly.

I don't know if it's because she is now wearing white rather than black and because now she's washed her face, I'm reminded of just how naturally gorgeous she is but as she closes the door to her room and I stare at her again, she actually looks like a goddess.

There's a long and lingering moment of silence, where me and Carla just gaze at each other. She then leans forward and I actually think she is going to kiss me but she doesn't, she gives me a playful shove and gestures for me to get off her bed. I get up clumsily and let her get into her sheets, sheets that Roy has obviously ironed meticulously because there isn't a crease in sight.

I wonder if Carla finds it irritating having to sleep in such a well made and properly put together bed because she's the kinda girl who loves a messy bed, she loves really big duvet and barley even makes her bed because she thinks there is no point because she's only going to get back in to later, also whenever we'd go on holiday together or to a hotel she'd always pull all the sheets out and make it so that they were untucked and just the way that she liked it.

"Roy insist's on making me bed everyday." Carla says quietly with a grin. "It's almost like being in a hotel." It's like she could read my mind but then again she always has done so I don't know why I'm so surprised. I smile at her and linger awkwardly in the corner for a moment.

"Do you want me to turn the light off?" I eventually ask. Carla nods at me and giggles,

"I feel like a little kid." She says as I turn out the light, it's not pitch black as there's a window in Carla's temporary bedroom so there is still some light from one of the lampposts outside.

"Well I would offer to tuck you in but I think you got it covered." I say,

"Well you could tell me a bedtime story." Carla grins.

"Oh I'm no good at making up bedtime stories." I say but Carla shakes her head,

"That's not true, I remember the ones you used to tell Simon." She says tiredly, then she stretches out her arms and says with a yawn, "Would you come and lay with me Peter?."

I nod even though I'm not sure where I'm supposed to lay on this single bed. Carla moves up right against the wall and opens the bed sheets so I can get in with her.

I slide in next to her and she lays down so that her head is rested on her pillow. There's another silence as we hear Roy's bedroom door click shut.

"Roy's not too impressed that I'm here is he?" I ask but I almost whisper it because it's now dead quiet and I don't exactly know how much Roy can hear from his bedroom.

"Roy's very protective of me…" Carla whispers back, "but I reckon he's glad you're here… Just like I am… Thank you Peter."

"You're welcome." I whisper.

I am so glad that I am here. It was difficult at first but I do really feel that I've made a positive difference in Carla's life and after all the pain I've caused for her, it was the least I could do.

I mean what I said earlier as well, I honestly would rather be here, in Weatherfield with her, than anywhere else in this world.

There is some thing that's bothering me though and that's Portsmouth, I know that it's been such a life changing experience for me and even though I didn't feel like myself there I knew that it was a healthy place for me to be, but as I lay here, next to Carla in this little single bed, I know that I really don't want to go back.

I don't speak for a while because I think that Carla might actually be drifting off to sleep but then she opens her eyes and quietly says,

"I ave a confession to make…"

"Oh yeah?" I ask because I wonder just what she could be talking about, she looks embarrassed again and then looks down at the White T shirt that she has on.

"This… T Shirt… It's yours."

"Mine?" I swallow and look down at the top that she had been rifling all through her clothes for. "Where did you…?" Carla shakes her head sheepishly and then sighs, she looks so adorable right now and it's all I can do not to place a kiss on those luscious lips of hers.

"So… I ran into your Dad one day a few weeks back…" Carla begins, she is still talking quietly so that she doesn't disturb Roy. "It were just after you'd left me that first message of yours actually, anyway he had this box of clothes that he were going to give to this charity jumble sale, he'd come into Roy's for a brew and he'd left the box in the corner to be picked up later… I don't know what came over me and I soon found me self going through the box and I found this… I instantly recognised it and then I just took it and shoved it into my bag."

"And _you_ told _me_ there were laws against stalking." I say with a grin, remembering what she said to me earlier when I told her that I wouldn't stop until I found her.

"Stop." Carla giggles and nudges me in the stomach. "That doesn't class as stalking anyway."

"Oh yeah? So what would you call it?" I ask playfully, Carla bites down on her lip and shrugs,

"Hmmm stealing your ex's old T Shirt from a jumble sale collection and sleeping in it, I'd say it's more like… Infatuation or even obsession." Carla says but she's not giggling anymore. "I honestly don't know what came over me… Even when I got home that night I sat there thinking to me self, _Did I really just do that?_ I just chucked it aside and tried to pretend like I forgot about it. Then… after I went to see my flat with Chelle… after I'd seen the state of everything, after it became obvious that I'd lost everything I ever had... Something changed. It was like seeing the destruction that I've caused…" I go to interrupt her but she catches on and says, "That the fire caused." I nod at Carla proudly and then she continues, "Well it all made it a thousand times worse. I came back ere in such a state and there was no one home. One minute I was just crying like any normal person and the next… Peter I could barley breath, I couldn't control myself. I was actually beginning to worry that I was going out of my mind because I was acting so crazy and then… Then I saw it, Your white T Shirt was sticking out like a sore thumb amongst all my black clothes. It was almost like a beacon of hope. I grabbed it, put it on and suddenly everything felt… better, it calmed me down and it gave me so much comfort… Just like you're doing right now."

I am speechless. That entire story has actually made me well up and I know now that I never want to leave this woman's side. I put my arm around Carla even though I promised myself I wouldn't let myself get too close. She's finding it hard to stay awake, I can tell by the way that her eyes keep closing of their own accord and by how much her breathing has slowed down.

"Thanks again Peter." Carla says softly,

"Don't mention it." I say back, I then raise my hand to move the hair that has fallen in front of her eyes out of the way. I want to be able to see as much of that breath taking face as possible. "Goodnight Carla." I add because I know that within minutes, she'll be fast asleep.

"Night Peter." She says and I lean forward to kiss her on her forehead but my lips somehow completely miss her head and end up pressed against Carla's lips instead.

I panic for about a millisecond but as Carla lazily responds to the kiss, I relax and pull her close to me.

This moment is way too precious to ruin.

I keep my arm around Carla and she lightly has hold of the top that I'm wearing.

We continue to softly kiss, gently and tenderly moving our heads in complete and utter sync with each other.

I don't think about how much things got out of hand when we kissed earlier. I can tell that this isn't a sexual moment between Carla and Me, this kiss is about comfort and about love.

I don't think about tomorrow, I don't think about Portsmouth, In fact all I think about is Carla…


	9. The Morning After

_**I had some really lovely reviews on the last chapter so thank you :)**_

* * *

If I had to pick, I'd say that last night was probably one of the best night sleeps I've ever had.

I don't know if it's because I've been so sleep deprived for so long, that just getting a proper eight hours of sleep has made a huge difference or if it's because for once I wasn't alone.

For once I actually fell asleep happily and for once I was in someone's arms when I did so.

I didn't have to cry myself to sleep and I didn't have a horrible dream.

I didn't wake up in a cold sweat, in fact I didn't wake up at all, not until I felt him move away from me.

I opened my eyes to see Peter trying to sneak out of my little box room.

"And where do you think you're going?" I say rather bossily if I'm honest but Peter turns around and smiles this incredibly cute smile.

"Ahhh, I was hoping that you wouldn't wake up, I wanted you to stay asleep for a bit longer." He says, closing the door and coming back over to my little single bed.

"Are you tryin to do a runner?" I ask rubbing my eyes, I meant it as a joke but Peter shakes his head at me adamantly and says,

"Of course I'm not..."

"I were kidding Peter." I say, Peter looks very relieved and sits back down on the bed so that he can speak to me properly.

I can barley cope with how sweet he is being to me right now.

"I just thought I'd go n let me Dad know that I'm still alive." says Peter.

"What do you mean?" I ask, sitting up.

"Well when I arrived ere last night, I just dropped off my bag and told him I'd explain everything later…" Peter looks at his watch which says that it's just gone eight in the morning. "It's almost twelve hours later in fact so I reckon I better go and show me face."

"Okay." I nod at him as he reaches forward and gently moves the hair that has fallen in front of my eyes out of the way. I smile sheepishly as Peter keeps his hand tucked behind my ear and then says,

"Maybe later I'll come back n meet you ere for some lunch?" He strokes my cheek with his thumb, which feels so amazing that I almost forget to speak.

"Erm... don't you ave to go and see Simon?" I eventually say because I know that Peter was planning on spending today with Simon and I'd hate to be stepping on his toes, especially if that Leanne Battersby is expecting Peter to show up, she'd have a field day if she knew he was blowing off his own kid for me.

"Simon's actually got plans this afternoon it seems, something about Go Karting for a mates birthday, So I'm free as a bird until about eight." Peter says and I'm secretly thrilled because I was just starting to wonder when I'd see him again and lunchtime is not a moment too soon. "So… how does one o'clock sound?"

"It sounds good." I say shrugging casually like I'm not bothered either way but I seriously cannot wait for one o'clock to come around.

"Right then, one o'clock downstairs…" Peter says with a grin, "Don't be late."

"Yeah, cause I've got so far to go." I smirk as Peter gets up off my bed. He chuckles silently as I lean over and reach for my iPad, which I keep down the end of the bed but then Peter snatches it out of my reach before I can get to it. "Oi! I need that."

"Nope, No work, no emails, no nothing… It's Saturday, get back under those covers and get another few hours kip." Peter says and there he goes again, reading my mind.

"How did you know that I was going to check my emails?" I ask with my head on one side. He bends down so that his head his literally centimetres from mine and for a stupid moment I think that he's going to kiss me.

Thank god I didn't embarrassingly close my eyes or anything because he doesn't kiss me, he just smiles and says,

"Because I know you better than you know yourself sometimes and I was married to you long enough to know that you always check your work emails on Saturday and Sunday mornings, even though you don't have to."

"Ahh what? You knew? I always thought I got away with that one." I say as I genuinely thought that Peter hadn't noticed that I used to do that back when we were together. Peter shakes his head at me and puts my iPad in the corner next to my laptop. "Y'know I could just get up and get that once you've left, right?" Peter thinks for a second, comes back over to my bed and gently pushes me back down onto my pillow, he then pulls the duvet and the sheets up so that they are covering my whole body apart from my head.

"Get some more sleep." He says still leaning over me.

"I'll try… but I can't promise anything." I whisper although I reckon I could probably fall asleep again in minutes if he stayed here with me.

"That's all I ask." Peter says, then he kisses me again and it's a good thing I'm already laying down because he makes me feel giddy.

It's the same sort of soft and beautiful kiss that we shared last night, one that I honestly can't get enough of.

When I think about it, I don't actually remember falling asleep so I'm not quite sure if we actually stopped kissing or if we just fell asleep that way.

It's a rather comical image, Peter and me fast asleep, lip to lip. I giggle as Peter pulls away from me, he looks at me with a furrowed eyebrow.

"What's funny?" he asks.

"Nothing." I say shaking my head not wanting to explain that I was thinking about how we fell asleep, I mean just in case I was the one to fall asleep on him first. Peter doesn't look too convinced but he smiles at me as he stands up straight.

"Okay then… One o'clock… downstairs, okay?" He says as he makes his way over to my bedroom door again.

"I'll be there." I say and with one last devastatingly gorgeous grin, Peter leaves me be.

I want to get right up and out of bed but I try to stay in bed for at least a little bit, just so I can say to Peter that I did try to have another snooze at least.

It's honestly the first night I've slept more than a few hours since before Chelle's wedding. It almost feels odd for me to not actually feel exhausted, it's strange that I don't dread getting up and out of my bed.

I'm still unable to believe that last night even happened, I think about the way he was with me, the way he made me talk about the fire and say it was an accident.

Michelle and Roy both tried that with me, they both tried to make me say it wasn't my fault but they both failed and yet Peter has managed to break down every single wall that I tried to put up, in the course of just one night.

I don't know why I'm surprised though, Peter's always been able to go to those places with me, he's always been able to go where I've never let anyone go before and as I hear him talking to Roy I wonder just what they are saying to each other.

I am so curious, I want to get up and listen with my ear pressed against the door but I don't, just in case Peter comes back to check on me.

I'll wait until I hear the door go and then I'll get up so I can ask Roy what they were chatting about.

* * *

So I didn't actually get to ask Roy what he was talking to Peter about because I fell back asleep. I didn't think I would but I've just opened my eyes and looked at my phone and it's just gone half past eleven.

There are also a few missed calls from Michelle on my phone and a voice mail message too.

 _"_ _ **Hi Carla, So… ave you forgiven me for calling Peter yet?**_

 ** _I'm not happy that you just walked out on me last night but when I came looking for you I saw you and Peter talking in your car, so I thought it was best just to leave you two to it. How did it go anyways?_**

 ** _Call me when you get this._**

 ** _Bye."_**

I decide I'll call Michelle back later and finally get up out of my bed. I've only got an hour and half before I see Peter again and I want to get a chance to talk to Roy before he comes as well. I dash into the bathroom to have a long shower and when I get out I see that I've missed even more calls from Michelle and received another message, only this one is just a text.

 ** _"Steve tells me he saw a certain someone leave Roy's early this morning? Does this mean Peter spent the night? Does this mean I'm forgiven? Omg Carla please fill me in on everything ASAP! xx"_**

I grin and shake my head at Michelle's obviously excited text, I text her back with a few sentences which say,

 ** _"Yes Peter spent the night… Yes you are forgiven. I'm meeting him for lunch in a bit, will come over and fill you in later. xx"_**

It feels so good to be texting Michelle something like that, something positive, something girly and exciting rather than a message where I'm trying to pretend that I'm okay.

For the first time in ages I don't have to pretend.

Obviously I still feel a whole load of guilt for the fire but it doesn't feel like I'm drowning in it anymore.

I go back into my bedroom and start going through all my clothes. I know it sounds totally pathetic but I want to look good when I walk into that café in a hour or so.

Of course I realise that Peter has seen me at my absolutely worst, especially last night with my hair practically resembling a birds nest and my eyeliner smudged all over my face but I want to look pretty decent when I see him next.

I try on and discard a few different outfits before opting for a pair of jeans that I bought when dragged out with Michelle a few weeks ago. I rarely wear jeans like this, proper blue jeans with rips at the knees that is. I used to have about four black pairs but obviously they went with the rest of my clothes in the fire.

I put the new jeans on, team them up with a black vest and for the first time in ages I wish that I had a little bit more colour in my wardrobe.

Now obviously I'm not talking about pinks and purples or anything bright like that but maybe some navy blues and some khaki greens perhaps. Maybe when I go shopping next I'll try to pick up some new clothes in those colours and maybe some shoes too, Michelle and me could make a right old day of it just like we used too.

Wow... I must be getting better.

I know I'm getting better because I'm starting to think about doing stuff again, I'm thinking about going shopping and having fun with Michelle again.

Once dressed, I straighten my hair and do my make up, I'm ready by twelve but I try to defer going downstairs for a bit... I don't want to look too eager after all.

Who am I kidding?

I'm making my way down to the café by ten past twelve and as I walk in, I'm not surprised to see that Peter isn't there yet as I'm fifty minutes earlier for god sake.

Anna is helping Roy out behind the till and there are various people in the café enjoying their lunches as I walk over to where Roy is stood.

"Good Morning." Roy says with a smile, I smile back at him in a way that I think is totally normal but then he says, "Wow."

"What?" I say, glancing around me to see if I've missed something.

"No it's just… well your smile just then, it was one I haven't seen on you in a very long time." Roy says,

"What d'ya mean?"

"Well normally you give me your pretend smile, the one that you usually hide all your sadness behind but that smile you just gave me was a real, genuine Carla smile… one that could light up a room." Roy says.

I won't lie he's kind of embarrassed me a little bit there. I shrug at him happily with another smile and then he asks me if I want something to eat.

"Erm… I will ave something in a little bit… I'm sort of meeting Peter in ere for lunch only I'm rather early for it." I say and I know that I've still got a big smile on my face as I speak. Roy nods at me and pours a cup of coffee, which I know he's going to give to me whilst I wait. He doesn't have to say anything and just hands it over once he's put in the milk, which he insists I have because he doesn't like serving me too many black coffees as he says that they are bad for me. "Ta Roy…" I say taking a sip and sitting down at the table closest to the kitchen.

The very same one that me and Peter ended up kissing on in fact, I look down at it and grin and when I look back at Roy I find that he is still watching me.

"What?" I ask again but Roy smiles at me in a way that only he can do and says,

"I am just so relived to see you like this that's all…" He says and as the café isn't too busy for now, I decide that there is no better time than the present to ask Roy what he and Peter were talking about.

"So… what did Peter say to you before he left then?" I ask, getting straight to the point.

"Well he apologised for the table incident again to start with." Roy say's walking over to the table and he doesn't quite look me in the eye as he says it, I know that kind of thing makes him feel uncomfortable so I don't push it by smirking again.

"And…" I say curiously. I'm so intrigued to find out what they said to each other.

"And then I asked if you were okay and he said he thought so." Roy says sitting down opposite me at the table. "Then he said that he was going to see his Dad and that he would come here to see you later."

"Is that it?" I ask because I kind of wanted more from them both, I don't know what I wanted but just... more.

"Yes." Roy says but I've known him long enough to know that that he isn't being entirely truthful with me.

"Roy?" I say looking him right in the eye, he's a hard guy to read sometimes but he is definitely keeping something from me. "I know that you two spoke for at least a couple of minutes… I was listening from me bedroom."

"Well if you were listening then why are you asking me what we spoke about?" says Roy.

"Well I couldn't actually hear what you were saying but I definitely heard your voices." I say, Roy smiles awkwardly at me and I know now for sure that he is hiding something. "Ohhh come on Roy… Don't leave a girl hanging, what did he say?" I beg but Roy is having none of it.

"Carla… all you need to know is that that man who was here last night honestly thinks the world of you… and by the looks of it, him being here is definitely doing you the world of good." Roy says and then he stands up and goes back behind the till with Anna.

Roy didn't have to tell me that Peter thinks the world of me.

I can tell by the way he held me close last night and I'm still thinking about the way that we kissed in bed together.

As corny as it sounds I felt like I was in a movie or something, it was so romantic and I'm almost dreading the idea of going to sleep tonight because I know that I'm going to have to do it without Peter.

Even so, I literally cannot stop smiling as I sit and sip my coffee, time seems to go so slowly whilst I wait for Peter. It gets to about half past twelve when I've finished my coffee and when I can no longer sit still anymore. Roy sees me looking up at the clock, which I'm sure has stopped working and says,

"A watched pot never boils Carla." I roll my eyes at him with another cheesy grin and get up to go to the toilet.

I come back into the café minutes later, to find Peter, sat down at the table I was just sitting at.

He's wearing a navy blue plaid shirt but it's buttons are undone so that I can see that he has on a white T-Shirt underneath it.

He looks absolutely gorgeous.

"You're early." Peter smiles.

"So are you." I say trying to act casual and not as if I'm melting on the inside.

"Well what can I say… I guess I couldn't wait to see you." Peter says as I sit down opposite him. "You look..." He pauses for a moment and looks me up and down. "Radiant." He eventually says,

"Radiant..." I say impressed and slightly embarrassed by his choice of word.

"Yeah... Radiant… Glowing… Like you're happy." Peter says, "It's a good look on you."

"Thanks." I smile as Roy brings Peter over a coffee and another one for me.

"What can I get you two to eat then?" He asks and Peter being Peter just shrugs and says,

"Can I ave a full English please Roy?" Roy nods and looks at me although I think he thinks he knows exactly what I'm gonna ask for.

"Bacon barm for you Carla?" He says and I shock him by shaking my head.

"Can I get the same as Peter please?" I say. I haven't completely got my appetite back yet but I think I can definitely mange something more than a bacon roll.

"Coming right up." Roy says and walks away from the table.

"So… How you feeling this morning?" Peter asks taking his coffee and drinking it.

"Yeah… I'm okay actually." I nod.

"And did you manage to get back to sleep?"

"I sure did." I say sipping my own coffee this time.

People come and go into the café as me and Peter talk and wait for our brunch and those people who weren't in The Rover's last night, are mighty shocked to see me and Peter sat drinking coffee together. One of those people is Sophie Webster.

I swallow my coffee and yep, there's that dreaded feeling of guilt that I get every time that I see her. She doesn't give me any eye contact but she's with her delightful mother Sally, who says enough for the both of them. She goes to say hello to me first I think but she is obviously diverted by the sight of Peter Barlow being back in town.

"Peter!" She cries. The ridiculous woman actually cried it out loud like he was the last person she was expecting to see in here. Peter smiles at her a little and nods,

"Hi Sally." He says and then he makes a point of looking directly at Sophie, who's looking extremely irritated that her mother has even acknowledged me and Peter in the first place. "Hi Sophie." He says to her. She doesn't know what to say or do at first I can tell but she really has no reason to ignore Peter, so she quickly nods at him.

"Hiya." She says. It's quite indifferent but it's a _hiya_ all the same. It's more than she's said to me over the past few weeks anyway.

"What are you doing back then?" Sally asks Peter although she's looking at the pair of us eating together and I can just see her little mind working away, She's smiling at me and she's putting two and two together and coming up with five.

"Just came back for a visit that's all… I mean there are lots of people I love very dearly up ere." He says giving me a wink, I know that I've gone red but Sally just smiles away at Peter and continues to ask him a never ending bunch of questions.

Things like "When did you get back?" "How long are you staying for?" and I switch off completely to be honest because I don't want to hear anything that Peter might say about going back to Portsmouth.

I just want to think about the here and now and not about what's going to happen when Peter leaves this place.

Eventually Sally leaves me and Peter to it and takes Sophie with her. I try to make eye contact with her as she leaves but again she doesn't even glance at me. Peter's obviously been watching me like a hawk because he says,

"She just needs time."

"Who?" I say but I know he's talking about Sophie.

"Sophie… She's still in mourning, so is Leanne and so is Kal's family." Peter says, "Once they've had time to grieve properly and once they really think about what happened... They'll realise it wasn't your fault... just like you did last night."

"Hmmm I'm not so sure." I say because as much as Peter convinced me, I don't think anyone else is going to believe that I'm not to blame for the fire.

"Carla honestly… I've been there, remember?" Peter says as Roy brings over our breakfasts.

"Thanks Roy." I say but as I look at the huge amounts of food on my plate I realise that I might have made the wrong decision in choosing such a big breakfast.

"You don't have to eat it all... Just leave what you don't want." Roy says because it seems he knows me just that well these days. Peter's looking at me too, he's got this cute little concerned expression on his face as well.

I feel like a little kid again. I mean between Peter tucking me into bed last night and Roy telling me to leave what I don't want to eat, I could honestly be about seven years old.

I know they both mean well so I just smile politely at them both and pick up a piece of toast.

"So… What are you doing with the rest of your day then?" Peter asks me, I chew my toast and shrug, I mean what plans does he think a loner like me could have?

"Nothing." I say.

"Nothing?"

"Yes nothing, my schedule is wide open Peter." I say miserably picking up my fork and starting on the egg that Roy cooked me, he's cooked it perfectly, just how I like it. I look at Peter who's still staring at me and it's like I suddenly realise how lucky I am to have them both, and Michelle.

They've all been so good to me and here I am, acting like a right martyr.

I really have to stop this self pity parade, I have to try and move on from this, I have to show everyone that I'm stronger than this.

"Do you want to come out with me and Simon later?" Peter asks whilst he starts on his bacon.

"No ta." I say shaking my head, I know that he's asking me to be kind and because he doesn't want me to be on my own. "I think I'll spend the night in with Roy."

"You sure?" Peter asks with an eyebrow raised.

"I know a night in with Roy sounds like a chore but we really do enjoy each other's company." I say to Peter because I know that he thinks I'm just saying no so I don't gate crash his night out with Simon… Although that is part of the reason I'm saying no. Whilst Simon has been quite nice to me lately I don't think he'll be too pleased to see me interfering on a night out with his Dad. He doesn't get many of those so it wouldn't be fair on him for me to turn up.

"Okay okay… If you say so." Peter says then he grins, "You'll tell Roy I offered though right?"

"Well yeah… Why?" I say suspiciously, I knew those two were up to something.

"Nothing I just want him to know that I invited you out that's all." Peter says not quite looking at me in the eye.

"Peter…" I say watching him, he rolls his eyes and swallows the rest of the food that he has in his mouth. "What are you and Roy up to?"

"Nothing." Peter says with a mouth full of food,

"You're such a liar." I say reaching over the table and giving him a poke, Peter doges my poke as best he can but sends his coffee flying across the café in the process.

"Oh what you doing Peter...?" Anna says, shaking her head as she comes over with a cloth and a mop whilst me and Peter giggle childishly, "You've only been back ere one night and you're already causing chaos." says Anna with a grin.

"Yeah Peter... honestly control your self." I say shaking my head at him.

"Me?" Peter exclaims, "It's you that can't keep your hands to yourself." He says, Anna finishes cleaning up the spilt coffee and shakes her head at us,

"What are you two like eh?" She says before going off and leaving me and Peter alone again. We smile at each other idiotically for a moment before I remember the topic of conversation we were having before Peter spilt his coffee.

"I know you and Roy are up to something." I say getting back on topic before Peter thinks I've forgotten.

"When did you get so suspicious eh?" Peter asks grinning.

"Hmmm I dunno, maybe around the same time you and Roy started aving little chats about me." I say.

"And how do you know me and Roy ave been chatting about you, I mean we could ave been talking about the weather or something?"

"Because I heard me name… You were only next door Peter… Hardly espionage is it?" I say finishing my bit of toast. Peter chuckles and shakes his head at me.

"Let's just say me and Roy thought that you could do with a night out that's all." Peter says, "Come with me and Simon tonight, We're going out to dinner and then to a movie…"

"Peter..." I begin but Peter shakes his head at me with a devilish grin.

"Do you want me to get on me knees n beg Carla, cause I will y'know." says Peter, I glance around the café for a moment and then Peter gets up off his chair as if he is going to actually get on his knees.

"Get back on that chair now." I say. Peter chuckles and sits back down on his chair, He licks his lips and me and asks me one more time.

"So are ya coming tonight or what?"

I say yes.

How could I not say yes when Peter is looking at me in that totally adorable way.

He is so bloody attractive and not just in his good looks but also in the way he acts.

Agh how did I end up here again?

I know that I shouldn't let him effect me this way but as he looks thrilled because I finally caved in on the whole going out thing, I really do feel like today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I know that I still have a long way to go before I start to feel normal again and I know even though we kissed last night, me and Peter will never be the same again. Too much has changed, too much is different.

But... maybe different is good…

Maybe different is just what I need.


	10. My Almost Family

**_Apologies_** ** _for the late update. I lost this chapter so I had to re-write it._**

 ** _Enjoy and review :)_**

* * *

So me, Peter and Simon are supposed to be meeting at eight pm.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous which is ridiculous because I've been out with the both of them, plenty of times.

Maybe it's because things are so different now.

Maybe it's because Simon has grown up so much since the last time that I hung out with him properly and I'm scared he's going to be different.

Then again he pretty much hated me back then so I suppose it can't be worse than that, can it?

The last few times he has seen me he's been rather nice actually… I really hope that he doesn't mind me coming out with them both tonight.

I guess I'm slightly nervous about Peter as well.

I'm not nervous about being around him but more of the fact that I already can't seem to stop thinking about him.

He has completely and totally consumed my thoughts but it's a nice distraction from the fire though if I'm honest.

I feel a little more like me today, I feel as if there is a light at the end of one very long tunnel and that light could just be Peter.

We stayed in the café until about half past one and I managed to eat three quarters of my breakfast, although judging by the way Roy acted when he came to get my plate you would think I'd cleared the entire thing.

I saw him and Peter give each other this co-operative smile and nod as Peter was leaving the café and even though I knew Roy still wouldn't give anything away about their little chat, I asked him again and again because I am still so curious to know what they said.

Fancy those two sharing secrets n stuff.

Roy didn't budge. I knew he wouldn't.

He just continued acting his usual self and I soon left him to it in the end.

I am still so thankful to have him. So much so that I give him a big squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before leaving his place to meet Michelle.

I tell him that Peter has convinced me to go out tonight and that I wont be home later and do you know what Roy actually asks me,

"Will you be staying out the whole night?"

"Of course not Roy… I mean what kind of girl do you think I am?" I say with a grin. "Besides Simon's coming too, it's just dinner and the cinema, I'm sure I'll be back before midnight."

"Okay." Roy says with a nod and he looks so pleased for me that I hug him again.

As I leave the café and as I walk the short walk to The Rover's to see Michelle I wonder if she'll be pleased too.

I hope she doesn't think that I'm going too easy on Peter and that all has been forgiven… I hope she understands how much he has helped me.

I mean she's the one who made him come here after all, the way I'm feeling right now has a lot to do with her as well as Peter.

I walk into The Rover's and when Steve sees me he gives me one of his dopey grins and I must have given him one back because he then says,

"Ahhhh, now there's the Carla we all know and love." His Mother is stood with him and she is smiling at me too.

"Is Michelle out back?" I ask trying not to show how embarrassed I am right now.

"She sure is." Says Liz.

I find Michelle sat at the table in her living room, she's reading something on her phone when I make my presence known.

"Alright Chelle?" Michelle looks up from her phone. She then jumps up excitedly and throws her arms around me.

"Oh my god." She says holding me so tight that I can barley breathe.

"What?" I say as she pulls away from me but she still has hold of my shoulders.

"It's really you..." She says with tears in her eyes and I wonder what on earth she's talking about at first, I mean I can't look that different can I?

Then I look at Michelle properly and I see the look of sheer relief on her face.

I see now.

I see what she means.

I see that I must look different, that there must be something about me that shows just how much better I feel today.

I see how happy she is to see me standing in front of her with a half perplexed and half amused look on my face.

I must be so good for Michelle to see me like this rather than the miserable way that I looked before.

"Of course it's me." I say with a loving smile and then I reach forward and give Michelle another hug.

"I'm sorry..." Michelle sniffs, "It's just how happy you look today... I noticed it the moment I saw you."

"Thank You Michelle…" I say and I'm the one welling up now. "Thank you so much… Thank you for calling him." I say because I really do mean it.

I am immensely glad that she got in contact with Peter.

Me and Michelle hold each other close for a little while and it's only when Steve comes in and puts his arms comically around the both of us that we realise just how long we've been hugging.

"Come on then…" Michelle says with a grin as she sits down and as I wipe at my tear stained eyes. "What happened then? I want every single detail."

So I tell her, starting with almost knocking Peter over in my car and then about what we said to each other in the café. I stop when I get to the part where we almost ended up using Roy's table for things that he really would have disapproved of. I grin wickedly because Roy's reaction was so adorably him and it actually makes me want to laugh out loud. I also grin because Michelle is smiling at me from ear to ear.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing it's just... I so knew that you two wouldn't ave been able to go through the whole night with out something like that happening." Michelle says smugly, although she doesn't look too smug when I tell her that Roy interrupted us. "Oh…" She says with a frown.

"It's okay… I'm actually glad he came back." I explain, "It got me and Peter talking again."

I continue to tell Michelle about everything that Peter and I spoke about and when I get to the part where I tell her that he actually got me to say that the fire was an accident, Michelle starts crying again which in turn makes me cry too.

"I knew he could do it…" She says, "I knew if anyone could do it, than it would have been him."

"It's thanks to you though Chelle. I'm sorry for having a go at you and running out like that last night." I say, Michelle wipes her eyes and then smirks at me. "What's funny now?" I ask because she's got that devilish look on her face again.

"Well what happened next?" She asks obviously intrigued.

I know she probably thinks Peter and me had sex last night.

She's probably imagining all sorts and as I tell her what actually happened, I don't think she could even begin to understand what happened means to me.

The fact that Peter and me were able to share a bed and not do more than kiss, speaks volumes.

We were intimate with each other with out actually being intimate and all I know now is that the idea of me having to sleep alone tonight, is one that is plaguing me with fear.

I tell Michelle about how I've been sleeping in Peter's T-Shirt and she actually laughs out loud at me this time.

I cannot put into words how good it feels to laugh and chat with Michelle again.

To giggle and talk about things like relationships and men, just like we used to.

After the fire... whenever I used to laugh about anything, I'd always kind of feel guilty afterwards or something.

It was like I felt bad because for one small moment... I forgot that I was supposed to be sad, I forgot I was responsible for the death of two people.

I don't feel like that now, I can laugh along with my best friend about the fact that I practically stole my ex's T-Shirt like and not feel the slightest bit bad about it.

I stop laughing when Michelle then asks,

"So… what's next for you and Peter then?"

This question really has me stumped if I'm honest.

There's still a part of me that shall never forgive him for what he did to me, what he did to himself and what he did to our marriage but the other part of me just wants to tell him that I never want him away from me again.

In the end I tell Michelle that I have no idea what's going on with us and she says that she's so glad that she called him because whatever is happening to Peter and me, it seems to be having a positive effect on me.

Michelle's right… as always.

I still hate that.

We talk some more about Peter and about some other stuff too, about Steve and about Liz and then we go for drinks in the bar although I only allow myself the one because I want to be totally sober for tonight with Peter and Simon.

As time seems to creep closer to eight pm I start to feel nervous again.

I tell Michelle about this nervousness and she tells me that I'm being totally ridiculous. She gives me a kiss, an encouraging hug and sends me on my way next door at only a few minutes to eight.

 _"Okay Carla… calm down, this is just a meal and the cinema… something you've done hundreds of time before."_ I say this to myself as I gather up the courage to knock on the door to Number one.

I wonder who's going to answer it and almost panic when I think about the possibilities of who it could be but it's okay because Ken answers the door with a smile and says,

"Hello Carla."

"Hi Ken." I say thankfully and as he moves so I can walk into his house.

I give him a little hug and before I know it, he's hugged me back. He's hugged me back in such a warm and welcoming way that I almost well up.

I hadn't realised how much I've missed Ken until just now, He is such a wise and remarkable man that just being in his presence always had me in awe.

"Do go in." Ken then says because I'm lingering awkwardly in the hallway.

I'm slightly worried about Tracy being in there but you know what I'm not going to do this anymore.

I'm not going to be this nervous wreck anymore. I'm not going to let her undermine me.

Whilst I've never let Tracy Barlow know just how much I worried about being around her, I still decided that enough is enough.

Yes her child was almost killed in my flat but you know what… it was an accident.

I keep telling my self this as I walk straight in the Barlow's living room but Tracy isn't there.

Peter is though. He's sat on the sofa with Eccles on his lap, he's stroking her softly absent-mindedly as his eyes are fixed on the TV and he looks so cute that it hurts.

"Peter…" Ken says, Peter turns to look at him and then he sees me.

"Hi." I say and when Peter smiles at me I go weak… again.

This reaction has really got to stop to be honest.

I'm almost wondering if I've gone back in time. These butterflies that I'm feeling right now are the very same ones I used to feel when I first realised that I fancied him.

I'd see him across the road or in the pub and all he'd have to do is smile at me, wink at me or even glance at me and I swear I have never felt anything like it… well not until now anyway.

Back then I was able to pretend like nothing was happening, at least I could act cool on the outside when I was melting on the inside.

I mean right now I reckon that I'm standing over here looking like some lovesick teenager.

I wonder if Peter knows the effect he is having on me.

He must know.

He knows me better than anyone, he must know that he still makes my heart race. He must know that he makes my senses come to life… he must do, even after so many months apart.

"Take a seat Carla." Ken says pulling out a chair for me to sit on. As I sit down I glance around the warm and friendly room.

A room which I've spent countless family dinners in and a room that when I breathe in and take in that familiar smell, I already feel like I'm at home.

Peter's watching me from the sofa as Ken says something, I barley hear him because I'm too busy looking at my surroundings, they are such basic household items but I am so pleased to see them all again.

I look at Ken's bookshelf, it's brimming with books, old ones, new ones and ones that I've never even heard of let alone read. I look over at the little knick-knacks that Deirdre used to collect and feel a sudden pang of sadness in my heart because I really wished I'd have spent some more time with her before she passed.

I see Peter's stuff all shoved messily into a corner with a duvet on top of it and then as I turn back around I smile at the cheesy family photos that are scattered around the place.

There's this unbelievably cute one of Peter and Simon, which has to be at least six or seven years old.

I feel such a rush of love when I look at that picture, It's almost nostalgic.

These days Peter Barlow without a beard is like Liz McDonald without her loud clothing but back then he didn't have facial hair and seeing him with out it in the photo reminds me of when I first fell in love with him.

Simon looks adorable too, really small and innocent.

I am snapped back to reality by a very familiar hand that is moving slowly from side to side, in front of my face.

"Ello… earth to Carla." Peter says with a grin. I shake my head slightly and grin back at him as he says, "Me Dad was wondering if you wanted a cuppa…"

"Oh god, Sorry Ken. Yes please." I say quickly. Ken gives me a nod and then goes into the kitchen. Peter is still grinning as he asks,

"One too many with Michelle was it?" he knows I went to the Pub because I told him I was going to meet her before he'd left the café.

"I only had the one actually… I was just… looking." I say

"Looking…?" says Peter, amused and nodding slowly.

"Yeah… I just haven't been ere in a while… I've missed it." I admit.

"Well I'm sure that it's missed you." Peter said, he looks down at Eccles and holds her up in the air, so that she's sort of facing him. "Ave you missed Carla Eccles?" Eccles obviously doesn't answer him but Peter still looks disappointed all the same, he then turns the flamin dog around and makes her nod at me. "I missed you Carla." he says putting on this ridiculously soppy tone of voice, one that I'm guessing he reckons sounds like a dog's.

"You're such an idiot." I say but I cannot help but laugh as he continues to make Eccles nod away at me. "Put her down Peter, or I'll ave you done for animal cruelty." I say reaching forward and tapping him on the arm. He bends down and lets Eccles trudge into the kitchen and when he gazes back up at me I say, "And that dog voice was just awful."

"Oh I dunno… I thought it was quite pawsome." Peter grins.

He is such a pillock… a luscious pillock but a pillock all the same.

"Ha ha how punny of you Peter." I say shaking my head but I'm still unable to stop from smiling at his terrible jokes. "Seriously after all these years I would ave thought you'd ave run out of these appalling jokes by now."

"Oh I've got enough to last me a life time…" Peter says, "Besides as long as they keep making you smile like that... I'll try to tell as many corny jokes as I can."

That's it… I can't help myself. I lean forward and place a soft kiss on Peter's lips.

It's only a little one.

Our lips only meet for a few seconds but it's enough.

We smile coyly at each other and then we quickly look away as Ken brings in my tea. I say thank you and glance around the room again because there is no sign of Simon anywhere.

"Simon's not back from the go karting party yet." Peter says on cue.

"Oh right." I say but I'm sort of wondering if Simon is stalling on purpose.

Oh god, He's probably dreading tonight. Peter probably told him about it and he probably hated the idea of us all going out together.

Maybe he's at home right now, trying to find a reason not to come.

I chew my lip agitatedly and Peter obviously works out what I'm thinking about because he then says,

"He's really looking forward to tonight..."

"Really?" I ask and I wonder if I really am that transparent or if he just knows me that damn well. "How d'ya know?"

"Because he told me." Peter says, getting up off the sofa and getting on the chair opposite me. "Honestly Carla… I wouldn't lie to you."

I want to believe him… I really want to believe that Peter is telling me the truth right now but there's something deep inside me that is telling me that he is covering for Simon.

Something tells me that there'll be some sort of phone call soon, one where Simon says he can't make it and how Peter will act like it's just a coincidence or something.

"You do believe me… don't you?" Peter asks, watching me with those big brown eyes of his and when I stare into them, I end up nodding at him.

My heart seems to trust him even though my head is begging it not to.

It's begging me to reconsider this whole thing. To go home and not let myself fall for Peter all over again… not that I ever really picked myself back up from the first time that is.

"Good." Peter smiles and I sincerely hope I've convinced him. "So… did you ave a good time with Michelle then?"

"I sure did…" I say mysteriously. It's my turn not to tell him now.

"That sounds very vague." Peter says and I know he is desperate to find out what Michelle thinks about everything.

"We had fun… a lot of fun actually." I smile as the door goes and Simon turns up.

He comes in and greets me with a rather upbeat,

"Hiya Carla."

"Hi Simon." I smile as he gives his Granddad a kiss and a hug. He then tells me, Peter and Ken all about the party he's just come from. He sits at the table with us and shows us the pictures that he and his mates have taken on his phone.

I barley get a second to be nervous because Simon is so full of beans and is so kind to me that I almost forget.

I almost forget who I was dreading to see and as they both walk into their back room my mouth goes dry.

It's Tracy and Amy.

All of a sudden I start to feel guilty again.

Amy gives me a nervous smile as she walks into the room properly, I smile back at her as I actually quite like her, she's quite a cute little kid once you've got to know her.

"What's _she_ doing ere?" Tracy asks and I can tell that she is annoyed, she has every right to be annoyed but it's Tracy so I don't let her see that I'm feeling so inadequate and like I really shouldn't be here.

I feel like I'm intruding and like I'm not worthy of being in such a lovely family environment.

"Errrr ello? Is anyone listening to me? What is _she_ doing ere?" Tracy says again.

"Tracy…" Ken says and he also gives her a look, which probably means shut up but Peter says more than that.

"Who's _she_?" He says irritatedly, Tracy rolls her eyes at him and doesn't give me the time of day when she says,

"You know… her." She says waving her arm at me and then I hear something rather shocking.

"Her name is Carla, Auntie Tracy" Simon says giving her a scornful look as he gets up of his chair.

Woah.

Peter and Ken both look dumbstruck.

Did Simon just stick up for me?

Did he just sort of fight for my honour?

I think he did.

I honestly don't know what to do.

Simon's definitely his father's son, I'll give him that.

I give him a quick smile to thank him as Tracy raises an eyebrow. She goes to say something else but Simon interrupts her and says,

"Come on you two… we're gonna miss the movie if we don't get going."

"Si's right." Peter says proudly and he gets up too. He nods goodbye at his Dad, ignores Tracy and looks at Amy. "D'ya wanna come too?" he says to her.

"No thanks." Amy says although I can tell she probably wants to but is trying to be loyal to her Mum. I say a quick goodbye to Ken and then leave the living room behind Simon and Peter.

I don't say anything as we leave the house I just smile to myself.

I don't know what is going to happen tonight but what I do know is that tonight is going to be fun.

We go to the Trafford Centre and after much deliberation about where to go we eat in Bella Italia.

It's one of those lovely Italian restaurants where the tables are all placed close together and candle lit, it can be rather romantic but since we have Simon here it's not so bad, he was the one who actually suggested to eat in here and it reminds me of a time when he was very young, we came here to eat, It was my choice and he was an absolute nightmare.

I wonder if he remembers it?

We enter the restaurant and Simon sits next to me rather than his Dad, which is another surprise.

I'm starting to wonder if he's been told by Peter to be on his best behaviour because he's being such a sweetheart. He chats away like normal and we both end up ordering the Spaghetti Bolognese, we also make a right mess of it too by the time it comes.

It's not exactly ideal "date night" food but then again this isn't really a date.

This is just a friendly meal between friends… right?

I get Bolognese sauce on the sleeves of my jumper whilst Simon gets it pretty much everywhere else.

"Look at the state of it… honestly I can't take you two anywhere." Peter grins, eating his pizza demurely and pretending like he doesn't know us because we genuinely look like a mess.

I can tell that Peter is watching the way Simon and me interact with each other and we both laugh at the state of our clothes, I can also tell that Peter is enjoying every single moment of it.

Peter takes a photo of us on his phone and when I lean over the table to look at it... We look like such a perfect little family... I wish we could stay in this restaurant forever.

I wish we didn't have to go soon and that I didn't have to go home later because I'm dreading it.

I wish I could stay here with my almost family.

The waiter comes over and takes our empty plates and then Peter asks for the dessert menu.

Simon chooses one and so does Peter. I say I don't want one but Peter asks for a large one of his because he knows as soon as their ice cream comes, I'll be aching for a taste.

We ended up getting very carried away with the desserts which were amazing, banana's, fudge, ice cream, toffee and whipped cream. Peter asked for two spoons with his and we eat the entire thing between us. It's only when the waiter comes over with the bill and we see that it's half past ten, that we realise that we've totally missed the movie that we intended on seeing.

I wonder if Simon minds too much that we missed the movie but he doesn't seem that upset at all.

"It's okay… I didn't want to see it that bad, I only chose it because my Dad suggested going to see a movie tonight." Simon says whilst we wait for Peter, who's queuing up to use the toilets.

"And you don't mind that I'm ere…" I say delicately.

"No… I really don't." Simon insists, "I'm glad that you came."

"Really?" I ask because he has this look of gratefulness on his face and I really want to know what he means.

"Yeah… When me Dad said he was going to ask you to come I was nervous..." Simon says and it's like he's about seven years old again.

"You were nervous?" I ask,

"Yes." Simon nods.

"Well if it makes you feel any better... I were nervous too." I say smiling softly at Simon. "What made you nervous?"

"I wondered what you might think of me." Simon begins, "I've not exactly been well behaved recently and I know I was... difficult when I was younger but I've changed now... I miss having you around and me Dad... I hope he stays and I hope you and him can maybe be friends."

"I hope so too." I say quietly.

I really really do hope so.

Peter comes out of the toilets eventually and smiles when he sees me and Simon chatting,

"Should me ears be burning?" He asks, Me and Simon just smirk at each other and say nothing.

We mess around in the bowling alley for a bit seeing as we missed our film and it's only when we drop Simon off at Leanne's flat, that I start to feel uneasy again.

"You okay?" Peter asks.

"Yeah..." I say although I'm not, we start the walk to Roy's and we are there before I know it.

There's a lingering silence and I honestly don't know what's going to happen next.

Peter glances around him and then pulls me in for a hug.

"Are you gonna be okay tonight? You know... sleep wise?" He asks, his breath tickling my ear. It almost sounds as if he's offering to stay with me again and as much as I would enjoy him being there...

I have to be strong.

I have to see if I can make it without Peter tonight, after all he may not be here for long.

As terrifying as it sounds, he might be leaving soon and I simply cannot let myself depend on him.

The only person I should depend on is myself.

"I'll be fine..." I nod but it couldn't have been a convincing one because Peter raises an eyebrow at me and asks,

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure." I insist as he lets go of me.

"Well you know where I am if you need me... okay?" Peter says.

"Yeah yeah... I know." I nod at him and he goes to walk away from me. Then he stops, he turns around with a glint in his eye and takes off his coat. "What... are ya doing now?" I ask as he hands me his jacket, he's still wearing the plaid shirt from earlier but as he takes it off, I realise what he's doing.

"Here..." he says, handing it to me and taking his coat back. "Just in case you get bored of my T-Shirt." he grins.

I look down at his shirt and I know I'm blushing again.

"Thanks." I say and the idea of me not depending on this man is a ridiculous one.

It's too late.

The damage is already done and as he walks away from me towards his Dad's house, I know that I'm really going to miss him tonight.

Every cloud does have it's silver lining though... I've got his shirt and there is no way I'm giving it back either.


	11. The Truth

I'm stunned.

Shocked, appalled and completely unable to believe what I just found out.

I mean none of this makes sense and there's a part of me that wishes I never heard it but at the same time I am so grateful.

How can she have done this?

How can she have put the blame on Carla like that?

My own sister. I mean I know that she is capable of many, _many_ things but this has really crossed the line.

She actually let Carla believe that she was responsible for the fire.

I have about a hundred questions about what happened but I really don't know where to begin.

I mean how do you ask a member of your own family why and how they managed to kill two people?

It's not exactly general conversation, is it?

Tracy is stood there, staring at me with a look of pure fear in her eyes. I don't think she knows what I'm going to do next… hell I don't even know what I'm going to do next and neither does my Dad by the looks of it.

It all started when I got back from being out with Carla and Simon for the night. We had such a great time together, it didn't quite go to plan and we ended up missing the movie but it was perfect all the same.

Carla and Simon got on so well, a far cry from the way they used to be.

They messed about together and almost started ganging up on me at one point. Seeing them bonding so much was such a sight to see that I just couldn't help but smile my way through the evening.

On the way home I could sense that Carla was getting nervous about sleeping alone. I still know her like the back of my hand and as I took her to Roy's there was a moment where I thought… okay I more like prayed that she would invite me in.

We kissed again earlier, It was only a little one and I don't know what it means but I do know that something special is happening, something beautiful and something so pure that I have to make sure that I don't mess it up this time.

I know she'll never take me back but I honestly think we could be friends again… best friends.

It's not ideal but I could cope with that, I really think I could cope as long as I could still be part of her life.

She didn't invite me in but I reckon that was because she was trying to show me that she is tough, that she is able to make it on her own and I decided that I was going to let her have that chance… although I made sure she was armed with something else of mine to sleep in.

She looked thrilled when I gave it to her and I wonder if she's wearing it right now, I wonder if she's got it on with my T-Shirt and I wonder if she's sitting there with it wrapped around her body and I wonder if she is thinking of me like I am of her.

I wonder it so much that for a second I forget the situation that is right in front of me.

How could I forget?

The moment I got into the house, Tracy started on me.

She went on and on.

Telling me not to be stupid, to stay away from Carla.

Telling me that she was a murderer, a train wreck and that I needed to stay well clear.

I ignored all of this at first and just went and made my self a coffee in the kitchen but my Dad didn't.

Despite the unconventional way we got together, my Dad has always been a fan of Carla. He's always admired her strength and he's always been one of the few people that knew how misunderstood she could be. He knows how vulnerable she can be at times and he knows just how much she loved me.

Dad told Tracy to be quiet and that he'd had quite enough of her Carla bashing for one night. I was watching this all from the kitchen wondering whether Tracy would stop, only she wasn't smart enough to keep her mouth shut on this occasion and ended up revealing the true horror of what happened in this fire at Victoria Court.

"Dad you can't blame me for hating her. I mean the woman was supposed to be looking after my child and yet there she was, passed out on her sofa, blind drunk and she left a candle left burning on a cabinet full of flammable stuff for god sake!"

"Where was the candle?" Amy asked sitting upright, she had been dozing off on the sofa but now she was all ears, looking up at her mother in confusion.

It was then that Tracy must have realised what she just said because she suddenly looked very nervous, scared and worried that she had just blown it.

Oh she blew it alright, she blew it big time.

After weeks of keeping it to herself, Tracy's secret was out.

She tried to act otherwise though, she tried to pretend like nothing was wrong.

"On the cabinet…" Tracy said, "Y'know like you told me it was when you went to bed."

"No I didn't." Amy said frowning,

"Yes you did Amy." Tracy said with her eyes wide, her tone of voice told her daughter to shut up but Amy wasn't one to pay attention to that sort of thing.

"No I didn't… why would I? Carla and me lit the candle on her coffee table, it was nowhere near anything flammable… She wouldn't have moved it… She didn't move it." Amy said and it was then that I came out of the kitchen and looked at my sister.

She looked guilty as sin and from that moment I knew that she'd done something. I mean how else would she have known where this candle was burning?

Dad knew something was up as well, he casually sent Amy to bed, although he was in state of shock and as Amy went reluctantly into her bedroom, Tracy got up off the sofa and tried to say that she was also going to bed.

"Tracy!" My Dad said, getting up and stopping her from leaving the living room. She swallowed hard and bit her lip as I continued to stare at her.

"What?" She eventually says, "What are ya looking at me like that for?"

"Tracy… tell me that you didn't have anything to do with that fire." Dad says even though I can tell by the look on her face that she had everything to do with it.

It's completely obvious and yet it's not completely obvious why?

Why on earth would she have started a fire in Carla's flat?

Why on earth was she in there in the first place and why the hell did she let Carla take the blame for it all?

"Don't be stupid Dad." Tracy says but the lack of confidence in her voice tells us both that she is lying.

"Tracy…" I say moving closer to her, "Tracy what the hell did you do?"

"Peter…" Tracy said shaking her head, trying to pretend as if she is in shock or something. "I didn't do anything."

"Don't lie to me Tracy." I say shaking my head, my whole body is shaking now because I'm getting so angry that I can barley control myself.

"Sit down Peter." My Dad says because he's watching me and he can tell that I'm starting to lose it.

"No!" I cry and I make sure that I am looking Tracy in the eye when I speak, "What the hell did you do Tracy?"

"Nothing!" she shouts back but she is lying through her teeth.

"Then how did you know where that candle was?" I ask, Tracy rolls her teary eyes and shrugs at me… she actually has the nerve to shrug like this is just a general conversation and not a situation where innocent people have died, where an innocent woman has gone through hell and back because of it.

"I didn't… I made a mistake that's all." Tracy says adamantly, hoping that me and Dad will leave it and believe her but unfortunately for Tracy I've known her long enough to know when she is lying.

"You're lying... aren't you?" Dad says and the way he is looking at Tracy makes my heart break a little. He's looking at her with such disappointment and he is almost in tears as he says again. "You're lying Tracy."

"Dad I'm not…" She begins but even she can't ignore the wretched look on my Dad's face as he says,

"You had something to do with that fire didn't you… that's why you were so upset afterwards… that's why you kept saying you'd done something wrong… isn't it." Tracy takes a deep breath and then nods at my Dad.

That's it.

The truth is finally out and I swear I have never felt so relieved yet so bloody angry at the same time.

It's a really strange feeling, it has me unable to move, stuck still on my feet, rooted to the spot but it also has me wanting to race across the street and tell Carla everything.

She has to know that it wasn't her fault, she just has to but I need to stick around for the moment… I know that I've got to hear what kind of ridiculous excuse Tracy is going to come up with to explain all of this.

"I didn't mean to do it." Tracy begins, tears pouring down her cheeks, her entire body shaking just like mine was earlier… only I have no sympathy for this woman… none at all. "I went into Carla's flat… I had keys that I took from Michelle and I just didn't know what I was doing… I lit the candle so that I could see and then I saw this picture of Rob." Tracy starts crying properly now, she puts her head in her hands for a moment as my Dad says,

"But Tracy you still haven't explained why you were in Carla's flat in the first place?"

He's right, why the hell was she there? What the hell was she thinking?

"Because I wanted to hurt her okay!" Tracy cries, wiping her face and sniffing, "She took everything from me that day she called the police on Rob and I just wanted to hurt her... as I said I didn't know what I was doing but I swear it was an accident, I put the candle down and ran out of her flat… it was only when I walked past the building later that I saw that it was on fire."

"Then why the hell didn't you say something?" I say, "Why let everyone blame Carla for it?"

"Because I saw it as revenge." Tracy said, "She ruined my life and I saw it as a way to ruin hers."

"For god sake Tracy what the hell has Carla ever done to you?" I say angrily and I actually think I scare her because she flinches and goes and hides behind my Dad... not that he could stop me from doing anything because he is utterly speechless from all of the information that he has just heard.

"She ruined my wedding day Peter!" Tracy said but this only makes me angrier.

I mean I'm her bloody brother for god sake and here she is acting like she would have preferred it if I had stayed inside for a crime that I didn't commit.

"You need help Tracy… seriously." I begin, "You do realise that Rob killed someone… he murdered someone in cold blood and all Carla did was do the right thing." Tracy goes to say something but my Dad interrupts her.

He finally speaks again.

"Peter is right… Tracy your behaviour is not normal."

"Dad I didn't mean it…" Tracy began but she was interrupted again,

"I don't mean the fire I mean the way you've been acting since then… completely normal… as if nothing has happened." Dad says shaking his head. "Do you feel no guilt at all?" he asks.

"Of course I've felt guilty Dad…" Tracy says looking down, she's clearly ashamed at what she is has done… that I can tell but I still don't want to give her the time of day, What I really want is it go and find Carla… to tell her that it was my selfish little sister who started the fire that ruined her life and that she no longer has to feel guilty anymore.

Imagine the relief that she'll feel… imagine how much better it would make her feel to know that she isn't responsible for Kal and Maddie's deaths.

"Carla has been through hell and back these past few weeks Tracy." I say, "She's been thinking all sorts of horrible thoughts, drinking her self to sleep and thats when she's not crying herself to sleep and ere you are saying that you feel guilty."

"Oh what would you know about it Peter?" Tracy says shaking her head at me, "You've barley been ere… you don't know anything about what's been happening and you can't just come swanning back and think you know it all."

"Well that's where you are wrong Tracy… because whilst I aven't been ere, I've been in contact with Carla and then I spent all night with her. She has been totally guilt ridden. Now I don't mean that she has had a guilty thought every now n then, I mean she has been completely consumed by guilt, it has taken over her soul Tracy." I say, and then I go and pick up the phone.

"What are you doing?" Tracy asks me but she fully well knows what I am doing, "Peter you can't call the police." She says frantically, "Dad stop him."

My Dad looks worried as I hold the phone in my hands.

I'm not even sure what I'm doing with it but I know that the lies have to stop.

Now that the truth has come out it's not going back in.

"I'm not gonna call the police…" I begin, looking at Tracy intently. "You are…"

"Peter… it was an accident." Tracy cries, more tears make their way down her face but I still don't feel sorry for her, not one little bit. In fact I'm finding hard to believe that she's even a part of my family right now.

Whilst we aren't blood related and whilst we've really had our moments, I've always felt that Tracy was my proper sister… until now.

I can barley look at her right now.

"It may have been an accident Tracy but you cannot continue to let Carla take the blame for this… it isn't fair." My Dad says taking hold of Tracy's hand.

"Dad I'll get arrested… I'll go to prison!" Tracy says, "What about Amy?"

"You didn't care about Amy when you were busy setting fire to Carla's flat." I mutter indignantly.

"I didn't know Amy was there you idiot and for the last time I didn't mean to start the fire." Tracy says and then suddenly Amy appears in the living room. Her eyes are wide and she is staring at her mother in complete shock.

"You started the fire?" she says looking puzzled.

"No of course not." Tracy says with a nervous smile, Amy doesn't believe her though.

"But that's what you just said." Amy says, My Dad takes her by the hand and says,

"Your Uncle and Mum are talking about something else, come on let's go to bed." Amy gives Tracy a scared look, as she's lead out of the room, one that so obviously says, _I know that you're lying_.

"See what you've done now?" Tracy says staring at me and shaking her head.

"Me?" I say shaking my head back at her. I beginning to think that this woman is seriously deranged. What goes through her head?

"Look Peter… I get it, I understand that I did a terrible thing but think about Amy… she really doesn't deserve this."

"And what Carla does? She deserves to think that she is responsible for two deaths." I ask. Tracy doesn't answer me because she can't answer me. "That's what I thought." I say brandishing the phone. "Call em Tracy… call the police or I will."

Tracy doesn't do anything at first, she just cries pathetically but she eventually takes the phone off me. She holds it in her hands for a while and then puts it down on the table.

"Peter… look we can tell Carla, we can go and tell her right now that it was all my fault and then she'll be okay. She'll be fine and we don't ave to let anyone else know about it."

"No… that's not good enough Tracy." I say, "Everyone needs to know about this… it's unfair for Carla to take the blame for a moment longer, y'know every time she sees Sophie and The Nazir's she looks as if her heart is breaking, They all blame her… This has to stop… it has to stop now."

I pick it up the phone again and then Tracy sighs exasperatedly at me and says,

"Oh go on then… call the police on your own sister… that's what she did… Carla, she called the police on her own brother, boy you two really are made for each other."

"I'm glad you think so." I say before putting the phone down and walking out the living room.

I'm not going to call the police. Not now anyway.

I'm going to tell Carla.

I have to tell Carla.


	12. Anger & Peace

I knock on the door to Roy's flat once, twice, three times before he answers.

I was kind of hoping it would be Carla, so I could tell her straight away because I can barley hold in what I now know.

Roy's dressed in a generic pair of blue pyjamas and has this look of panic on his face. I realise that it's rather late and that Roy was probably thinking that all sorts was wrong, that maybe there was an emergency or something.

Actually... do you know what? This is an emergency, Carla needs to know the truth about this fire and she needs to know it now.

"Hi Roy, I'm sorry to intrude like this but I need to speak to Carla." I say

"Peter it's almost midnight." Roy begins but I shake my head at him.

"Yeah... I'm aware of that but I still need to talk to her… it's about the fire and it's very important." Roy still looks annoyed but I reckon I've made it clear to him that I truly do need to speak to her.

He reluctantly lets me in and I follow him into his flat to see Carla sat on the sofa wrapped in a blanket. Her eyes are almost closed but when she sees me appear in the living room she sits upright.

I'd normally feel guilty for interrupting such a peaceful moment because she gets so few of them but I couldn't care less right now.

Hopefully after tonight she'll have a real chance a peace and serenity.

"Hey?" she breathes with a puzzled look on face.

I give her a relieved smile because I know what I'm about to tell her will change her life as she knows it right now, for good.

"Hi." I say and Carla smiles back at me for a quick second before she starts to wonder why on earth I'm here.

"I'll leave you two to it." Roy says as he goes into his bedroom and closes the door behind him. Carla watches him go to his room and the looks at me.

"What's going on?" She says getting up of the sofa and revealing the fact that she is wearing my shirt and a pair of black knickers.

Her toned legs are bare and so is her chest, the shirt is buttoned up but only to a point where it's made appropriate for her to be sat in front of Roy with.

It's a sight that under any other circumstance would excite me to no end but I am too worked up with what Tracy has done to even properly process the fact that Carla is stood in my shirt and almost nothing else.

"Peter...?"

"You might wanna sit back down." I say but Carla now looks worried, like I'm here with bad news instead of good.

"Alright… you're scaring me what is it?" She says as I take her by the hand and sit her down on Roy's sofa.

"Carla… I really don't know how to say this without shocking you so I'm just gonna come right out with it." I begin, Carla takes a deep breath and then I say it. "Carla you didn't start the fire."

She doesn't say anything.

She doesn't say anything for the longest time and when she does speak she says,

"Peter what are you talking about?" I move closer to her so that I can look right into those frightened eyes of hers and I say,

"You didn't start the fire Carla… it was Tracy."

"What?" Carla says and then she shakes her head. "No… She couldn't ave, Peter she wasn't even there that night."

"Carla!" I cry because I know she's going to start telling me that I've got it all wrong.

She'll say that I've "made a mistake." and that it was all her fault and I don't want her thinking that way for a second longer. "You didn't forget to blow out that candle… Tracy went into your flat and lit it again."

"What?" Carla says, "B… but why? Why would she do that?" She's shaking her head again, almost shaking the idea of the fire not being down to her, right out of her head.

"Because she's crazy." I say with a shrug. I didn't mean it to come out as casual as it did but it obviously annoys Carla because she tuts at me and says,

"Peter you've just sat there n told me that your sister started a fire in my flat n killed two people, so I'm gonna need a little more than she's crazy."

"She says she wanted to hurt you. She went into your flat, lit the candle n then saw a picture of Rob n changed her mind I guess." Carla eyes dart back and forth. I can tell that she is slowly trying to figure all of this out and that she slowly starting to believe what I am saying to her.

"So… what she just told you this?" Carla eventually says, she has tears in her eyes and her body is shaking. "She just… admitted this all to you because what…?"

"Amy caught her out… she was talking about where you left the candle and everything started to unravel. Me Dad was there he heard everything." I say as Carla stands up again.

I wonder what she's going to say as she paces back and forward in front of me and I make sure I try to ignore how good my shirt looks on her.

"So… let me get this straight…" Carla begins, breathing heavily and wiping a tear that has fallen down her cheek. "Your sister left that candle burning in my flat, my hard earned, beautiful flat and then when it started a fire and killed two people, she let me take the blame for it?"

"Yes." I say and I watch Carla for a second, she seems distraught, upset that Tracy could do such a thing but she's more angry than anything else. She is still breathing rigidly and then she opens her bedroom door and goes inside. "Carla..." I say but she doesn't answer me.

I stay sat on the sofa for a while and then she comes back out in a pair of jeans and killer boots. She still has my shirt on and she still has a furious look on her face.

"I'm gonna kill her." Carla says, I get right up this time... to stop her before she leaves the flat properly. "Peter move!"

"Carla… I think you need a while to just let this all sink in." I say but Carla is having none of this.

"Oh trust me Peter, it has sunk in and I am telling you that that woman is dead meat!"

"How is that going to help?" I say although I understand her fury.

I understand that she wants to lay in to Tracy because who wouldn't want to but I also understand that these past few weeks have been so difficult for Carla and that she needs more time to truly process everything that she has just heard.

"Oh it'll help alright! It'll help me big time." Carla says pushing past me, I take her by the arm which angers her even more because she shoves me hard. "Let go."

"No." I say still holding onto her arm although I really hate being even a little bit forceful with Carla, I hate having hold of her in anyway other than in a passionate one.

"I'm being serious Barlow you better let go of me or else." She says, rather intimidatingly I might add.

"Or else what?" I stammer and I move in front of the front door so that she can't get out.

Even though she is angry and even though she's had to put up a huge revaluation tonight, I suddenly see a flash of lust in Carla's eyes.

There's an undeniable tension between us and I can sense that Carla feels it too.

Especially as she licks her lips and smirks at me... I know exactly what she going to do next.

I'm not stupid, Carla has played me like this before, she's always been able to get what she wants out of me and as she leans forward and to kiss me roughly on the lips, I know that she's only trying to distract me for a moment, she knows the right buttons to press and then she'll try and push me out of the way and leave.

I know all this but I still let her lips touch mine for a moment.

I let her tongue slide into my mouth and as the kiss intensifies, I let her bite down on my bottom lip. I wait for her to try and push me out the way but it doesn't come as quickly as I thought it would.

We kiss for a couple of moments more but it's not much longer before I feel her try to pull me away from the door.

"It's not gonna work." I grin with Carla's lips still on mine. She pulls away from me and rolls her beautiful eyes.

I wish we could have kept on kissing like that but I knew exactly what she was doing and even though Tracy deserves everything that is coming, there is no way I'm going to let Carla go and beat the shit out of her.

"Can't blame a girl for trying eh?" she sighs, "Move Peter!" she shouts and she does this just Roy comes out of his bedroom.

"What's going on?" He asks, he's looking at me wondering what I've said to make such a peaceful Carla turn into this fuming one that is standing with her fists clenched and her eyes wide.

"Peter ere has just informed me that his spiteful little sister was the one who caused the fire in my flat and I was just on my way to give her one hell of a smack." Carla says bluntly. Roy swallows and then shakes his head,

"I… I really don't think that's a good idea." He says nervously because he can see how angry Carla is and we both know how an angry Carla is not one to be messed with.

"Well I'm sorry but I ave to disagree there, I think it's a pretty damn good idea to be honest with ya." She says but her face softens when she looks at Roy properly.

When she sees how much he doesn't want her to leave in such an angry state of mind.

"Carla believe me, no one wants Tracy to get her comeuppance more than I do but it's the middle of the night. Me Dad is there and so is Amy… think about how she will react if you go in there, all guns blazing. She doesn't deserve this, any of this." I say. I think I've gotten through to Carla because she sighs, goes to sit back down on the sofa and then buries her face in her hands.

"So… Tracy started the fire?" Roy says, looking at me with a gaze full of questions.

"Yeah." I say backing away from the door that Carla had been so desperate to get out of.

I look at her and she is softly sobbing into her hands. "Carla…" I say sitting down, "Carla look at me."

"How could she Peter?" she says looking up, tears falling down her face, onto my shirt and onto her hands. "How could she sleep at night knowing that she killed two people?"

"I don't know Carla… I honestly don't know and we can sit ere n try to figure it all out but the important thing here is that this fire… had absolutely nothing to do with you." I say wiping her face and smiling at her.

"Are you going to inform the police?" Roy asks, and I nod. "Good… Tracy has gone too far this time." he says with a returning nod.

"The police aren't going to do anything." Carla says shaking her head at Roy, and me "There's no evidence that it was Tracy... she'll get away with it."

"Yeah well I don't care what the police do, First thing tomorrow I'm going to go around that street and tell every single soul what Tracy did, there is no way I'm going to let everyone blame you for it."

"And what does Tracy think about this idea of yours?" Carla asks me, her eyes are still teary but she's calmed down now, she's not as enraged as she was before.

"Who knows…." I shrug.

"She'll probably deny it." Carla says, "She'll probably say that you're lying."

"Well she can deny it all she likes but when it comes down to believing me Dad or her... I think people will know who's telling the truth."

"Yeah but Tracy is your Dad's daughter Peter… He's not going to go around the street bad mouthing her is he?" Carla says rubbing her head, I can see her mind working in overdrive, I can see her imagining everyone not believing me and still blaming her for the fire and I hate it, I hate it with a passion.

"Carla… my Dad knows the difference between right and wrong. Daughter or no daughter he will tell people the truth." I say. I move closer to her and I take her hand. "I promise you, today was the last day that you get blamed for that fire."

Carla nods as if she really believes what I am saying and it's only when I put my arms around her that I notice that Roy must have creeped back into his bedroom.

"I still want to beat seven shades out of your sister though." Carla says quietly.

"Yeah well you can do that in the morning." I say hoping that she would have calmed down by then.

I'm not expecting her not to have it out with Tracy but I know that if she waits until morning, that some of the anger that she feels towards Tracy might have thawed out by then… Well I hope so anyway.

Carla stays in my arms for a while, longer than a while actually because the next time I look at my watch it's almost one am.

"I feel… weird." Carla says,

"Weird?" I say pulling away from her and watching her.

"Yeah weird… It's like I feel different somehow, like something is missing." Carla says looking slightly confused.

"That'll be the guilt, slowly making its way out of your system." I say, tucking some hair behind Carla's ear. She raises an unconvinced eyebrow at me and tilts her head slightly. "Well what else could it be?" I ask and then Carla shrugs.

"I guess you're right… I mean I've lived with it for so long that now it's gone… I feel really bizarre." She says quietly. "I feel like I'm not supposed to be happy or something."

"Well you can stop that right now… you of all people deserve happiness Carla, you have been through hell and back and now you know the truth, you can get your life back on track." Carla nods and looks down at our hands, which have somewhere along the line become entwined with each other's.

"Ave I even said Thank you?" She asks,

"For what?"

"For… everything. For coming ere n giving me the scan photo, for making me realise the fire wasn't my fault. For genuinely saving me... saving me like you always do" Carla says looking up at me now instead of our hands.

"You don't need to say Thank you..." I say weakly because her words have almost moved me to tears. "because coming back ere was something that I just had to do… for myself as well as for you."

I can't believe how nervous I was about it.

I can't believe I almost considered turning back because these past two days have meant to world to me.

They have been an emotional roller coaster, one that I wasn't sure that Carla and me would have made it through in one piece but as we sit together on Roy Cropper's sofa, I know that Carla and me are going to be alright.

I'm still not sure that she'll ever take me back, hell I'm still not sure if I even want her to do that to her self again, as it would probably be a huge risk but I know that we will always have this spectacular bond and that is something we can hold on to... even if we don't get back together again.

"Honestly Peter... I don't know what I would ave done if you hadn't of come back..." She says, fiddling with one of my fingers as she speaks but as she gets to the end her voice cracks slightly,

"What is it?" I say as she sniffs hard.

"Nothing…" she says but I know there's something.

"No go on." I plead. Carla hesitates and then says,

"I just don't want you to think that because I'm on the mend that you… ave to leave. I still need you around Peter."

"Good..." I smile "because I'm not going anywhere." I say, then I lean forward and as I kiss her gently on the head, she smiles.

She doesn't think I see it but I do.

It truly is one of the most beautiful smiles that I've ever seen in my rather ridiculous life and before I know it Carla moves her head and kisses me again.

Softly. Tenderly this time and I know that she means it.

It's not a game or a distraction or a ploy…

It's just Carla and she is kissing me so endearingly that there is no way I am ever going anywhere, ever again.


	13. The Landlord

So…

Something incredible happened last night.

Something that I was not expecting and something that I'm almost thinking could be a dream.

I wouldn't be surprised not with the way my mixed up mind has been over the past few weeks.

Peter somehow got this crazy confession out of Tracy and then came to tell me about it.

She told him that she started the fire in Victoria Court.

Well she didn't tell him he worked it out and she tried to deny it but the truth all came spilling out in the end.

She told him that she lit that candle and then left it there, in my flat.

I mean...

My first thought was that Peter was lying, my second… was to go and kick that stupid bitch's arse.

Peter wasn't about to let me go and beat up his little sister no matter how much she deserved it.

He ended up stopping me from leaving and as much as I tried to tempt him out of the way, I failed.

That kiss was pretty damn special though. I almost forgot all about Tracy when we were lip to lip and when I finally did remember about her, Peter had already caught on to what I was doing.

I know I keep saying it but he knows me way too well.

Roy came out of his bedroom shortly after my master plan to leave had been foiled and said that he didn't think it was a good idea for me to go and give Tracy a smack either.

There is just something inside of me that wants to do exactly what Roy says.

I don't know why but I feel like I just have to listen to him, he's such a lovely and kind man and if I'm honest his advice has never steered me wrong yet.

He was so calm when he found out it was Tracy who was responsible for the fire,

How does he do that? How does he keep him self so composed in such a situation?

I wish I could be more like him I really do but I'm just wired a hell of a lot differently than he is.

I guess it's true… opposites do attract and that's probably why we've been able to stay such good friends.

He asked Peter if he's going to inform the police and Peter nodded but I'm not so sure if that's a good idea.

I've been awake for a long time, thinking a lot about Amy, well everything really and the one thing that I keep coming back to is that she really doesn't deserve any of this.

She's just a kid.

Her mother has already been to prison once before and it's not fair on her if I send Tracy back there.

I don't think the police would arrest Tracy anyway… It'll be her word against mine and I'm not sure I have it in me to go through loads of police questioning again.

I've had enough courtroom dramas to save me a lifetime.

I still don't understand what the hell Tracy was doing in my flat but I'm not going to dwell on it for too long… I guess I have to start trying to move forward... but how do you move forward after being stuck still for so long?

Maybe I should just focus on the here and now.

That sounds like a plan.

So right now... right now I'm laying on Roy's sofa in Peter's arms and I have to say I have no intention of moving from here anytime soon.

Right now I feel so safe and so protected.

It's a odd feeling because recently I have felt so frightened and so scared that I was destined to be alone, that I honestly thought I would never feel safe again.

I thought that my life was well and truly over this time last week and now… well now I feel like it's finally going to get back on track.

We didn't notice Roy creeping back into his bedroom last night but I'm guessing it was because he kind of felt like a third wheel.

Peter did his usual thing of calming me right down and we talked a little bit more about things, he reckons that he's going to go round and make sure that everyone knows what Tracy did but we'll just see about that.

I don't think his Dad is gonna take too kindly to that idea, Ken is a good honourable man but people do change when it comes to their children.

After being sat together on the sofa… well it didn't take long for Peter and me to get more than a little bit comfortable with each other.

I kissed him first, I'll admit that but he was the one who put his hands in my hair and pulled me towards him.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up sat on his lap with my shirt undone and my inhibitions out the window.

We kissed passionately for a while but the thought that Roy Cropper was fast asleep only a few metres away was definitely in the back of both of our minds.

"Hmm I don't think the landlord would approve of this type of behaviour on his sofa." Peter breathed, clinging onto my hips like he was never going to let me go.

"Oh he definitely wouldn't approve of this." I said looking down and my rather exposed chest with a grin.

We could have gone into my bedroom I suppose but I think we both know that maybe we need to take things slow.

We are not back together by any means but then again… I don't want him to be anywhere but here… with me.

I lay still in Peter's arms for ages and eventually I get up because I need a wee and when I come back I see Peter, up, awake stretching and yawning.

"Morning…" I smile stupidly, sitting back down on the sofa next to him and resisting the urge to give him another kiss.

As I said we are not back together but there is a huge part of me who wants to shower him with hundreds of kisses.

"Morning." Peter says putting his arms back down and giving me a lazy smile. "Sleep well?"

I nod because I really did sleep well.

"Wow… that's the second night in a row." Peter says with a smirk,

"I know right, I better be careful, this might turn into a habit." I say, running a hand through my hair. Peter watches me for a moment and then his face goes all serious and he has like look which says that he means business. "What?"

"I meant what I said last night… I want everyone to know that it wasn't you."

"I know you do it's just… I'm not sure." I begin and then Peter stands up.

"Carla… the truth has to come out. Those families deserve to know that it was Tracy responsible for their deaths." He says and I know that he is right but I still shake my head.

"I know that Peter but…"

"But what?" Peter asks, head on one side ready to tear down what ever I say next.

"Well at least with me I had no family to be affected by any of this." I say, Peter looks confused and says,

"What d'ya mean?"

"I mean it was just me… Tracy, she has your Dad and Amy and I just keep thinking how this is all going to affect them." I say, wondering how Ken feels now he's had a long time to think about what happened, He's probably devastated to think his daughter could be responsible for such a thing.

I know I would be and he's been through so much already bless him.

"Maybe we should just keep this all to ourselves, I mean I know it wasn't me now, that's what's important."

Peter sits back down next to me and kisses me on the forehead as he does so.

God, I really miss the little things like that. Those quick and absentminded displays of affection mean so damn much to me, they always have done, I wonder if he knows just how much I need him here, I hope he does.

"Y'see that's the difference between you and Tracy, Carla. You are sat ere thinking about every single other person on this street rather than yourself and you are putting their needs before yours." Peter starts, looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes and making me feel like I'm melting on the inside. "D'ya think for one second that Tracy even thought about you or anyone else but herself for that matter?"

Probably not… but she is still his sister so I say,

"I don't know Peter… maybe she did."

"Ha." Peter laughs dryly, "Carla you n me both know that she didn't because if she had done. If she had of truly thought about what she had done to you there is no way she would have been able to sleep as soundly as she has been."

"I'm… I'm just not sure I want the whole street knowing about this yet Peter, whilst I now it weren't my fault it's all still really raw, the thoughts ave gone through my mind these past few weeks Peter…" I stop and take a deep breath, to keep myself from crying. "I really scared myself sometimes… I nearly did things that I can't comprehend right now and I need some time to try and get past all of that."

Peter nods at me slowly and then gives me a cute little smile.

"Okay." He says, "I won't go around telling the whole street but they need to know about it someday."

"I know… just not now eh." I say.

I know Peter probably thinks I'm owed about a million apologies but I hate all that kind of thing, I can't stand that kind of attention and he knows it.

Roy comes out of his bedroom dressed in his usually grey cardie and trousers combo and I know that he is still finding it awkward to see Peter pottering about his place.

"Good morning." Roy says to both of us with a nod.

"Good morning Roy." Peter says with a polite smile, he gets up of the sofa and then says to him, "I just want to say thank you for letting me in last night and letting me stay ere."

"You are very welcome." Roy says putting on his kettle, "Might I interest you both in a cup of tea or coffee?"

"Yes please." I say getting up off the sofa to join Peter.

"D'ya want me to make it? It must get pretty boring having to make tea's n coffee's all the time." Peter says, walking right into Roy's kitchen and offering to help.

"He'll never let you." I say with a smug smirk because I know there is no way that Roy is going to allow any guest in his house make their own hot drink.

"No thank you Peter, go and take a seat at the table with Carla and I'll bring them over." He says. "Do you still like a black coffee?"

"Yes." Peter nods and then he does as he is told and goes to sit down at Roy's dining room table. I go and sit next to him and we grin stupidly at each for a moment until Roy then says,

"I hate to bring this up but does Ken know about... Tracy?"

"Yes." Peter says, "He was there… he heard it all."

"How awful for him… he's been through so much already." Roy says as he pours boiling water into the mugs that he had set out. Peter looks at me and then back at Roy, I think he's going to say something as his mouth opens but then it closes and he obviously changes his mind.

"That's what I was thinking." I say as Roy adds milk to the cups. "Which is why I was thinking that maybe… we shouldn't call the police." Roy stops pouring the milk and then actually turns his body towards me.

"Carla whilst your intentions are extremely noble I really do think that Tracy needs to get her comeuppance this time." He says, Peter nods along with him, he's the one looking smug this time, which makes me roll my eyes.

"That's what I was thinking." He grins at me.

"Yeah well no one asked you what you were thinking." I say giving him a soft kick underneath the table.

"Ow!" Peter cries ridiculously even though I know I didn't hurt him. He just wants Roy's attention.

It's almost as if he is sucking up to Roy as he brings over our hot drinks because he gives him a huge and grateful smile and says, "Thank you very much."

"Yeah ta Roy." I say smiling at him too. Roy sits down opposite Peter and me and there's a tiny little awkward silence as we sip our hot drunks.

They are way too hot for us to start drinking properly of course so I try to make some small talk by saying,

"So… what ave you two got planned for today then?"

Roy and Peter both shake their heads at each other and then look at me.

"Seriously?" Peter says, "You're asking us what _we're_ going to do today?"

"Well yes that is what I just asked?" I say but Roy shakes his head again and says,

"Carla I realise you don't want all the attention but it is not fair for you to carry this burden around anymore."

"Roy's right." Peter nods as the house phone starts ringing. Roy gets up and goes to answer it as I give Peter another kick.

"Oi… stop kicking me." He chuckles.

"I will when you stop kissing Roy's arse." I say almost laughing myself.

"I am not kissing his arse, you're just annoyed because we both agree with each other that's all." Peter replies, leaning forward and wrapping his hands around his coffee mug.

"Yeah..." I say sarcastically, "You two are a right pair…"

"I think you're jealous." Peter whispers as Roy comes back to the table. I roll my eyes again at Peter but I'm more intrigued to hear who was on the phone so I say,

"Who was that Roy?"

"Oh it was just Kathy." He replies a little awkwardly because Peter is sat opposite him of course and he doesn't know that I've kind of told Peter about Kathy.

"Really? That were quick?" I frown, "You could have spoke to her for a bit longer than twenty seconds Roy."

"Yes well I told her that I needed to talk to you about something that was very important." Roy says.

"Oh Roy." I say. I hate how he is putting me before a potential new friend.

"It's fine, she said she understood and I shall call her later." Roy says. "Now where were we?"

"We were talking about Tracy finally getting what she deserves?" Peter says, taking a proper sip of his coffee.

"Oh yes." Roy says.

"Look I know where you two are coming from I really do but I really don't want any fuss." I begin but Peter is watching me and so is Roy.

"Is it because you don't think people are going to believe you?" Peter asks.

"No." I say although he is partly correct, "I've just decided not to go and have it out with Tracy. There's no point." Peter is still watching me in disbelief as I speak and as I take a sip of my own coffee he looks at Roy and says,

"She's worried about Amy."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not ere Peter." I say, getting slightly annoyed now.

"Amy has been through a lot… but so have you Carla." Roy says.

I hate how he and Peter have become such buddies.

I know that they mean well but I almost feel like they are ganging up on me a little.

"Yes well Amy is an eleven year old and I am a forty year old." I say because it's true. Amy is a good kid who has her whole life in front of her, she doesn't deserve to have the whole street bad mouthing her mother, not matter how much of an evil person Tracy may be.

"So what? Because you're an adult that means you should just take all of the blame on your self." Peter asks and I can tell that he is starting to get a little annoyed with me too.

"Well I've lived with it so far avent I?" I sigh.

"Yeah well maybe you've had it for so long that you just don't care anymore." Peter says, his voice raised, his fist hitting the table as he gets up from his chair and I feel myself start to panic in case he walks out on me.

He must have seen a look of terror in my eyes because his face softens and he says,

"I'm sorry… I'm gonna go for a smoke and try to calm down okay?"

"Okay." I say taking a deep breath. He gives Roy an apologetic look as he goes into his jacket pocket and pulls out his cigarettes.

Roy waits for him to leave before he says,

"He's right." I give Roy a sideways look and then sigh.

"God what is it with you two eh? I mean you're like two peas in a pod this morning… who'd ave though you n Peter would ave so much in common."

Roy is more than used to my surliness by now and just picks up his mug. He takes a sip and then says,

"Actually me and Peter do have something in common."

"And what's that?" I ask because I can't wait to hear what it is.

"Well… we both care very deeply for you." He says.

Oh…

Okay so I'm feeling rather embarrassed now.

Roy knows it and doesn't say anything else to me at first. We both sip our coffee companionably until he says,

"So what are you going to do?"

"I dunno…" I say, "I mean I was planning and going to give Tracy a good smack in the face but now…"

"So you're not going to do anything? After all she has done." Roy asks, "You're just going to let her go about her day like nothing is wrong?"

"Hold on a minute Roy… last night you were the one saying how you didn't think me going to see her was a good idea and now you're saying I should charge round there, all guns blazing?" I begin because Roy really did seem like he didn't want me going to see her.

"I'm not suggesting that, you know I don't condone violence Carla… you were just very angry last night." Roy says.

"Well I'm still angry now Roy, make no mistake." I say drinking some more of my coffee. "I'm just beginning to see that after everything… having it out with Tracy is not going to make the slightest bit of difference to my life."

Roy is silent for a moment.

Roy is silent for longer than a moment.

In the end I put my mug and say,

"Roy? What are you thinking about?"

"Tracy Barlow is a rotten human being." he says very stiffly.

"I know she is." I say because that's a given but Roy isn't done yet. He is almost in a trance as he speaks, I can almost see his mind going a thousand miles a minute.

"She just goes around, continuing to wreck peoples lives and if you don't do anything, if you don't say anything than she is going to think that she has won."

"But Roy…" I begin but he still isn't done.

"No Carla. She cannot get away with this… not this time. Even if you don't call the police, she needs to know that what she has done is unthinkable and that the people around here aren't going to stand for it anymore."

"Roy I just don't think I have it in me to go through all of that though."

Roy suddenly looks disappointed at me. Like I've let him down in some way.

"What?" I say because the way he is looking at me is rather upsetting.

"You know she said some truly horrible things to Hayley in the past." He says and for the first time ever I honestly feel like I want to punch him in the face.

I want to hit him because he's gone and brought out the big guns and mentioned Hayley.

Is he trying to make me feel bad for not going to see Tracy?

No he wouldn't do that, he doesn't have a malicious bone in his body but I also still can't understand why he would all of a sudden bring Hayley into this.

Tears prick my eyes as I go to speak but I'm interrupted.

"Now I'm not mentioning Hayley because I am trying to emotionally blackmail you. I am mentioning her because I want you to know that even my Hayley had her limits and during her last days on this earth she gave Tracy a piece of her mind."

"Really?" I say because this is the first I've heard about it.

"Yes. Tracy was being her usual berating self and said some very mean things about Hayley's hair."

I feel myself getting angry now. Even though it was so long ago and Hayley is now at peace I still get infuriated when I hear about anyone being unkind to her.

"Are you trying to get me more angry at her or summat?" I say, shaking my head in confusion.

"No." Roy says calmly, not even a little bit upset that I have gotten him wrong. "The point that I'm making is that even in her weakest of days, her very last days, Hayley was able to give Tracy some home truths and I am sorry Carla but I refuse to sit here and believe that you aren't strong enough to do the same."

Wow.

He's right.

As I said before, Roy Cropper has never steered me wrong.

I am strong enough to go and speak to her.

I have to go and speak to her… and even though Roy doesn't condone violence I might give her a good smacking after all.

For old times sake.

For Hayley's sake.


	14. The Kerb

As we talk some more, Roy's phone rings again.

I let him go and answer it as I get up, go over to a mirror and look into it, to check on my hair.

It doesn't look too bad considering I spent the night on the sofa with my head on Peter's chest.

I smile at the memory of it and go into my bedroom whilst Roy speaks on the phone.

I've truly taken in everything that he has said to me and I decided that I'm going to find Tracy Barlow today and see what she has to say for herself.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to say to her though…

I still don't know how I'm even going to face her but Roy is right.

If Hayley managed to stick up for herself in her dying days, then I can sure as hell do the same.

The old me wouldn't have hesitated to go and give her a right piece of my mind and that's what I have to do...

Become the old me again.

I get changed into a pair of black jeans and a black top and I just can't help but chuck Peter's shirt back on with it.

I leave it open though and spritz myself with some perfume before going into the bathroom and brushing my teeth.

I do this all very quickly because I want to get out whilst I still have the nerve to, I'm slightly worried that if I wait for too long that I'll decide against it and I just have to get myself some answers.

I come out of the bathroom to see Roy still on the phone, he looks at me as it's clear I'm going some where.

"Are you going out?" he says, covering the receiver so that who ever he is talking to cannot hear what he has just said.

"Yes." I nod and I go over and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry I'll be on me best behaviour." I say before waving goodbye and leaving his flat.

I go outside to find Peter sat on the kerb with a cigarette hanging out of one corner of his mouth.

He looks up at me and gives me half of that gorgeous smile of his as I sit down next to him.

"You feeling a little calmer now?" I ask and he nods at me as he pulls the fag out of his mouth.

"Yeah sorry about that…" he says, blowing smoke out of his parted lips, "I know I got a little... over the top just then, I just can't stand the thought of the people round here thinking that you are capable for that fire."

"I know…" I say with a nod. "N I know that you probably think that I'm crazy and that I'd want the whole world to know what really happened but this whole thing… this is harder than I thought it would be."

I had thought up so many scenarios in my head where I found out that I wasn't responsible for the fire and each time that I found out, I honestly thought it would be different to this.

I thought I would feel so much lighter and that everyone would be surrounding me with huge apologies and be begging me for forgiveness.

I thought that was what I wanted but now I think about it... I really don't want anything from anyone.

I don't want people's apologies and their regretful looks.

I just want to move on with my life.

"I'm fed up of people talking about me..." I say, "I'm fed up of the gossiping and the _Poor Carla's_ … I just want to be normal." I say as Peter flicks cigarette ash onto the ground. He then turns to look at me and pulls a rather disapproving face. "What you don't think I can do normal?" I ask, slightly offended at his current expression.

"No it's not that…" Peter says with a chuckle as I playfully shove him.

"What is it then?" I ask, staring at him and waiting for an acceptable answer.

"Well it's just you… Carla you're probably the furthest thing from normal."

What?

I'm actually gonna hit this guy in a second… I mean where on earth is he going with this?

I'm trying to get on with my life and here he is telling me that I'm not normal… What is that about?

He obviously sees my face because then he chuckles again and says,

"What I mean is that I would never use the word normal to describe you, normal is average, normal is… ordinary and you my dear… are not ordinary." I give him a few more seconds to continue because the way that he is looking at me is quite sweet.

More than quite sweet actually… it's making me melt.

"You're incredible Carla… you're beautiful inside and out and it almost kills me when I hear people bad mouthing you… but if you really want to keep it quiet then I will… I will because I'd do anything for you."

I try my hardest not to smile foolishly at what Peter just said and just link my arm into his.

We sit in silence as he finishes his cigarette, as he flicks the butt onto the ground and turns to look at me, I say,

"You know... you're not bad your self y'know."

"Oh I know…" Peter grins, his head close to mine, I don't even realise how close until our lips touch and I feel his fingers gently stroke my cheek as we kiss.

I don't know what it quite is about us but we seriously cannot seem to stop kissing.

Last night we spent what felt like hours kissing and here we are doing it again.

It's as if we are both attached to magnets, which only attract each other.

It doesn't occur to me or Peter for that matter, that we are sat in the middle of Victoria Street until we hear a very loud and very Michelle-like,

"Morning!"

Peter and me both giggle like two school kids who have been caught behind the bike sheds.

I pull away from him and open my eyes to see Michelle stood across the street with her arms folded, eyebrows raised and with a huge grin on her face.

"Hi Chelle." I say shaking my head because even though she is my best mate, I am still embarrassed. Peter nods at her in the same way and chuckles as she makes her way over to us and says,

"Oh don't let me interrupt."

"You're not…" I say although she is. She looks at me and then at Peter, obviously feeling pretty smug about the fact that it's partly down to her that he is here.

"Spend the night again did ya Peter?" She says, still grinning from ear to ear.

"Not intentionally." Peter replies, watching me now wondering if I'm going to tell Michelle about what I found out last night.

I will tell her... I plan on telling her... just not now.

If I tell her now she'll kick off big time, probably more than Peter has done. She'll do her best mate/sister in law duties and march right round to Tracy's and I need to speak to her first.

I need to explain the reasons why I do not want the entire world knowing what Tracy did yet and it's been hard enough trying to do that with Peter.

"Nice shirt…" Michelle then says, smirking and clearly remembering what I told her about Peter's stolen T-Shirt.

"What you up to later?" I ask her, planning to tell her all about last night in great detail later.

"Not much… why?"

"I might pop over… I ave something I need to tell ya." I say and Michelle then grins again. She looks between Peter and me and obviously thinks that what I want to speak to her about is going to be about him and me.

"Oh yeah…" She says excitedly.

"Trust me Chelle… it's not what you think." I say because she literally has no idea and I feel as if I need to prepare her for it.

"Okay… if you say so." Michelle nods, although she doesn't look too convinced. "I'll let you two get back to… y'know." She says waving her hand in front of our faces before walking off.

"She honestly has no idea…" I say as she walks in the direction of The Rover's, sure that she has stumbled on Peter and me being back together. "No one does… they are going to be so… shocked."

"They are and they'll probably be angry… confused too when they find out…" Peter begins, I bite my lip imagining the fall out when this goes public as Peter continues to watch me. "Carla… No matter how we do this… Whether they find out today or tomorrow… I want you to remember that none of this is your fault. I also want you to know that I'm ere for you… no matter what... I'll be by your side throughout all of this."

I nod gratefully and kiss Peter again.

I told you I just can't help it.

He can't help himself either and as he deliciously kisses me back, there's a sudden wolf whistle and we're interrupted again.

It's so flaming annoying but I guess its what we guess for kissing in public like this.

"Ignore em…" Peter says, holding my head close to his. I almost listen to him but then we both hear…

"Hi Dad! Hi Carla!"

We pull away from each other to see a grinning Simon and a not so grinning Leanne standing opposite us. They are obviously off out somewhere and have come across Peter and me.

"Hi son." Peter calls across the road. Simon nods at us almost approvingly it seems, as Leanne takes him by the shoulders and directs him to continue walking. She scowls as they walk away which makes me sigh a little and brings me back down to earth.

I guess wouldn't mind Leanne finding out the fire wasn't me right now… I can put up with a lot of crap but her thinking that I'm responsible for her losing another man is something I just cannot do anymore.

The Nazir's and Sophie need to know too as well I guess, although they would definitely hear about it if I told Leanne, that woman has trouble keeping her mouth shut at the best of times and if she were to hear that it was Tracy who practically killed her fiancé, then there is no way that she would keep it quiet.

"What are you thinking about?" Peter asks, as it's probably obvious that I'm lost in a daydream.

"I'm thinking that it's about time that I find that delightful sister of yours." I say.

"Really?" Peter asks, surprised.

"Yes… No matter what happens with everyone else round ere, I ave to let her know that she hasn't got away with this. Are ya coming?" I ask because if I'm honest I don't want to go on me own… I need him there for moral support… and to hold me back in case I get a little too violent.

"What… you're going now?" Peter says, looking disappointed.

"Well there is no time like the present eh?" I say but I can tell that Peter is still slightly hesitant about what is going to happen next. "What?"

"Nothing…" He says and then he smirks, "I were just enjoying our little moment just then." He licks his lips and smiles this totally irresistible smile, one that it looks as if he is sure it's going to get me to kiss him again.

Normally I would… god knows I really want to stay cooped up on the kerb outside Roy's with him, kissing him and being in his arms… pretending like nothing has happened but I can't...

I have to get my life sorted, I have to start as I mean to go on and let Tracy Barlow know that what she has done hasn't beaten me.

I stand up and then drag Peter up too. He tries his hardest not to get up but he has obviously underestimated how physically strong I am.

"Blimey…" He says, almost staggering to his feet as I yank him upright. "You almost pulled me arm right out of its socket." He says… rather over dramatically I might add. "What d'ya do? over do it at the gym whilst I was gone or something?"

"Ohhh no… just stocked up on a whole load of spinach like Popeye?" I say, flexing my muscles in a showy fashion.

"Actually it's actually common misconception that spinach makes the body stronger." Peter says,

"Eh?" I reply because this is the first that I've heard.

"Seriously… the author of Popeye made a mistake and wrote the amount of iron that is in spinach down wrong… hence the fact that we all think that it makes us stronger." Peter says smugly, like a right geek.

"Wow…" I say dryly, He grins at me and gives me a playful poke as I laugh at him. "Honestly… you're turning into your Dad with these historic little anecdotes."

"Well where did ya think I got it from?" Peter said as we cross the road, "Anyways with muscles like that make sure you don't hit me sister too hard eh?"

"I'm not gonna hit her Peter." I say shaking my head as we get to the other side of the road.

"Really?" he asks, slightly shocked at what I have just said,

"But that's only cause I promised Roy that I'd be on me best behaviour." I grin although I'm not one hundred per cent sure that I'm going to be able to keep my cool, but I can at least try right?

I don't actually now what's going to happen if Ken's there. I really don't want to upset him… or Amy for that matter.

God I hope they aren't in.

At first I felt brave about this and ready for what was coming and now? Well now I'm feeling nervous.

I'm not sure I want to talk to Tracy after all.

Not because I'm scared of her or because I don't want her to know that I know what she did… but because I'm not sure I want to go through all the details of the fire again.

It's all still so raw and as we get closer to Number one, Peter senses that something is wrong and takes hold of my hand.

I look down at it and then squeeze it tight, thankful to have his fingers entwined with mine.

"Take your time… I mean you don't have to do this today." Peter says.

He is being so supportive right now and I honestly don't know what I would have done without him these past few days.

"Yes I do." I say with a nod. Peter nods back at me and then knocks on the door to his Dad's house.

I take a deep breath as the door answers, it's Ken and when he sees me his face says it all.

He somehow looks surprised to see me and shocked all at the same time.

"Carla…" He says but he doesn't finish. It's like he just doesn't know what to say to me.

"Hi Ken…" I say as casually as I can given the situation.

"Is Tracy home?" Peter asks as his Dad lets us in.

"No she's popped to the shop." Ken says but I'm not entirely sure if I believe him.

"How convenient." Peter says as we walk down the hallway, I wonder if she's hiding upstairs maybe, as we pass Amy's bedroom, which is downstairs.

"It doesn't matter… we'll wait." I say loudly, just in case Tracy is here so that she can hear it, deciding that since we are here that I need to get this done.

I need to talk to Tracy for my sake as well as Hayley's sake.

"Look Carla I realise that there are many… many things that you wish to say to Tracy…" Ken begins but Peter shakes his head at his Dad and says,

"Dad don't you dare try n talk her out of this…"

"I wasn't." Ken says, "I was just saying that I understand why Carla is here."

"Good." Peter nods. I give him a nudge and a look that says _shut up_ as he sits down at the table.

"Where's Amy?" I ask, gazing around at the quiet house that we are in, it's clear that Ken really is alone as their are no noises other than the sounds of our voices.

"I sent her over to her Dad's… I though it would be for the best." Ken says fiddling about with pen and obviously still finding it hard to know what to say.

I don't blame him really… how do you react when you find out that your child is capable of murder.

"Please sit down." Ken eventually says, pointing at the chair next to Peter.

There was a long an awkward silence for a moment, one where Ken pretended to look at the Sunday paper and where Peter just looks at me.

I'm staring down at my hands but I can always tell when Peter is watching me.

It's like I can feel his gaze staring right into me as he sits only a few inches away.

"What time did Tracy leave?" he says after a few more minutes, Ken shrugs and looks down at his watch,

"I'm not sure… but it wasn't long ago." He says.

"You sure that she went to the shop Dad?" Peter asks suspiciously.

"Yes." Ken says, not even bothering to entertain his son's obviously sceptical view on the situation.

When I look at Ken properly, I see that he looks shattered, he genuinely looks as if he hasn't slept a wink and all if does is remind me that this situation is not just about me and Tracy.

It's about everyone… the entire street in fact.

The fire has affected everyone around here in one way or another and when the news gets out about Tracy, people are going to go ballistic.

I mean look how they treated me, I can't imagine what it's going to be like when they found out Tracy is to blame.

I can't imagine what life is going to like for Ken and Amy.

"Put the kettle on Peter." I say in an effort to stop an argument from starting as Peter tuts at his father. "Go on… I'm gasping ere." Peter raises an eyebrow at my bossiness but gets up and goes to the kitchen anyway.

He said earlier that he'd do anything for me and even though I've only asked him to make a brew… I'm starting to believe that he probably would.

I still have no idea where me and him are right now, I still have so much that I need to say to him but all I know is that as long as he is here…

I can do anything and I can face anything.


	15. Sirens

I'm sat here in my Dad's house waiting for Tracy to come home and I really don't know what's going to happen.

Carla seems calm enough, She's sat drinking coffee like this is a normal Sunday visit but I know that when she finally sees Tracy again she's going to be different.

I won't lie, I'd normally be expecting her to lash right out at Tracy but given everything that she has been through over the past few weeks, I think that she'll handle things a little more calmly.

I hope so anyway.

I also hope that Tracy doesn't try and wriggle out of this and rile Carla up even more.

She's making conversation with my Dad when the door opens and Tracy comes trudging inside. She walks into the living room with a carrier bag in hand and she stops dead in her tracks when she sees Carla sat at the dining room table.

"What's she doing ere?" She asks. She pretends like she's not scared but I know my little sister and she is utterly petrified.

Carla puts her cup of coffee down onto the table whilst my Dad looks rather worried about what is going to happen next.

Carla then watches Tracy for a moment and then says a very tranquil yet very sarcastic,

"Oh come on Tracy… you broke into my flat and started a fire… you could at least call me Carla."

If this were any other situation I'd smirk, I'd smirk because the look on Carla's face right now is weirdly hilarious but this is no time to be laughing. This is probably a time for me to be deadly serious, so I hold in my grin as Tracy is still stood motionless in the doorway.

"Look… I didn't mean to start the fire… I honestly don't know what I was doing…" She begins almost breathlessly.

"Well neither do I so that makes two of us." Carla replies, her face is still deadpan her tone is still laced with so must sassyness.

"I took some keys from Michelle... I didn't know what I wanted to do to you but I... lit the candle to figure it out and... then I saw this picture of Rob… I just freaked out n left, it was an accident." Tracy cries.

I'm so glad that she doesn't try to lie her way out of this, I'm glad that she'd being truthful about what she has done because I had visions of her denying it all.

Carla nods, gets up off her chair and then walks towards Tracy.

"Okay…" She says, still in this eerie state of calmness, one that is making us all slightly nervous. "Let's say the fire were an accident…lets say you really didn't mean any harm... you letting me take all the blame wasn't an accident was it? That was on purpose. You let everyone think that it was my fault… that was not an accident." Carla said, she's not so calm anymore, she's shaking slightly, her voice is also shaky too.

Tracy didn't say anything at first, she just shrugged, still holding her carrier bag and probably wondering if she should make a run for it.

"Tracy you better say something or so help me…" Carla snaps, after a few more moments of her silence. "Speak!" She cries, I get up as Tracy flinches and as Carla almost lunges towards her.

"Tracy…" I say, taking hold of Carla's hand and pulling her back towards her chair.

"Let go of me!" Carla exclaims but she lets me continue to pull her all the same. She sits back down on the chair but I know her temper is now short and that she can fly off the handle at any given minute.

My Dad is still quiet but he is looking at Tracy in a way, which I know that she cannot stand.

He is so ashamed, disappointed and totally scared of what is to come… I think we all are.

Tracy takes a deep breath and then walks into the living room properly.

She puts the little blue carrier bag down on the table and sits next to my Dad, in the hope he will give her some support I guess.

He doesn't say anything but he gives her an encouraging nod and then says,

"Tracy I understand that this is hard for you..."

"For her?" Carla scoffs, interrupting my Dad and shaking her head.

"You have a lot of explaining to do Tracy…" My Dad then adds, almost ignoring Carla's outburst.

"I know…" She says, breathing out and then finally looking at Carla again.

"So go on then… why d'ya do it?" Carla asks, staring Tracy down and waiting for a response.

Tracy sighs heavily as she rubs her forehead. She needs to hurry up and speak before Carla ends up losing it again.

"You got in the way of me getting The Rover's." Tracy says, Carla looks confused for a moment, I'm confused too because I have no idea what Tracy is talking about. "Me and Tony had it all planned out, it was all sorted and then you had to come along and ruin it, didn't ya."

"So you're telling me you started a fire in me flat n killed two people because you wanted a pub?" Carla says, fists clenched as if she is trying really hard to stay calm. "Tracy you do realise that you sound like a total head case right now?"

"I told you the fire was an accident!" Tracy replies quickly.

"Even so… you let me think that I was a murder because I stopped you getting hold of me best mates pub… which by the way I had no idea you wanted in the flamin first place." Carla says, her voice becoming more and more irate as she speaks.

"Oh it's not just about the pub, this is because you had everything and I had nothing… you always ave everything and I always end up with nothing."

Tracy sounds so spoilt right now it's ridiculous, this sounds like something a little kid would say not a fully grown adult. My Dad shakes his head at her and puts his head in his hands but Carla doesn't take her eyes off her.

"I had everything?" She says, "Me… Carla Connor the woman who lost her husband, her baby and her best friend all in the space of a year… _I_ had everything?"

I feel guilty when I heard her say all that. I know she doesn't mean for me to feel this way but I do.

I still responsible for the loss of our baby, it still haunts me day and night and I cannot help but think that If I hadn't of been so selfish things could have been so bloody different right now.

"Oh ere we go… lets get out the violins for poor Carla… you just love playing the victim don't ya?" Tracy says.

"I am not playing the victim ere, I am just trying to make you realise how insane you sound right now Tracy." Says Carla still staring at her in shock.

I'm starting to think that this conversation isn't going to help in the slightest.

Tracy is way too stubborn to say sorry and Carla is way too angry to let this be... So I can't help but wonder how on earth is this going to end?

"You know what Carla… you might ave lost a lot but your life isn't so bad." Tracy says and Carla looks irate.

Angry, infuriated and as if she might get up and hit Tracy.

"Y'know other than the fact that I am married to your brother you know absolutely nothing about my life Tracy and don't pretend otherwise." Carla shouts.

"Well why don't you enlighten me then? I mean what can be so bad about being Carla Connor eh? Oh and don't play the I'm married to your brother card either because lets not pretend that you haven't changed your name back to Connor."

There is a deafening silence.

This is complete and utter news to me but I pretend like I don't care.

I pretend like Carla going and changing her name at some point hasn't made me feel like I'm wounded.

I have to get past this gutting feeling because this situation isn't about me, I can't sit here and let my hurt show because I have to be strong for Carla.

Besides I don't actually blame her for wanting to rid of my name, I mean after everything I did I'm just lucky that she didn't file for divorce.

Carla is looking at me.

I know she is, I can feel her gaze as I'm looking down at my hands and I don't have the strength to look up at her right now. I keep quiet so Carla returns her stare to Tracy and says,

"Me changing my name is neither ere or there Tracy. You still haven't come out with a single reason you think that it was acceptable to make me feel as if I was responsible for that fire."

"I told you! You had everything… and the crazy thing is you still do, you have a successful business, people like you, people respect you, you have your own flat."

"Had! I had me own flat… you went n burnt the flaming thing down!" Carla cried, shaking her head at Tracy in disbelief.

"Yeah well that'll be ready in no time and you'll be back in there before you know it. I wanted you to feel like me for once... I wanted you to feel like you ave nothing... because what ave I got eh?" Tracy says, tears pouring down her cheeks. "No money, no boyfriend, no real friends."

"You ave the best bloody thing of all!" Carla shouts, slamming her fist down and standing up. "You have a daughter Tracy. A little girl who innocent enough and naive enough to worship the ground you walk on and the only reason you are sitting ere instead of in a police station is because of her!" Carla's voice cracks and then walks out of the living room.

I quickly follow her into the back yard, where she takes a deep breath and shakes her head,

"Peter…" she begins, looking guilty and almost ashamed. "The whole name change thing…"

"Don't." I interrupt, "You don't need to explain."

"I do, I really do." Carla nods, "I thought that changing my name back to Connor... I thought it would maybe change my feelings. I thought that if I wasn't a Barlow any more that I could maybe feel the same way I did before I fell in love with you and for a while I thought it worked y'know… for a while I fooled myself into thinking that I was over you but…" Carla looks at me sincerely and she looks as if she might cry. "I'm not Peter... of course I'm not."

"Well good…" I say awkwardly, "Because I sure as hell aint over you either."

There's a small silence between us but then Carla obliviously remembers why she is here.

"I can't do this Peter…" She says, "I can't sit in room with that woman… she is crazy and it's not doing me any good… I don't feel any better, nothing she can say to me can make me feel any better."

"We can go back to Roy's anytime you want Carla." I say softly, Carla nods at me slowly and then moves closer to me. She rests her head on my chest and takes in another deep breath.

"She hasn't even said sorry… can you believe that? I mean the woman hasn't even said that she is sorry for killing two people. I don't want her to say sorry to me… just them… to Kal and Maddie… She needs to say it… Peter she has to say it." Carla says her voice becoming strong again as she stands upright and then goes storming back inside.

I follow her again and she stops right in front of Tracy.

"How did you sleep at night?" She asks,

"What?" Tracy sighs, infuriatingly. In a way that makes my Dad shake his head again, with wide eyes, unable to believe the way his daughter is carrying on.

"I said! How on earth did you sleep at night knowing what you did?" Carla says loudly. She looks angry again and is stood right in front of Tracy's chair. "Do you honestly ave no conscience at all Tracy Barlow!"

"I do ave a conscience!" Tracy cries, "I feel awful about Kal and Maddie I really do."

"No you don't. You cannot feel awful because you ave been swanning around ere like you always do and I ave been living in hell for weeks and weeks. You stood in that café and you put all the blame on me. You went around telling everyone that I almost killed your little girl and you still carried on as normal." Carla says, bending down and looking at Tracy in the eye before saying, "Tracy… a beautiful young girl and a loving Father died because of you. Their lives are over, their families' will never be the same again and yet you still managed to get up every morning with a smug spring in ya step. You still managed to look them in them in eye without wanting to slit your wrists just so that you didn't have to face em anymore… you didn't feel awful... you didn't feel like I did!"

"Stop it!" Tracy cries as Carla's situation is finally hitting home. She finally realises the extent of what she has done. Carla has tears pouring down her cheeks but she continues to speak, she continues to say,

"You didn't go to bed at night and hope that if you did manage to fall asleep, that you wouldn't wake up again, you didn't wish that it was you that had died and d'ya know why? because you don't know what a conscience is!"

"Get away from me." Tracy stammers, her eyes now brimming with tears of her own. She pushes Carla away from her and for a second I think that Carla is going to retaliate but she doesn't.

She stands up straight and shakes her head at Tracy, who still hasn't done the one thing Carla has wanted her to.

Apologize.

Carla doesn't back right away from Tracy yet, she's stood upright but she's still right in front of her. She breathes in and then out again, almost as if she is trying to calm herself down again before speaking.

My Dad looks at me helplessly and I shoot him a look, which says that I feel exactly the same.

Neither of us know what to say or do, we are just witnesses to this confrontation which has been a long time coming to be honest.

"You the one thing that gets me about all this?" Carla starts, calmly and slowly, Tracy breaths out as more tears splash onto her top.

"What?" Tracy asks weakly, it's almost as if she is at Carla's mercy now.

"You still haven't said sorry." Carla says, "You've sat there n thought up every excuse under the sun but the words _I'm sorry_ haven't come out of your lips." Tracy doesn't say anything to this. She just sits in front of Carla in silence for a moment and then she eventually says,

"I am sorry… I just aven't said it yet because… saying it makes it real. Saying it makes it all my fault and I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet." Carla exhales and walks away from her.

Like staying to close to Tracy will resolve in her hitting her.

Me and my Dad exchange looks as Carla paces back for a moment, deep in thought.

"You really are something aren't ya?" She then says, as she sits back down on her chair. "Tracy… even if you didn't say sorry… this fire was your fault… this fire was real and you ave a whole load of apologising to do."

Tracy nods at Carla.

Well and truly defeated it seems.

"I am no longer going to be your scape goat Tracy n you better flamin get used to it." says Carla and she gets up and goes into the kitchen.

She stays in there, taking a few deep breaths and so obviously trying to stay strong.

"This ends now." I say because Tracy doesn't act like she's got what's going to happen next. "You're going to apologise to The Nazir's… and Leanne. Then you're going to apologise to Sophie."

"But what if they call the police?" Tracy sobs and my Dad finally breaks his silence on the situation.

"Then so be it Tracy." He says bitterly.

"Dad... I really can't go back to prison." Tracy cries, looking at him desperately and shaking her head.

"Tracy those families have a right to know what happened to their loved ones and we have no power over what they choose to do with that information." Dad says, his eyes are red and I know the thought of Tracy going back inside is breaking his heart but I also know that he knows that she has to pay.

"What about Amy?" Tracy asks and she's looking at Carla now, who is still in the kitchen. "She's my baby."

Carla doesn't say anything as I turn to her. She just continues to stare ahead, she continues to try and act brave and like she's not finding all of his difficult.

"Amy will be fine... Her Dad is next door and I'm here." Dad says, putting his arm around Tracy and hugging her.

We sit in silence as Tracy sobs into my Dad's arms. She does look guilty I'll give her that but I still don't feel sorry for her.

There's a knock at the door and my Dad goes to get it, he then surprising returns with Amy in tow.

"Amy?" Tracy says, wiping her eyes and trying to act as if she hasn't been crying.

"Mum…" Amy says quietly, it's when I look at her that I realise she has been crying too.

"What love?" Tracy sniffs, putting on an extra brave face for Amy's sake.

"I want you to know that I still love you okay?" Amy says sorrowfully.

"I know you do." Tracy smiles at her, albeit slightly confused about what Amy is getting at.

"I'm sorry Mum." Amy cries and then she throws her arms around Tracy's neck and holds her tight. Tracy hugs Amy back looking more confused than ever whilst I turn to look at Carla in the kitchen ,who is stood biting down on her bottom lip. She's watching my Dad and Tracy and I know that she is also feeling guilty.

She's feeling terrible for bringing this to my Dad's doorstep.

She's feeling terrible for what this will all do to Amy.

Christ this woman has to stop feeling for everyone else and start putting herself first.

That sound of silence returns as Tracy and Amy embrace each other tightly.

I think about all the things that Amy has just said.

That she is sorry and that she still loves her Mum… It sounds as if… No it can't be… I'm probably just over thinking all of this.

The silence that we are all sat in is then interrupted by sirens. Sirens that are definitely near by.

They make Tracy jump and as we don't really live on a main road, I know that those sirens can only mean one thing.

There's a knock on the door and Tracy bolts upright as Dad gets up and goes to answer it.

He opens the door and there are two police officers stood on the door step. Tracy turns to me frantic and then to Carla who has come out of the kitchen.

"I thought you said you wouldn't call the police!" Tracy wails, as my Dad closes the door and the police walk down the hallway.

"I didn't call them." Carla says, and I can see that is truly stunned by what has just happened.

"Then who did!" Tracy cries and suddenly everything Amy has just said, makes sense.

It's clear by the look on her face…

Amy called the police.


	16. Apoligies

**_So sorry for the late update, Thursday night was a bit of a disaster for me._**

 ** _I will try my best to get Don't Let Go updated by tonight or tomorrow._**

 ** _Don't forget to let me know your thoughts..._**

* * *

Every thing that happens next... seems to happen incredibly fast.

Tracy's in handcuffs, Amy is crying in my Dad's arms and Carla is still in disbelief about the whole situation.

She's staring at Amy as my Dad strokes her on the head and as Tracy bursts into tears.

She didn't want this, Carla didn't want the police, Amy inconsolable, none of it and I know that she is going to find what happens after this, very difficult.

The police escort Tracy outside but of course there are already a whole load of people standing outside the pub and their houses because they've heard the sirens.

Sirens on a quiet and residential street only mean one thing... trouble.

Sally and Tim are stood nearby and so is the local busy body Norris Cole.

There are a few other people around, some who aren't so familiar to me but I reckon I know who two of them are, I reckon that boy and girl with the dark hair are Kal's kids.

They have no idea... no one does... yet anyway.

"Please… it was an accident." Tracy sobs as she steps outside the house, she looks at me, petrified and I know that her secret isn't going to stay a secret for long.

"What's she done?" Sally asks as everyone else stares down at Tracy's handcuffs and then at the police who give her the right to remain silent.

She doesn't remain silent though, she cries very loudly and draws a lot of attention to herself as she is put into the police car.

Carla comes out of my Dad's house, still looking totally stunned.

"I can't believe Amy called the police… She's eleven years old Peter, eleven." Carla says, still completely guilt ridden even though she did nothing wrong.

Michelle suddenly bursts out of The Rover's and walks right up to me and Carla, who has her eyes permanently fixed on Tracy.

"What's going on?" Michelle asks, staring as Tracy bawls in the back seat of the police car.

More and more people are stopping now, I swear it's like suddenly everyone seems to be about but it is a Sunday of course and no one is at work or school.

"Carla?" Michelle says, still waiting for an answer, so is everyone else for that matter and I notice that I'm getting a few looks from some people who obviously didn't know that I was back in town.

"Tracy's been… arrested." Carla says quietly. We all ignore the fact that she's stating the obvious as everyone can see that Tracy has been arrested because she is sat in the back of a police car in cuffs.

"What for?" Michelle asks as the police car begins to drive off. Carla bits down on her lip and shakes her head, I know she doesn't want to say it but she knows that word will eventually get around so she might as well.

"The fire." Carla says, her voice is hoarse as she speaks so I think Michelle thinks that she has misheard her.

"What?" Michelle asks, moving closer to Carla and then saying, "Did you just say that Tracy's been arrested for the fire?" She speaks louder than she intended to and some of the other people around us all gasp in shock.

"Yes." Carla says with deep breath, she's trying so hard to stay in control and maintain her strong persona but I know that a few more minutes in this crowd and she is going to crack.

"What? But it was an accident… wasn't it?" Michelle says, not understanding how on earth something like this could have happened any other way because well who would have thought that my sister could have actually been responsible for it, especially with Amy being there.

"No…" Carla says, "She… broke into my flat n… it was her… She lit a candle... Amy's called the police." Everyone's jaws practically drop and Carla is stood with all eyes on her. Michelle is utterly stunned by this news, as is everyone.

"Seriously?" Michelle says as she looks at me. It's like she and everyone else are just waiting for us to say that we are just joking and that this has all been some horrible misunderstanding but it's not... it's not. Carla is innocent and everyone needs to know it.

In the end I just nod my head at her, I'm too busy watching Carla to speak and she is too busy staring at the space where the police car just was.

"Oh my…" Michelle can't speak and neither can anyone else for a moment.

There's a long silence but Steve suddenly bursts out of the pub and breaks it.

"Did ya find out what's going on?" He asks Michelle but then he takes a look at everyone stood in shock.

"Yeah…" Michelle says, "Erm… Tracy's been arrested, Ken will explain but you better go in and see if Amy is alright." She points to my Dad's place where Amy can be heard softly crying. Steve quickly steps inside and it's then that people start talking again.

"How on earth did Amy find out?" Michelle asks,

"I dunno." Carla sniffs, shaking her head slowly because we don't know and we can only assume that she heard us talking about it or something.

"I always knew that Tracy Barlow was trouble." Norris says being his usual obnoxious self, "I mean imagine making poor Carla take all the blame." I want to tell him to shut up but Carla isn't listening anyway. Her eyes are almost glazed over as she stands outside my Dad's place.

"Carla?" Michelle says, moving slightly towards her as the young boy who I think is Kal's son suddenly comes marching over to us.

"Tracy Barlow killed my Dad?" He says, looking at Carla with anger.

It's an anger which I'm sure is not aimed at her, just the situation but she flinches and then nods. The boy pauses for a moment, like he is taking it all in and then he storms off, presumably towards his house.

"Zeedan wait!" The girl who was with him cries, she has tears in her eyes as she runs after him.

"I can't believe any of this." Mary Taylor says, as if she has come out of nowhere.

This is all getting slightly ridiculous now... I mean people are literally popping up like daisies.

"Fancy her own child calling the police on her as well." Norris then adds, and all eyes are still on Carla at this point.

In the distance I notice that Simon is walking his bike up the road, he looks at all the people, follows their gaze over to me and Carla.

"Dad?" he says, he comes over to us and on his way he hears somebody say,

"That Victoria Court fire... it was Tracy Barlow... can you believe it? Yeah... she's just been arrested for it." Simon's eyes widen then he looks at Carla who looks as if she's about to burst into tears at any moment.

"Dad?" He trails off when I nod and say,

"Maybe you should go and tell your Mum Si... so she doesn't ave to hear it from one of these vultures." Simon nods, hops on his bike and then he rides off towards his flat. Carla shakes her head at me and says,

"Peter... Simon shouldn't ave to tell her... he's just a kid... just like Amy."

"Trust me Carla... she'd prefer to hear it from him then one of these idiots." I say looking at everyone who is still staring at us. Michelle nods at her and says,

"He's right." Carla just ignores us and continues to look completely devastated.

"We should probably get her inside." I say but of course like clockwork, Sophie Webster comes out of her house because she's obviously heard all the commotion and wants to know what is going on.

She sees Carla first and looks at her in anguish but only because she still believes that the fire was Carla's doing and as she joins her mother she says,

"What's happening Mum?" Sally goes to say something as Carla closes her eyes.

"It's Tracy…" Sally begins but I'm still watching Carla who takes another deep breath and then when she opens those beautiful eyes of hers, they are tear filled and they are looking directly at me.

People are still watching her like she's some form of entertainment and I know just how much situation was something that Carla had wanted to avoid.

Other when she's lording it up over everyone at work she hates being the centre of attention, even at the best of times like birthdays and as more and more people keep stopping on the pavement, the staring is only beginning to get worse.

I'll say one thing though, there are a lot of very sorry looking people right now.

I bet they are all hating themselves for the way that they have treated Carla.

They are all quiet now because nobody quite knows what to say, no one is sure who should bite the bullet and say they're sorry to Carla first.

She's still wearing my navy shirt and because it's so big for her, she looks smaller than ever.

Really vulnerable, as if she truly has no fight left in her.

"Peter…" she says, her voice breaking and her lip wobbling. She's almost shaking as I reach out and pull her towards me.

"Hey… it's okay." I say, kissing Carla on the head as Sophie rushes over the road to us. She also has tears in her eyes as she has obviously just heard the news that Tracy is responsible for her girlfriend's death.

"Is it true?" She asks frantically, she's looking at me because Carla has her face buried in my jacket. She has a hand rested on my chest and I swear I can feel her hear racing. I nod at Sophie and say,

"Yes… it's true."

Sophie looks absolutely mortified as Carla cries into my arms.

The whole neighbourhood is practically out at this point and all I want is to get Carla off the street.

None of this is fair on her and I know the last thing she wants to be doing is crying in front of all the people who blamed her for something that my sister did.

My sister.

My sister did this because her fiancé killed my mistress and Carla was the one who did the right thing and called the police.

I can't help but feel responsible for all of this… I still blame myself and I know that if I had of been a proper husband to Carla that of course, none of this would be happening right now.

I feel a lump in my throat as Carla's sobs deepen and the sound of her muffled crying is utterly heartbreaking but I know that I cannot lose it too.

I have to stay strong to help Carla heal, I cannot make this about me.

She needs me to remain tough, she needs me to protect her.

I'm still not sure where me and her are…

I still don't know how I would describe our current relationship but what I do know is that for the first time she is the weaker one, she's the one leaning on me, she's the one who has fallen and I have to do my very best to pick her back up again.

"Michelle can we go inside." I say because I can't exactly take Carla back to my Dad's where Amy is still sobbing over what she has done to her mother.

"Of course." Michelle says, opening to door to the pub so that we can go in. I take Carla with me as I walk and as we go inside I hear,

"Carla! I'm sorry!"

It's Sophie's voice and I wonder if Carla has heard it, then again I'm not sure that it will make any difference even if she had.

She doesn't want apologies, even I've come to realise that they won't help.

She just wants this all to be over so that she can move on with her life.

I wish I could skip forward to a few weeks later to when Tracy starting the fire would be old news and that Carla could truly start to move on with things.

We go into the living room of the pub and Michelle goes into the kitchen and says that she is putting the kettle on… I think she just needs a few minutes that's all.

It's a lot to process and even when I found out I needed time to try and get my around it.

I still have Carla in my arms and even though it's a devastatingly good feeling to have her close, I try to shake her free so that she can sit down but instead she clings onto me for dear life and says,

"No."

"Carla… it's okay, we're inside now." I say trying to look down at her but she doesn't budge. "Carla… darlin… your safe… it's just me and Michelle in ere."

There's a moment or two where I think that she won't move, where I think I'm going to literally have to push her away from me but then she breaths in deeply.

She lifts her head up slightly and glances around the room we are in. She exhales, blowing her hair out of her face and looks relived to see that we truly are inside.

"I'm sorry… it just got a little too much out there." She said, looking up at me but with both hands still clutching to my jacket.

"Hey… don't apologise… as long as you're alright… that's all that matters." I say softly,

"Peter..." I brush some hair out of her face as she says my name and she says it in that same way she said it before when we were outside and it's in a way that I simply cannot take.

It's full of love and also full of fear and then she says it again, like she's going to ask me something.

"Peter..."

"Yeah?" I ask, my head moving closer to hers by the second, for a moment it feels like we might kiss but we think twice as Michelle comes back into the room looking concerned but she only has to look at the way Carla is still holding on to me before she smirks slightly.

"Am I interrupting again?" She asks, Carla doesn't say anything this time and let's Michelle wonder, as I am the one to shake my head.

"Nah… I'm just waiting for this one to put me down." I grin, trying to make this a slightly light hearted situation.

"Mmmm and what if I don't?" Carla sniffs.

"Then it looks like you're going to be sitting on my lap." I smirk as Michelle smiles and rolls her eyes at us.

"D'ya fancy a brew Peter?" She asks, I nod at her as Carla reluctantly lets go of me and sits down on a chair.

"Thanks Chelle." I say, going and sitting next to Carla, She's got her head in her hands and she stays silent until Michelle comes back carrying two coffees.

"There…" Michelle says, nudging Carla. "Get that down ya neck."

"I'd rather ave a bottle of wine to be honest with ya Chelle." Carla says, lifting up her head but accepting the coffee anyway because she knows the wine thing is not going to happen.

There's one hell of a long silence between the three of us and I'm starting wonder if it's because I'm here.

I wonder if maybe I should give these two best friends time to talk so I get up and then Carla says,

"N just where are you going?"

"I was gonna give you two a minute or so… Y'know… so you can talk… without me."

"N why would we wanna talk without you?" Michelle asks as if I'm just being dense… Which I probably am.

"I dunno… I just thought you might want to." I say and it comes out so ridiculous and awkward that Michelle and Carla both laugh.

"Sit ya backside down Peter Barlow." Carla says and for the first time since we before we got to my Dad's she is smiling again. She actually goes as far as yanking my arm and pulling me back into my chair as Michelle picks up her coffee cup.

"You're such a pillock sometimes." She says, watching me with such affection that I cannot help but lean forward and leave another kiss on her forehead. She smiles that stunning smile of hers as Michelle shakes her head at both of us.

"Look at you two eh? Loves young dream… I'm glad you've decided to give things another go." She says.

Me and Carla both pause.

Our eyes both widen and we both look at each other and then laugh… I'm glad we are both laughing here because other wise this could be very awkward.

"Chelle…" Carla begins, "We haven't decided anything… Not yet."

"We're kinda just… Taking each day as it comes." I say nodding along with Carla. Michelle looks dejected and then shakes her head again.

"I'm guessing that wasn't the answer you were hoping for then." Carla says taking a sip of coffee.

"Well… No." Michelle says, "I mean you said earlier that you were coming over to talk to me and I assumed it was that… Although…. Now I realise it was probably more to do with this whole… Tracy thing." Michelle delicately says Tracy's name as if hearing it would cause Carla pain. "So…" she says, sipping coffee before she continues with, "What on earth was Tracy doing in your flat?" Carla sighs and shakes her in a way that says don't ask. I decide to tell Michelle instead so that Carla doesn't have to.

I tell Michelle everything that Tracy told us, about the ridiculous pub story and how Carla has "everything" and how Tracy thinks that she has "nothing". I tell Michelle it all whilst Carla drinks her coffee and when I finish all Michelle can say is,

"Wow."

"I know." I say, picking up my own coffee and drinking it. Carla looks down into her mug as if she can see her reflection in it and there's another silence, which is once again broken by Steve. He comes into the room with alone and looks worried, as if he has interrupted something.

"Sorry." He says awkwardly,

"Hey… how's Amy?" Michelle asks, as Carla looks up from her coffee cup. She's watching Steve and I know she is desperate to find out what exactly prompted Amy to call the police.

Then again we all are, we all want to know what drives an eleven year old to call the police on her own mother.

"She's…" Steve shakes his head in disbelief as he sits down next to Michelle, who puts an arm around him. "She's… Totally devastated."

"What happened? I mean how did she find out?" Carla asks, I can see the guilt on her face and I hate it.

"She said that she overheard it last night, that she overheard and that even though Tracy said it wasn't true… she didn't believe her." Steve explains, "She said that she couldn't believe that her Mum would do something so horrible to Carla and that it wasn't fair… She saw how much everyone didn't like Carla... how mean they were and how sad Carla had become... She said now she knew she had to do what was right and call the police. She said us grown ups complicate things and that none of us would ave been brave enough to do it... which is why she did it."

"Poor kid." Michelle says, with her arm still around Steve as she kisses him on the cheek. "That takes real guts… to call the police on her own mother."

"Where is she now?" Carla asks, still worrying more about Amy than anything else.

"She said she wanted to stay with her granddad." Steve says, Carla nods at him and then looks down again at her cup.

I wonder what's going through that beautiful mind of hers as she continues to sit in silence, Michelle leaves Carla to it and just asks me loads of questions instead and then there's another interruption.

Our heads all swivel over to the door where Liz is stood, with Sophie Webster.

"Carla…" Sophie says nervously, "Can I please please talk to you?" Carla looks as if she's thinking it over for a second but she eventually nods at Sophie.

Steve, Michelle and Me all get up simultaneously but as Sophie comes into the room, Carla reaches out and grabs me by the jacket again, like me walking out the room means that she won't be able to go on.

"Don't go." She begs, looking up at me as Sophie sits where Michelle was sat. Carla then looks at Sophie and says, "Please… can he stay?"

"Of course." Sophie nods, speaking softly because she can see how delicate Carla is right now.

I sit down as Steve and Michelle leave the room and close the door behind them.

"Carla…" Sophie begins, she's obviously finding this all incredibly difficult and I feel slightly intrusive being here, I feel like I should go but I don't because Carla obviously needs me here.

"Don't apologise Sophie." Carla says, leaning forward and taking one of the hands that she has rested on the table. "I really really don't blame you for the way you acted, you thought I was the one responsible for Maddie's death… you had every right."

"No…" Sophie says, with tears falling down her cheeks. "That's not what this should be about." Carla looks confused and bits her lip as Sophie shakes her head. "I should be saying Thank you."

"Thank you?" Carla says, shaking her own head this time.

"Yeah… you gave Maddie a chance… you gave her a job and you really changed her life. You made her feel like she was worth something." Sophie says in between sobs. "She really liked you Carla."

"Really?" Carla asks, genuinely surprised by this, as if she is some sort of monster instead of the amazing woman that she is.

God, I wish she saw her self how I do.

"Yeah… she'd heard a lot about you from the others and she really really admired you. The way you'd built the business up and the way you had got through everything with…" Sophie trails off slightly and we all know that she is talking about what I did.

There's a slight awkward silence before Carla says,

"I really liked her too. I used to wish I had had it so together at her age… She were so clever, so pretty... and I know she really made you happy."

"She really did." Sophie says sniffing. "Y'know… she used to say that she thought you were stunning… inside and out." Sophie is smiling now, it's a sad one but it's still a smile. "She really wouldn't have liked the way I treated you… she would ave said it was just an accident Soph… let it go… and I've been trying to. After I saw you in the cafe I wanted to speak to you... I just… I miss her so much." Sophie is actually in fits of tears now.

Carla reaches over and pulls her in for a supportive hug, this is where I try and make myself look busy and I get up to collect out coffee mugs.

I take them into the kitchen and let Carla and Sophie have a moment together. I can still everything so I hear Sophie eventually speak again,

"I know it's too little to late... but I am so so sorry Carla." She cries, Carla shakes her head and says,

"What did I say about apologies eh? We just all ave to try our hardest to move forwards ere." Carla's crying too now but there's a certain look about her that shows me she is almost relieved.

It shows that even though she didn't want this apology it has meant more to her then she has realised, that all of this going to be a part of her recovery.

"I still can't believe that Tracy…" Sophie begins but then she turns to me and stops talking.

"None of us can." Carla says sniffing, her eyes are staring at me even though she is talking to Sophie.

"Let's just hope she gets what's coming to her." Sophie says as I walk back into the living room. "Sorry Peter… I know she is your sister but…"

"Don't mention it." I say, sitting back down next to Carla.

There's a silence before Sophie gives me and Carla a small smile, she's not looking at our faces but down at our hands which instantly joined together when I had sat down.

It wasn't like we had planned it, it just happened.

"Well… I'll leave you both to it." She says softly as she gets up off her chair.

"Thanks for coming ere Sophie." Carla says, Sophie nods at her, still with tears in her eyes but she is smiling at Carla and it's so good to see people other than me, Michelle and Roy smiling at Carla, that I end up smiling too.

"Bye." Sophie says on her way out of the room, Carla and me both say goodbye too and then are left well and truly alone.

I then feel Carla lean over and rest her head on my shoulder, I love just how much she is leaning on me right now.

It makes me feel wanted, needed and I honestly feel as if I have a goal in life.

Obviously I know I need to be here for Simon and he is truly the most important thing in my life… but Carla… I honestly feel like after all this... we might have a future together.

"That wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be." Carla says, "It was nice… to talk about Maddie like that."

"She seems like she was a really good kid." I say because even I'd met her a few times but never really got to know her.

"She was." Carla says with a sad sigh.

"It sounds like we ave a lot in common." I say, which makes Carla sit up and look up me to see what I'm getting at. "Well… It just so happens that I think you're stunning too." I say, Carla smiles cutely down at her lap and then rests her head against me again.

I put my arms around her and pull her closer because I love the way she clings on to me and as her arms slide around me she says,

"You know what… I think… I'm gonna be okay."

It's the first time I've heard her say this out loud and I can honestly say the sound of that little sentence has made me feel so proud that I could burst.

She is going to be okay, I can feel it.


	17. Normal

It's been a good few days since I found out about Tracy.

Life has been pretty mad… if I'm honest and I don't know whether I've been coming or going.

After Sophie's apology they just kept on coming.

The Nazir's showed up at The Rover's later that night and were all in floods of tears as they apologised to me for the way they have "treated" me.

I nodded and told them the same thing that I told Sophie... that I didn't blame for it and that I just wanted to move on.

Then as I walked home, I saw a few of the factory lot, Beth, Sinead and Kirk. Of course they were full of guilty words too but I just let it all wash over me...

All I want is for this to be over.

I'm strolling very slowly to work because I really don't feel like going in right now.

The machinists love to gossip as it is without their own boss being the centre of so much drama.

I'm so lost in thinking of ways not to go into work that I bump right into Leanne. She looks exhausted and has dark circles underneath her eyes.

I don't know what to say to her at first, which is odd because Leanne and me have never been strangers to exchanging sharp words with each other.

I wonder if she is going to speak but then the craziest thing happens...

Leanne just throws her arms around me and bursts into tears… right on the street in front of everyone.

"Carla I am so sorry." She sobs, tears streaming down her face.

"Leanne..." I swallow, "It's fine... I understand."

"No it's not fine... Carla I might ave been trying to ignore you for weeks but I aven't been able to stop myself from watching you." Leanne says with her arms wrapped around me tightly as she speaks and I find myself struggling to stand upright because her embrace is so strong.

"What d'ya mean?" I ask.

"You've been going through hell... I've seen ya." Leanne cries, Norris and Rita are both walking towards the Kabin as Leanne sniffs into my chest so I tap her on the shoulder and say,

"Leanne... people are looking." I push her away from me slightly and drag her over to the bench outside Audrey's.

"Sorry..." She sniffs again.

"Stop saying sorry." I sigh as we both sit down.

"I saw how upset you ave been... I saw how much what everyone was saying about you was getting to ya and I did nothing... in fact I probably just made it worse right?"

Okay... so she did make me feel worse.

Especially after she heard me speaking to Peter that time but I'm not going to say it to her.

I just shrug at Leanne and sit there hopelessly as she wipes her eyes.

"You can't change the past Leanne." I eventually say, "There's no point in trying... we just ave to move on... I just ave to move on... and get back normal."

"Whatever that is eh?" Leanne says and she actually has a hint of a smile as she says it.

"Yeah..." I laugh and then she laughs too. It's was a little one but it's nice to actually laugh along at something with Leanne for once.

It's still crazy to think that me and her were such good mates at one point.

"So... what's happening with Tracy then?" Leanne eventually asks.

"Tracy..." I sigh, "Tracy's been... released."

"What?" Leanne cries.

"Well... as far as she is concerned and as far as the police are concerned... it was an accident. She didn't mean to set my flat on fire and whilst she didn't report it, the police can't really do much." I explain.

Tracy came home this morning and when I found out I was angry too.

Even thinking about it now gets my blood boiling and I've had a few hours to process it all.

"Well..." Leanne says, breathing rigidly and shaking her head. "Just because the police aren't doing anything it doesn't mean people around ere are going to forget."

"You're telling me?" I sigh.

We talk a little more about Kal and the fire before ending up in a little silence but it's not an awkward one, it's actually rather companionable and then Leanne turns to me and says,

"So... how's Peter taking all this?"

"Peter?" I ask, suspiciously wondering why she has half a smirk on her face.

"Yeah..." She grins, "I hear you two have been very... close over the past few days that's all."

"He's... shocked but... he's doing okay... we're doing... okay." I grin, "Oh stop looking at me like that will ya Leanne, it creeps me out." I say because she is still smirking in this totally smug way. She laughs again and sniffs sadly before getting up off the bench.

"I know he's been a bit of a prat in the past..." She begins and I raise an eyebrow. "Okay more than a bit..." We laugh as I get up too. "But from what Si's been telling me and from the way you smiled when I mentioned his name... I reckon you'll be doing more than okay." She says, before giving me a sad little wave before walking off.

That was weird but lovely all the same.

I hope that one day me and Leanne can be proper mates again because I do miss her.

I shake my head but I can't help but smile stupidly as I make my way to work. I'm in a ridiculously good mood until I see Tracy.

She's actually had the nerve to leave the house and is looking at me in aguish, then Ken appears.

He looks at me and I know he is about to start apologising so I just nod at him and then walk on.

I nodded like I have been doing when everyone apologises to me.

I know it sounds selfish and ungrateful but I'm getting pretty damn tired of the word _Sorry_.

As the day goes by more and more people keep stopping me, They keep saying that they wish they had of known, that they feel so bad and that they want me to know how much they regret the way they acted and all I keep thinking is…. SHUT THE HELL UP!

I know they must feel guilty but I've tried to make it clear that I don't blame anyone for the way that they treated me.

I've tried to tell everyone that I just want to move on but none of them seem to get it.

Well…

Alright, that's a lie.

There is one person who understands.

Peter.

He's been fantastic, simply amazing in fact.

I don't have to explain myself with him... it's like he just gets it.

He knows that I just want to get on with my life, in fact he hasn't even mentioned the word fire.

He's sitting with me now at Roy's, we're squashed up on an old armchair watching this incredibly boring documentary on owls.

Yes you heard right... owls.

Obviously Roy has chosen what we are watching.

Obviously Peter and me have no interest in it but Roy was supposed to be out tonight with Cathy so I called Peter round. We were sat on the sofa chatting when Roy and Kathy came bounding in to watch this documentary because they couldn't believe they had forgotten about it as they had been waiting for it for weeks.

Cathy and Peter introduce themselves as I smiled at Roy because he looked so embarrassed.

I'm not sure if it's because Cathy is here or if he thinks he has interrupted something.

We could have gone out… we could have gone to the pub but I can't stand to be around people at the moment. All those nosy people in the pub will only drive me up the wall and we can't spend time together at Ken's because I feel really uncomfortable there.

Especially since Tracy is back.

We could have gone in my room I suppose but… well lets just say it's rather hard for Peter and me to keep our hands off each other at the moment and the idea of us going into a small room with a bed in it doesn't bode well with me.

Me and Peter were almost taking up the whole sofa but it was pretty obvious that Roy and Cathy aren't going to sit on the armchair together, so Peter and me got up off the sofa and let them sit down on instead.

I went to make teas and coffees for everyone and when I came back and handed them their drinks, Peter was sat in the armchair with a smirk on his cute little face.

I rolled my eyes at him and told him to move up so I could sit with him, he patted his lap suggestively but he moved up anyway.

He's so cheeky and I love it.

I still feel so safe and relaxed with him around and I'm almost having fun sitting and watching this mundane show about owls.

Halfway through the show, Peter smirks as I edge closer to him, there is literally no space on this chair as it is so I raise one leg so it's hanging over one of his.

Peter glances over at Roy and Kathy, who are genuinely transfixed by this show on the BBC so they don't see him put an arm around me. I snuggle up even closer and wrap my arms around his body, glancing at Roy again to make sure that he is not finding this a little too much.

I mean me sitting with my arms around Peter is something that I used to always do but Roy isn't like everyone else, he can get rather uncomfortable in the most normal situations.

Still, he is totally engrossed in the television and so is Cathy so Peter and me don't need to worry about being watched.

Which means me and Peter don't hesitate to get just that little bit closer.

It's helps that it's getting pretty dark in here because the sun is setting and we don't have a light on, the only light in the room is coming from the TV in fact.

Peter is fully aware of how dark it is and nuzzles his nose against my neck. It feels so good and I don't pull away but I do whisper,

"Watch it you… we ave company."

"Company that is fascinated by Owls." Peter whispers back with his eyebrows raised and so he doesn't disturb the television.

"Well owls are seriously misunderstood creatures." I smile.

"Oh yeah…" Peter says, his face is literally touching mine as we speak and I love it.

"Yeah…" I reply although I have no interest or knowledge about owls.

"I gotta say... when I came back ere I never imagined I would be sat in a dark room with Roy Cropper and his new girlfriend." Peter whispers, his breath is hot against my skin and I shiver because of it.

"I don't think they are an official couple..." I say quietly.

"Yet." Peter says, glancing back over at them.

"Yet? Y'know a man and a woman can just be mates without anything else happening." I say because even though I want him to be happy the thought of him with anyone else than Hayley makes me sad.

"N is that what we are?" Peter asks, suddenly so serious. "Mates?"

Is he being deliberately dense here or is he actually wondering if we are mates?

"Well that depends..." I begin, entwining my hands with his and looking down at them both. "Do ya wanna be more than mates?"

"What do you think?" Peter asks with chuckle. I don't have to say anything to him, I'm sure he can tell by the look on my face and he before I can answer he kisses me.

I don't remember anything else about the owl programme after that.

The light suddenly goes on and we are almost blinded it by it as Roy clears his throat.

I look at the TV which has the documentary's credits rolling.

I guess Peter and me got slightly carried away.

"Erm… can I interest you in a spot of dinner?" Roy asks, Peter nods whilst I try not to look so sheepish.

"Yes please." I eventually say, getting up of Peter, who I have somehow almost ended up sitting on top of and going into the kitchen with Roy. "Can I help?"

There's a silence.

One that lasts for way too long before Peter bursts into laughter…

"Oi…" I say, a little disheartened. I only offered to help because I feel bad for how long I have been staying at Roy's and I want to try and be useful.

"Sorry darlin but the words help and kitchen don't usually come out of your mouth." Peter says, Cathy laughs at him as I turn to Roy and look hopeful.

"You… can help." Roy says, bravely at that. "How about we make have a simple omelette?"

"Just as long as it is simple." I nod although I actually have no idea in what goes into making an omelette. I mean isn't it just a fancy fried egg?

"Are omelettes okay with you two?" Roy asks, looking at Cathy and Peter.

"Sounds good to me." Cathy says, getting up off the sofa and sitting at the dining table. "Me and Peter can get to know each other whilst you make it." She says.

I look over at Peter who nods at Cathy intrigued and goes to join her at the dining table.

I am suddenly a lot more interested in what Cathy and Peter are going to talk about it rather than this omelette but I said I'd help now so I gingerly walk into the kitchen and say,

"Okay… so where do I begin?"

This omelette goes to plan but that's only because Roy does most of the work whilst I just do the unimportant bits.

I convinced Roy to make chips to have with our omelette and we are all sat eating in no time.

"So Peter… after being away for so long how are you finding being back ere?" Cathy asks, I look at Peter who smiles at Cathy politely because she doesn't know much about him and doesn't mean to pry.

"Well it were…" Peter looks over at me this time, "It were hard at first… very emotional but now… now I'm enjoying me self." He winks at me and I cannot help but smile foolishly.

"And how long are you planning on staying for?" Cathy asks, with no idea that the thought of Peter leaving is scaring the shit out of me right now.

"Well…" Peter says, swallowing a chip and now he is trying not to look at me. "I ave to go back at some point to sort a few things out with work but… I don't really ave any plans to go back at the moment."

I stay silent for a while and mess about with my chips. I really really don't want to think about him leaving but I do know that at some point he will have to.

He has a life down there and a job, he has responsibilities and I cannot expect him to just forget about all of those for me.

"Oh right…" Cathy says, "Hey... it must be really nice to be around Simon again."

"Yeah…" Peter nods, with the biggest and the most gorgeous smile on his face ever. "It really is… words can't describe how much I've missed him."

Hearing him talk about Simon with so much love was one of the first things that made me fall so in love with him and even now I love the way he speaks about his son.

"Awwww he seems like a really good kid from what I've seen." Cathy says, although I think she has met Simon like once so I think that she is just being polite.

"Well that'll have nothing to do with me." Peter says, shoving a chip in his mouth shamelessly as if he doesn't get that he is in front of people and that he should use his manners. "That'll be Leanne's good doing… all Si has got from me is a bad temper and a sarcastic undertone."

"That's not true." I say, interrupting him before he starts rabbiting on about how he hasn't been here for Simon and how he feels guilty. "He's got a lovely way about him… n so ave you." Peter is staring at me so intently that I can feel myself blushing as I eat some more of my omelette.

We continue eating and making small talk. Roy and Cathy tell Peter and me about this art gallery they went to and Cathy tries very hard to find out more about me and Peter without actually asking about us.

She says things like,

 _"You two get along so well."_ and _"You two are like peas in a pod."_

It's true I suppose, we are too alike for our own good sometimes.

When we've finished our meal, Roy says that he is going to go and drive Cathy home.

"See ya Roy… don't worry about the washing up… me n Carla will do it." Peter calls after him.

"Will we now?" I ask shaking my head because everybody knows I hate doing washing up.

"Yeah… it's the least we could do." Peter grins, taking me by the waist and pushing me towards the sink.

"Really cause I was thinking the least we could do would be nothing." I joke as Peter collects up all of the plates we used.

"What? Are ya worried about your nails?" Peter asks, glancing down at my bitten down nails which until recently were long and shiny. I close my hands so he can't see my shameful fingers and shake my head at him.

"No… I just hate washing up that's all." I say, he rolls his eyes at me and pulls me over to the sink again.

"How about…" He says, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me on my nose. "I wash… n you dry?"

"Or you could do both?" I grin, putting my arms around Peter's neck, "I mean I did do the cooking after all."

"Erm…" Peter chuckles, "I think it was Roy who did most of the cooking Carla."

"How dare you?" I say, "I think you'll find that I put all the chips on that oven tray… all by myself."

"Well in that case…" Peter says, as he leans in and kisses me.

We probably kiss for way too long again because there is the sound of the door and Roy appears again.

"Oh… Sorry." He says, clumsily.

I feel so sorry for him because he genuinely looks mortified that he has walked in on Peter and me kissing again... at least this time wasn't as bad as the last time though.

"Don't apologise Roy, This is your house." Peter says, letting go of me and going over to the sink.

He ends up doing the washing up and the drying up also whilst I follow Roy into the living room.

"So did ya ave a nice night then Roy?" I ask him, sitting down on the sofa as he takes off his jacket.

"Yes I did, did you?" Roy says, sitting down next to me.

"Oh yes." I nod "I've learnt a hell of a lot about owls and tomorrow I'm going to share my new knowledge with all the girls at the factory." I cannot help but look over to Peter who has his back to us but I'm sure who is listening to everything that we say.

"Are you going into work tomorrow then?" Roy asks.

"I… hope so." I say with a nod although I'm not too sure.

I didn't go in today.

I had every intention though.

I was on my way there but then I saw Ken and Tracy and I simply couldn't face a day behind my desk.

Normally my desk would be a place where I'd find comfort.

A place where I bury my head in the sand and throw my self right into work but that's what I have been doing for so long now that the thought of sitting there all day and trying to get back to normal, scared me.

It's insane because I've been trying to get normal back for days now and it was like once I had the chance… I just couldn't take it.

"I really do hope so Roy." I say again, like repeating it makes it more possible.

I had a thought earlier and It's been on my mind for hours now, I'm just wondering if I'm brave enough to actually go and do it.

"Me too, I am sure that once you are there that you will get back into the swing of things." Roy says.

I hope he is right, I really do because as much as I might complain I love my job.

Speaking of love… Peter comes back over and sits down on the armchair.

"Thank you very much for doing the washing up Peter, You really didn't have to." Roy says to him with a polite nod.

"Yes I did and You're welcome." Peter gushes, there is a look between us which makes me hold in a laugh and we sit together in the living room for a bit before Roy says,

"I'm feeling pretty tired and I have an early start in the cafe tomorrow so I think I shall be calling it a night."

"Night Roy." I say, smiling at him gratefully as he walks into his bedroom and leaves Peter and me to it.

"Night." Peter calls after him, getting up and sitting next to me on the sofa where Roy was just sat. "So…" he begins, smiling at me in a way that I know all too well.

"So…?" I grin as Peter moves closer to me and I can barley contain my excitement as he lingers in front of me.

"Goodnight." He says, kissing me on the forehead smugly and then getting up suddenly.

Oh I know that he doesn't think that he is leaving me here on my own tonight.

I haven't been on my own in days and there is no way that I'm going to be doing it tonight either.

He was here with me last night, on this very sofa in fact.

We had come back after a long day of apologies, I had sat down on the sofa with Peter and within minutes I was asleep… apparently because I don't actually remember falling asleep.

"Goodnight?" I repeat. "Where are you off to in such a rush eh?" I ask, frowning a little and getting up off the sofa.

"Well I reckon I've outstayed me welcome long enough don't you?" Peter says.

"No actually, I don't." I say pulling Peter towards my bedroom and shoving him in there.

He laughs as I close the door behind us and licks his bottom lip excitedly, he watches me for a moment and then gives me a very filthy grin.

"Don't get excited you…" I say with a raised eyebrow. "Nothing is happening in ere tonight… not with Roy in the next room that's for sure."

"Glad to hear it." Peter unexpectedly nods, sitting down on my bed, "Besides… it's way too soon." He adds.

Too soon?

Whilst I'm the first to admit that we still have a long way to go, If we were here totally alone… well things may be different right now.

Now I'm not saying that we would be picking up where we left off but Peter and Me have been fighting our urges for days and it's starting to get quite hard to ignore the fact that we both want each other.

"You almost look disappointed." Peter grins, "Are you?"

"Maybe I am." I grin back, as he kicks off his shoes. "Oh make your self comfortable why don't ya?" I say as he lies down on my meticulously maid bed.

"Well I might as well… if I'm staying the night that is."

"N who said your staying the night?" I laugh as I bend down and take off my boots.

"Well I can always…" Peter says as he gets up and goes to pick up his shoes.

"No…" I laugh as I kick them away from him and shake my head. "Stay… y'know you want to."

"You mean, I know you want me to." Peter smiles as I unbutton my jeans and pull them down. He smirks as he shuts his eyes and as I continue to get undressed and redressed into my version of Pyjama's.

It's just my underwear matched up with Peter's T-Shirt, which Roy has freshly washed and left in a neat pile with the rest of my clothes.

"Do ya want me to get undressed too?" Peter smirks, I laugh at him and brush through my hair as he gets underneath my duvet. It's silent as I wash my face with my cleanser and I'm halfway through moisturising when I turn to Peter, he is smiling at me with this intense stare, one that I can barley cope with.

"What?" I ask, "Ave I got summat on me face?"

"No... I've just missed this... watching you do all these little things like washing your face n brushing your hair."

"Really? I mean you've been ere for the past three days..." I say but I know what he is getting at and he knows as I know put down my moisturiser.

"Come ere you…" He says, holding the duvet up for me to get into. He leaves a soft kiss on my head as I lay down.

"Peter..." I say quietly, after a few moments of just listening to his breathing.

"Carla..." He replies back, I giggle quietly and snuggle up against him.

"I was thinking about what you said earlier... y'know about Portsmouth." I say, Peter nods, his beard tickles my chin as he does so.

"Yeah... Carla I was just saying that I will ave to go back at some point... it doesn't ave to be soon."

"Well... I actually think it should be..." I say,

"Eh?" Peter turns his head and looks at me and frowns. "Are you trying to get rid of me or something?"

"No..." I say and I mean it. "I just... well I've been thinking a lot today and I think I need to get away from ere... get some sun and space... I'm thinking of dropping into L.A to see Susie."

That was the thought I had... that I should maybe take a break and get some vitamin D.

Peter is quiet and doesn't say anything so I continue.

"Michelle kept saying I should have gone before... Y'know when everyone blamed me for the fire but I didn't want to go then, I thought people would think I was being a coward of something but now... maybe I should go."

Peter still doesn't say anything so I sit up and look at him.

"Peter... say something?" I say, poking him.

"Sorry..." he says, shaking his head and widening his eyes as if he is trying not to look upset.

"What... d'ya not think I should go?" I ask, thinking that maybe it's a bad idea after all.

"No... I think you should... it's just...I'm just going to miss ya that's all."

"Awwww..." I say with a soppy smile, "I'm gonna miss you too... but these past few days ave been so intense... I just feel like I really need to get some space."

"Y'know it sounds as if you need space from me?" Peter mumbles, which is what I really wasn't getting at.

"No..." I say shaking my head and gazing into his eyes. "Never..." I insist, nuzzling against him. "That's why I suggested you go back down south... I know being back ere n finding out about Tracy has affected you more than you're letting on so I thought that we could both take some time out n then maybe if we both come back round about the same time... we can see how we feel."

I'll still love him like mad and that's probably never gonna change but I still don't completely trust myself to make any proper decisions about anything yet.

"That sounds like a pretty good plan if I'm honest." Peter says, "So... you promise you're not getting fed up of me?" Peter asks, "Because it would be a hell of a lot cheaper to just tell me to get lost."

Bless him, he sounds so nervous. I have no idea why he thinks this way, I thought I had made it clear that I desperately need him around but clearly I haven't.

"No." I say firmly, "I promise I'm not getting fed up of you."

"Good." Peter says, putting an arm around me and kissing me on the cheek. "I was getting a little worried then." He says as I sink back down next to him.

"Well there was no need." I say, kissing him back and resting a hand on his chest. "I love you, you plonker" I then say, quietly but loud enough so that he can hear and I say it because it's the truth.

"Oi... there's no need for name calling." Peter says but I can tell he is secretly thrilled at what I just said to him. "I love you too." He then adds.

I can't express how much this moment means to me right now, all I can do is smile and close my eyes and just enjoy it. He's pulled me right up against him and I'm loving how close we have become.

Physically and emotionally.

I honestly feel as if we have been on a journey over the past week and whilst I'm still not sure what I am going to do without him, I think that I am going to go to L.A after all.

Just for a week to get my head together and relax.

Then after I get back... maybe then I can go back to normal.


	18. Sunshine & Smiles

**_Okay... so let me apologise first of all for forgetting to update this last week, I don't know how that happened._**

 ** _Then let me apologise for not updating Don't Let Go again on Sunday like I said I would, things happened which I really won't get into on here..._**

 ** _I have been so rubbish at updating recently but this weekend is due to be a quiet one (If it's not I might just runaway to a hotel for it ha ha) and I plan on dedicating it to catching up with everything on here._**

 ** _Thanks to those who have been sending me motivating messages on twitter, telling me not to feel bad and not to give up on my fics._**

 ** _I definitely won't be as doing this is a real escape for me._**

 ** _Anywho... that's enough of my ramblings and I hope you enjoy this chapter, thanks to all who have reviewed and don't forget to let me know what you think..._**

* * *

So… L.A was definitely a good idea.

Being here I just feel so… alive again.

Being somewhere where practically no one knows the shit that I've been through over the past month... well it's so refreshing.

The only person who knows about all of that is Susie and she is under strict instructions not to mention it.

After mentioning that I might come out here to Peter, I called Susie and asked her if it was okay for me to come over.

I meant in a week or so but she said come as soon as I want so I thought why not go now?

Sally and Alya had the factory sorted pretty well over those weeks where I was just reckless so I thought what harm is a few more weeks gonna do?

I booked a flight the moment I hung up the phone to Susie because I was scared that I might change my mind.

I'm glad I did it... I definitely needed this break.

I needed a break from Weatherfield, the people, the same boring streets, the horrible "July" weather and from Peter…

Yes Peter too.

As amazing as he had been I reckoned we could both do with some time apart.

It's hard to explain but we spent so much time together since he'd been back that I felt like maybe we should take a break... just to see how we feel afterwards.

He had to go back to Portsmouth anyways and sort out his life down there, he still had a flat and a job there so it made sense for him to go back too.

He left for Portsmouth the same day I left for California.

We're both taking two weeks out... away from each other, away from Weatherfield and whilst I still think that him and me needed some time away from each other to really think about our feelings and our future… I miss him like mad.

I miss him like... well _like the desserts miss the rain…_

I'm listening to that song right now actually and all I keep thinking about is Peter.

I'm sat in Susie's back yard, the sun is blazing hot, I have a huge glass of wine next to me with my headphones in… it's bliss and yet… I kinda wish I was back home.

Actually scratch that, I wish Peter was here with me.

Yeah... I wish he was in the lounger next to me in a crazy pair of shorts, soaking up the sun and the freshest air, I've breathed in a very long time.

It's been almost a week since I left the grey skies of Manchester and I'm slowly but surely feeling like myself again.

Peter drove me to the airport at seven am the day of my flight and he sat with me until it was time for me to go through security and board the plane.

We had a coffee together and even though we both knew that we'd see each other again in two weeks, we were both really sad to say goodbye.

It actually became really difficult.

We kept giving each other these pathetic looks and in the end, I decided that I just had to go.

I could have probably had another half an hour of Peter if I wanted but the fact that we were both going to be separated for fourteen days seemed to torture the pair of us.

There was this perfect kiss between us before I left his side.

One that I couldn't shake off for hours.

One that left me wishing I could feel that special forever.

Susie picked me up from LA.X airport and when I came out of the arrivals gate she was stood with this ridiculous little sign that said…

 _"Donovan, Connor, Gordon Barlow."_

Only the names, Donovan, Gordon and Barlow had a line drawn right through them, as if they had been crossed out.

Yeah… Susie thinks she is hilarious.

I have to admit though, I did chuckle when I saw her sign, even if it is totally inappropriate.

We flew into each other's arms and then Susie said,

"Do you like the sign? I gotta admit though, after what you've been telling me… I almost didn't cross out that Barlow part out."

"Oh give over." I said although I knew she was not going to shut up about Peter and in fact, for the whole car journey back to her place, all Susie did is talk about him.

As I looked out the window and saw pure sunshine, I just nodded away and answered Susie as best I could.

I seriously love L.A and the closer we got to Susie's place the more I couldn't wait to get out there and just do nothing.

Just sit on the beach, bench where ever and not actually worry about anything.

"Carla!" Susie said cried, obviously after I had spent way too much time lost in the gorgeousness of California. "Ave you been listening to me at all?"

"Corse I ave..." I lied.

"Oh yeah... we'll what did I just ask then?" Susie said, looking very unconvinced.

"Okay... I ave no idea..." I admit, I look at Susie who flashes me a dirty grin and says,

"I ask... about Peter... ave you n him... y'know... done the nasty?"

"No way..." I cried as if it was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

"Really?" Susie asked, "So how come all you're smiling so much? I'm serious, when I spoke to you a few weeks back you sounded totally lost and now... well now you haven't stopped smiling since you got off that plane."

"Because..." I say shaking my head.

"Because of Peter..." Susie grins.

"No... because I'm ere... n I'm happy to see you." I insist.

"And... because of Peter... I'm right aren't I?" Susie says, looking at me.

"Oh just shut up and keep your eyes on the road Susie." I laugh.

So... here's the thing about Susie and Peter… they got along like a house on fire.

They loved each other.

She adored him from the moment she met him that first time I took him to L.A.

She saw how happy he made me, she saw how perfect we were together.

She used to say that me and him were cut from the same cloth and that we were destined to be.

She said that me and Peter were in the stars and she was almost as heartbroken as I was when she found out that Peter cheated on me.

She said that she cried when I told her, that she couldn't believe it and that this was something that she would never ever get over.

Our Susie can be a tad dramatic sometimes.

Anyways, she spent the whole time driving to her place, saying she wished that I brought Peter with me so that she could give him a piece of her mind for being such a cheating scumbag and then so she could give him a gigantic hug… for being the one who saved me.

At first I scoffed at her but deep down I know that without Peter... I probably wouldn't be where I am right now…

And where I am... is paradise if I'm honest.

It took me a day to get past the horrible jet lag you get when you go to L.A but now I'm all caught up with the American time zone, I am loving it here... (If you don't include the fact that I am Peter-less of course.)

Susie couldn't take time off work last minute, so I don't see her during the day but it's all good because obviously I go shopping or for a walk down the beach which is literally ten minutes from hers.

The beach is heaven.

It's the perfect place for me to do some thinking and "soul searching" if you will, and I am genuinely feeling like my life is in such a positive place right now.

Whilst here, I have come to terms with the fact that Tracy is still walking around town pretty much unscathed by the fire.

I mean people wise, she's not doing too well, everyone pretty much hates her but then again she hasn't exactly been famous for having loads of mates in the past, so I'm sure she's used to it.

I know that when I go back I'll have to work my arse off to get the factory back up to scratch because whilst Sally and Alya pretty much ran the place, there are a few things that can only be sorted out by me… especially when it comes to the financial side of things but I am willing to make it my mission and I know that in a few weeks time everything will be back to normal… well I hope so.

If not… maybe I'll get some help in… there's a couple of almost family members that I can maybe call to help out… but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I'm hoping to start hanging out a bit more with Michelle again as well. Now I'm feeling more positive about myself. I've missed our nights in and out and I really don't give her enough credit for sticking by me for so long.

When I sit on that beach and I look out at the waves... I always try to think about the fact that I have so much to be grateful for.

A few weeks back I was feeling so damn sorry for myself. I was thinking that my life was just a huge mess and I was in a place of real darkness but now I've realised that it's not all that bad.

There are far… _far_ more people who have it a hell of a lot worse than me and that is something I must remember.

I don't always go out of course, some days I just stay at Susie's and relax by her pool.

Yes, she has a swimming pool in her back yard.

I'm sat there right now, on one of the sun lounger things whilst I'm waiting on Susie to come home from work, I am topping up my tan whilst listening to some of my favourite music.

It's about half past seven in the evening and I'm in the middle of painting my nails when my phone rings, I look over it because the only person out here who has my number is Susie and as she's driving, it most likely means the person calling me is back home.

It's Peter.

God, he's called me back.

I reach over and don't care that I've just smudged my nail polish as I scramble to answer the phone.

"Hello…" I say into it, excitedly because I can't wait to hear his voice.

I haven't spoken to him properly since at the airport. We both said that we'd text each other and stuff but that we wouldn't call as it was way too expensive and it might be good for us to maybe not speak directly to each other…

I'd love someone to tell me where we got these stupid ideas from because I've been craving the sound of his delicious voice for days now.

We've sent each other a few pictures, I took one of me on the beach and sent it to him with the caption, _"Wish you were ere."_ And then he sent me a miserable one of him outside his building in Portsmouth.

He was pulling this ridiculous face, one where he was almost pouting with jealously at the fact that I was on a beach whilst he was back home.

He looked so cute that I kept going back and having sneaky looks at the picture whenever Susie wasn't around but then she caught me looking at it and teased me about it for the rest of the night.

Anyways, this morning I caved and I called him at breakfast earlier but he didn't answer and I guessed that he was busy, so I just left him a message.

 _"_ _Hiya Peter… I was just calling but you didn't answer so I decided to leave this message… I errr guess your working or something like that but I just wanted to say that… Well… I know we said we wouldn't call each other n do stuff like this but... I just couldn't help me self… you don't ave to call me back or anything… I just wanted you to know that I… I really miss ya… I guess I just wanted to hear your voice but seeing as you haven't answered… well at least you can hear mine… all right then. Bye."_

I was quite put out with the fact that I got his message tone to be honest.

It reminded of me when I had first called him all those weeks ago and poured my heart out and I didn't want to be reminded of how I felt back then.

I'm such a different person now.

Susie was sat opposite me eating a grapefruit when I left Peter his message and when I hung up the phone, she shook her head at me and just raised her eyebrow.

She didn't say anything but I could tell what she was thinking… that I'm totally love-struck.

I guess I am...

I guess he really has wormed his way back into my heart but then again, if I'm being honest with myself, he never really left it.

"Hey… I got your message." Peter says and his voice is like heavenly music to my ears.

"Good…" I begin although I'm embarrassed to think he has heard my not so casual message and then I realise something, "Oh my god Peter… what are you doing up? It must be like two in the morning."

"Half two actually…" Peter says and I know it sounds crazy but I can tell that he is sat there grinning to himself as he speaks.

"So… how come you're awake?" I ask, putting the nail polish down and making myself comfortable in the L.A heat.

"Can't sleep… I kept replaying your message and thought screw this… I'm gonna call her." Peter says, he sounds tried now that I think about it, but I am so glad that he has phoned me that I don't even care how he sounds. "So… what time is it out there?"

"Half Seven." I say, taking a sip of wine and loving life right now… I mean if I can't have him here the least I can do is speak to him for a little while.

"N what are you up to?"

"Oh I'm just sat by the pool… sunbathing and chilling." I grin because I can practically see Peter's face as I speak.

"Oh brag much?" He moans, "You know it rained all day ere... all day. I mean I'm not expecting blistering heat but some sunshine would do. It is July after all."

"Rain? What is rain?" I joke and I hear Peter sigh on the other side of the phone.

"Seriously Carla… stop it… I'm so close to forgetting all about Portsmouth and joining ya." Peter says… he's joking… I think.

Oh… it would be so amazing if he was ere but I can't…

Nope, I'm not going to, I bite my tongue as Peter then says,

"How's Susie doing?"

"Good… really good actually. Business is booming. She won't stop talking about you actually." I say and sure enough, I see that she's home. She waves at me from the kitchen and I wave back as a curious sounding Peter says,

"Oh yeah… what's she been saying?"

I don't tell him about the fact that she is still livid about Tina.

Even though the reason she is so angry with him is because she genuinely loves him so much and the thought of him not being in my life was really hard for her to get used to. She used to always sigh about it down the phone to me and I used to think… _You should try being me love._

She's stopped all that now though, whilst she's still very annoyed about it, she can see what having him around over the past week and a half has meant to me and now all she keeps saying is… "When are you both going to get back together properly?"

I haven't actually given her a proper answer to that question yet actually because I don't know myself.

I don't know what Peter wants from this, he may say that he wants me back but I can't be one hundred per cent sure… not on the phone at least.

"Carla…" I hear and then I remember that he's waiting for me to speak.

"Sorry…" I giggle as Susie comes bounding outside with a glass of wine in hand. She sits down on the lounger next to and takes a sip of her wine as I say, "She's just glad we're on good terms that's all." Susie looks at me sideways and then mouths,

"Peter." at me which means I'm guessing that I've got some goofy look on my face and that it's totally obvious that I'm talking to him. I nod at her, which makes her nudge me in the side. I giggle as she spills wine everywhere.

"Watch it!" I cry.

"Watch what?" Peter says, sounding confused, bless him.

"Oh sorry… I was talking to Susie… she's just got in from work n spilt wine everywhere." I say as she gets up and runs to her kitchen.

"Oh is she back?" Peter says and now he sounds disappointed. "I guess I better let you go then…"

"No!" I practically shout because I so don't want him to hang up yet.

"No." Peter repeats.

"Yeah… unless you want to go that is…" I say as Susie comes back with some kitchen roll and starts mopping up her mess.

"No it's just you said that you n Susie were going to go out that's all."

"Oh… well we're not in a rush, some of her mates are coming so we're waiting for em… they tend to turn up an hour after they say they will but they are a right laugh." I say, "Besides… I'm not done with you yet." I can't help but grin even though I know that Peter can't see me.

Susie can and she rolls her eyes at me again as she finishes cleaning up the wine. As she gets up she leans in and says,

"Hey Peter…"

"Hey Sus…" Peter replies, as I put my phone on loud speaker because I know she'll want to talk to him.

"How you doing down in… Plymouth?" Susie asks, which makes Peter and me laugh.

"It's Portsmouth." I say shaking my head at her because she is useless when it comes to places in England other than London.

"Isn't that the same place?" She asks confused.

"No…" I laugh again.

"Oh… right… well wherever it is, I hope you're doing well honey." Susie says.

"Honey?" I scoff. "Since when?"

"Ohhh I think someone's getting jealous…" Susie smirks, speaking into my phone again.

"Uh as if." I say, as Peter is the one to laugh this time.

"Oh you so are…" Susie grins, "She misses you like crazy Peter…. She's always talking about you."

"I am not…" I shout giving Susie a nudge. She cackles away as she disappears back into her kitchen as I hear Peter chuckle and say,

"Well it sounds like you're having fun."

"I am… I really am… n how are you doing?" I ask because being in Portsmouth again must feel a little weird for him.

"Yeah… I'm okay." He replies not sounding convincing at all, I turn the speaker phone off now.

"Only okay?" I ask as Susie comes back and sits down next to me.

"Yeah… it's a little depressing … I mean I've realised that I really don't belong down ere to be honest… All I keep thinking is… I can't wait to get back up north." Peter says.

"So… are you going to come back to Manchester then?" I ask, sitting up a little and listening closely. "For good?"

"Yes." Peter says. "I'm coming home… for good."

That's all I need to hear.

"Oh…okay." I reply. I try not to sound too excited although my face must be a picture right now.

"Only okay eh?" Peter says and once again I can tell he must be smirking like mad.

"Well… I guess it depends doesn't it… is there anyone in particular that you're coming home for?" I ask coyly, Susie shakes her head at me with a grin as her own phone starts to ring.

"Well… Simon, me Dad and Amy…" Peter begins.

"Anyone else?" I ask, finishing off my glass of wine and even though I know he's doing it for me I need to hear it.

"Oh… and Norris… can't forget him." Peter says, and I can tell by his tone that he's sat thinking that he's a right joker.

"Is that it?" I ask.

"Well there is someone else… but I don't want to scare her… I mean after all… me n her aren't officially anything… and she might think me coming back to Manchester for her is a little too much." Peter says.

"Well maybe not… maybe she's secretly hoping that other than Simon... she is the reason that you want to come home so bad."

"Hmmm maybe… I guess me n her should probably discuss it... what do you think? Although maybe face to face." Peter says and then I hear him yawn.

"And not when you're totally exhausted I expect." I say as Susie hangs up her phone and says,

"Carla we're being picked up in five..." I nod at her and I'm guessing Peter heard what she said because he then says,

"Tell you what… I'm gonna try to get some sleep and let you go out n party but I'll definitely speak to you more about this beautiful girl tomorrow."

"Beautiful? You never said she's beautiful." I smile.

"Didn't I?... well she is… ridiculously so…" Peter says back, then he foolishly adds, "You realise I'm talking about you right?"

"Yeah…" I say, blushing slightly because even after everything I always feel like this when Peter calls me beautiful.

"Good…"

"Although I'm gonna end up looking very odd if I keep sitting out in the sun like this… I mean you should see some of the tan lines I ave." I say looking down at my brown legs and slightly less brown thighs from where I've been wearing different length shorts and skirts. My shoulders are even worse because I've been wearing various different bikini tops and vests whilst out here.

"Oh... I'd love to see your tan lines…" Peter says, and his tone of voice is so excruciatingly suggestive that I shake my head and say,

"And on that note… I'm going to hang up on ya..." I hear Peter chuckle infectiously into the phone and as I laugh back he says.

"Ave a good night won't ya… oh… n I miss you too by the way."

I try not to smile as love sickly as I feel but I do and Susie sees it as she stands up.

"Bye Peter." I say and then Susie leans into my phone and shouts.

"Bye Peter!"

"Tell Susie I said bye." He laughs.

"He said bye." I say to her as she picks up her phone off the table that's in between our sun loungers.

"Bye Carla…" Peter says and I say goodbye one more time before hanging up, other wise we'll be at this all night.

"What?" I ask Susie who is watching me again.

"Are you sure you two never…. You know…" She winks.

I know exactly what she is referring to as she winks suggestively at me like that and I shake my head truthfully and adamantly.

"I told you... we aven't done anything other than kiss." I say but the thought of what will probably happen the next time Peter and me see each other and are alone makes me smirk naughtily.

"Mmmmmhmmmm so what's that face for then?" Susie exclaims as I begin to walk away from her. "Don't turn your back on me Carla…" she laughs.

"I'm going to get changed for tonight…" I grin back before going back into her house.

She runs after me and follows me upstairs as I get changed into a dress for tonight.

She continues to not believe that Peter and me haven't had sex yet and goes on about it as I get dressed but I genuinely don't mind.

Even whilst we are out and she mentions Peter and all of her friends start agreeing with her… but I still don't care.

I swear I feel like nothing else matters but me right now and even though I'm missing Peter so bloody much…

I truly am happy.


	19. Radio

So I've been back in Weatherfield for about a week now.

I'm slowly but surely getting used to life back on the street but… my god... I cannot wait for Carla to come back.

Being here without her has been such torture.

She was supposed to be back the same day I was but she decided to stay in L.A for another week.

I won't pretend like I didn't feel like bursting into tears when I found out.

I had already packed up all my stuff and booked my cab to the station when she had phoned and told me about it all.

"I've been thinking and I'm gonna stay ere another week." She said.

Casually, like she hadn't of been thinking at all and like it was nothing.

She said she's been having so much fun with Susie that she couldn't bare to leave just yet and whilst I really don't blame her for wanting to get as much fun as sunshine as she can… I'm wondering if she's stalling coming back on purpose.

I wouldn't put it past her and again... I wouldn't blame her.

I mean yes, everyone knows that she is no longer the one who was responsible for the fire but there are lot of things that I think she is still running away from.

I just hope one of those things isn't me.

No, it can't be me.

I really get the feeling that she really depends on me at the moment, even if we are thousands of miles apart.

We've spoken pretty much everyday this week and we're definitely not ashamed of some very heavy flirting. The idea was to not speak to each other because we needed that time apart but there was always an excuse as to why we had ending up calling each other.

Hearing her voice has made my days so much brighter and all this time I've been without her has been ridiculously difficult.

Before he went off to school, Simon asked me if Carla and I are back together and I honestly had no idea what to say to him.

I mean I still have no idea how I would describe us right now... all I can say is that when we are together... things really seem as if they are perfect.

In the end I told Simon,

"We're not together but we're not not together…"

He gave me this very confused look along with a perfectly raised eyebrow and just said,

"Okay… whatever you say Dad."

I don't blame the kid for looking confused because I'm confused myself to be quite honest.

Me Dad mentioned me and Carla too this morning, He saw me sitting and staring at the clock and said,

"What time is Carla back?"

"About Seven I think." I said, it was only nine am and I was already counting down the hours.

"And what happens when she does get back?" He then asked, he followed it with, "You two really seem like you're on the right path to getting back together so...?"

I don't say anything.

I get lost in thinking about my relationship with Carla.

I guess we really do seem like a couple.

We kiss... a lot.

We've said that we love each other... a lot.

We talk about everything and anything, important stuff, stuff that we've probably never told anyone but also silly stuff, stuff that means nothing and yet it suddenly means the world because _we're_ talking about it.

Me and Carla.

Carla and Me... but we aren't officially together.

I've mentioned it to her, that we need to talk about things but all we've discussed it that we'll talk about it face to face.

So I guess face to face is what it shall be.

Now I know exactly what _I_ want from this situation… to be back with Carla for good and to prove to her that I really have changed but this is obviously not just about me.

In fact it's all about Carla... it always will be and it always should have been.

I came back to Manchester to help her and if us being almost together without actually being together help's Carla get back to normal and makes her happy then I guess my job is done.

Not that she's here though, it's been six and a half days since I got back and since I've had to put up with the fact that she's not here and I cannot stand it.

* * *

Her flight lands in two hours and eight minutes.

It's not going to be a moment too soon.

That's... if she comes back of course.

The day she was supposed to come back before was the day that she had decided to stay an extra week.

As I said, I had just arrived back in Manchester Piccadilly when I got her call about staying in California some more and as I said before… my heart literally sank.

I can't help the horrible feeling inside me, which is telling me that Carla isn't going to come back.

It's telling me that she really loves L.A, that she won't come back and I really really hate the idea of that.

I can't be without her.

These streets feel so odd without her, it feels like there is something huge missing only I know exactly what it is.

Tis not all bad though...

I adore being back near Simon again.

I'm staying at me Dad's of course and having Simon across the road again is pure bliss.

I don't know how I've ever lived so far away from him.

I don't know how I managed not being able to just pop outside and meet him for a drink in the cafe or a kick about in the park.

Whilst I seem to be droning on and on about Carla, I know that a huge part of me is back for Simon's sake.

He needs me more than ever right now, he's going through a lot and I have to be here for him.

He's found out a lot of stuff that he shouldn't have and I have to help him through it.

We're both getting along great at the moment and whilst he still has a LOT to sort out with Leanne I know that he'll get there with me around.

I know he'll learn to control his anger and that one-day everything will be sorted between the two.

One day maybe me, him and Carla can be a family again.

Dad seems pretty pleased to have me around, even if he doesn't admit it of course and Tracy… well Tracy should just be lucky there was no real evidence that she was in Carla's flat.

She's moping around and feeling sorry for herself as much as she can but to be honest, no one is paying her the slightest bit of attention.

She's sat in front of me right now at me Dad's table and she's staring down at a magazine looking downtrodden but once again me and me Dad aren't paying any mind to it. She deserves everything that she gets.

I keep looking at the clock and wondering if it's too early to go and get Carla.

She doesn't know that I'm coming. She said that she'll get a cab but obviously I'm going to be waiting for her at that arrivals gate.

At first I didn't think that going and picking her up would be a good idea.

I thought that she might not appreciate me being there and that it might be a little bit too much for me to be waiting for her like that but then I thought screw it.

I'm gonna be there whether she likes it or not.

I made the decision earlier on today to make it my mission to make her see that I've changed.

I want to show her that no matter what happens between us I shall always be there for her.

No matter where I am, where she is, if she calls me I will come running.

I was going to get Simon to come to the airport with me, I asked him but he adamant that he's staying at home.

He says he doesn't want to be a third wheel and that his presence will only make things awkward… those are his words not mine.

I look at the clock again and I see that it's only a minute since I last looked.

I get up and tell me Dad that I'm going for a cigarette and I hope that it will help pass the time.

It doesn't and in the end I've just decided to get en route to the airport anyway.

I'm hoping that there shall be a traffic jam on the way or something but of course the roads are clear.

Typical.

Carla's flight from L.A isn't due to land for another sixty minutes.

Why is time going so damn slowly?

I park my car and get myself a black coffee to keep me occupied during the hour wait, then again by the time she gets through security it'll probably be longer.

I had text Carla earlier. At stupid o clock, wishing her a safe flight but she didn't reply and I can't help but think it's because she hasn't gotten on the plane or something.

I swear if she doesn't come back in the next hour or so I will actually cry.

The next sixty minutes goes by so slowly that I'm not sure that it's actually moving.

Oh I cannot wait any longer and I'm almost on the edge of my seat by the time I've seen that her flight has actually landed.

When it comes up on the screen and I practically jump out of my chair. I run to the arrivals gate but there is already so many people there that I have to crane my neck to be seen.

I feel my phone go off in my pocket and I yank it out hopefully, praying that there will be a message from Carla on it.

There is…

 _Just landed! Flight was amazing… Will tell you more when I see ya. Mwah x_

I smile down at the message and don't reply as I know that I'll see her soon. I don't want to waste a moment looking down at my phone in case Carla walks out and I miss her so I stuff my phone back into my pocket and stare back ahead at the arrival gate.

Ten minutes go by before I finally see her.

She strolls out of the gate, her light brown hair shorter then it was the last time I saw her so I know that she must have gotten it cut. It's sitting just past her shoulders, which are a shade of golden brown. Her whole body is that colour if I'm honest. She's looking extremely tanned in her white vest and black jeans, she looks healthy and really happy too.

She's smiling broadly as she wheels her suitcase and walks along side this little old lady, who also looks very glamorous and is chatting away to Carla as they walk out together.

My heart is literally pounding right now as Carla gets closer and it's all I can do not to scream out her name and make a right fool of myself.

She's now looking down at her phone as I lick my lips nervously and take a deep breath before letting out a cheeky wolf whistle to get her attention.

She looks up instantly at the sound of my whistle and then she catches my eye.

There's this breath-taking smile between both of us and then she flies towards me.

She leaves her suitcase behind, pushes her way through the people who are in front of me and her arms are around me with in seconds.

I pull her tight against me and lift her off the ground as I hear her say,

"What are ya doing ere Peter?"

She drops the t in the middle of my name in her haste and it's honestly so damn good to hear that I hold her even closer if that's possible.

"I couldn't let you come all the way back in a cab could I?" I say as I hear Carla breathe in deeply and I put her down.

She doesn't answer me, instead she kisses me before I can even think about anything else.

She feels so good, she smells so good and I can't believe I almost thought twice about coming here to meet her.

Her hand is wrapped around the back of my neck as our lips meet and it's only when we pull away from each other that I see that the old lady has wheeled Carla's suitcase along with her own and she is grinning at the pair of us.

"Is this Peter?" says the old lady who has platinum white hair and a bright green cardigan on. She doesn't look like a typical mate of Carla's but they honestly look as if they are firm friends right now.

"It sure is…" Carla nods, with an arm draped over my shoulder, as if she is marking her territory.

"You said he was handsome." She says with a nod. Carla giggles sheepishly as I hold out a hand and say,

"Nice to meet ya."

"You too… The names Jolie." She says, moving Carla's suitcase over to her. "You left this behind you were in such a rush... although I'm not surprised given how gorgeous this Peter is." Jolie says as Carla lets go of me. She laughs again as she takes her suitcase and says,

"Awww thanks Jolie you are such a star." Carla then puts an arm around this woman, who I've never met and then she kisses her on the cheek. Jolie hugs Carla back and then says,

"Right I best be off, my son is over there and he's probably wondering what I'm doing yapping away to a pair of people that's he's never met… it was very nice to meet you Peter and Carla we must meet for a coffee soon." I look at Carla wondering if she really wants to meet this random woman for a coffee but it seems like she does because she nods and says,

"Deffo!" Jolie smiles at us both and then walks on ahead of us. Carla and I walk away too so we aren't so much in the way of the arrivals gate.

"So… how was L.A in the end?" I ask, not really knowing what else to say to this gorgeous woman who is stood before me.

"Perfect…" Carla beams, "Well… almost perfect." She then adds.

"Almost eh?"

"Yeah… almost." She says with a cute smile. "I can't believe you came ere… I mean I was secretly hoping you would but…" She doesn't finish her sentence.

Instead she shakes her head and kisses me again.

I know it sounds a little mad but it's like in this kiss I can feel just how much Carla has missed me. Not that it matters because she pulls away from me and says,

"Uh… You have no idea how much I've missed ya Barlow."

This confirms that she has missed me and I have to say I love it.

"Oh yes I do…" I nod, my forehead pressed against hers. "Because I've missed you even more."

"Mmmm I don't think it's possible." Carla says, shaking her head.

"Oh yeah? So why did ya stay away for so long eh?" I ask with a grin. Carla smirks back at me and moves backwards, taking hold of her suitcase handle. "And as lovely as she is, who's this Jolie?" I ask because I reckon she probably doesn't want to talk about stuff like that right now.

"Uh Peter she was a godsend!" Carla says as we begin walking towards the exit. "I met her at the airport right, we got to chatting whilst we were waiting to check in and I were feeling pretty sorry for me self because I couldn't get a first class seat on this particular flight…"

"Oh god…" I say sarcastically, "How on earth did you put up with sitting with all the economy peasants for all those hours?" Carla nudges me in the side and shakes her head but she knows that I'm messing about.

"Well if ya let me finish you'll hear that I didn't ave to after all because get this… Jolie some how gets us both upgraded to first class instead."

"Seriously?" I ask, watching as this little old lady, who is actually shorter than Carla, is walking ahead of us holding her sons hand.

"Yeah then when we're actually on the plane she's got all the staff waiting on us hand and foot. Free champagne and free chocolates… I don't know how she does it but it's like no one can say no to her." I watch as Jolie hugs her son once again and then tip toes so that she can kiss him on the cheek lovingly.

"Ahhh she looks like she is well cute." I say as me and Carla leave the airport and head to the car park.

"She Peter, Honestly she is such a little darlin." Carla says, "Guess how old she is…"

"Erm… seventy." I guess, vaguely at that.

"Eighty eight." Carla says with a nod.

"What?" I cry out loud. Jolie looked old but not that old.

"Yep." Carla says as I point out my car to her.

"N what was she doing in L.A?" I ask because I'm wondering what an eighty eight year old lady would be doing in Los Angeles.

"Visiting friends." Carla said, almost laughing as she speaks.

"Wow…" I say with a smile, thinking about Jolie and her gang of friends.

"I know… I hope I still get to go to L.A when I'm her age." Carla says, her newly cut hair blowing in the wind. I smile at her proudly and she smiles back at me but she doesn't know why I was smiling at her.

It's because a few weeks ago she couldn't stand to talk about her future or even see a future and now... here she was talking about being in her late eighties.

"What?" She asks as we get to my car.

"Well…" I say as I unlock it. "It's just… nice to hear ya talking about the future that's all." Carla nods at me and wheels her suitcase in my direction. She doesn't say anything but I know she knows that I'm thinking.

I smile as I lift her suitcase to put it in the boot and it's then that I realise how heavy it actually is.

"Jesus Carla… what on earth ave you got in there." I cry, She laughs as she opens the door to my car and gets inside it, not actually answering my question at all.

By the time I get into my car, she has already leant over and turned on the radio and as I start the ignition she turns it on to a station that is playing that Fifty Shades Of Grey song by Ellie Goulding.

"Uh… really Carla?" I say, but she's grinning at me and I can't pretend like I'm not totally loving this moment.

She's happy which means I'm happy.

"Oh don't be like that Peter… I actually really like this song." Carla says as I reverse out of my parking spot.

At first I couldn't tell if Carla's was being serious or not because she's not your top forty music type of girl but it's not long before she's singing along to the song at the top of her lungs.

 _"_ _You're the fear, I don't care, cause I've never been so high…"_ she sings as I begin to make our way out of the airport car park. _"…You can see the world you brought to life…"_

I'm trying my hardest to pretend like these song lyrics that Carla is belting out right now, mean nothing to me but it's hard to pretend like I don't feel like she is singing to me right now… although her singing voice is an acquired taste and as she tries to match Ellie Goulding's high notes, I cannot help but crack up with laughter.

"Oi… Are you laughing at my singing?" Carla says, midway through the chorus.

"No… course not." I grin, shaking my head and keeping my eyes on the road even though it's highly difficult to with Carla in the passengers seat.

So close yet so far.

It's only when I stop at a traffic light that I can look at her and each time I do it's like she gets more and more beautiful.

When the Ellie Goulding song stops and One Direction begins, Carla knows that it's time to change the radio station, she leans forward and flicks between channels until she comes to a song that she likes. It takes a while but she stops on a very old Mariah Carey song.

"You're not going to try and sing along to this are ya?" I ask worriedly.

"Cheek!" Carla cries as _Vision Of Love_ echoes through my car. She doesn't sing though, she just sways side to side and I assume she is typing a text message on her phone as I continue to drive us back to Weatherfield.

It's a journey that is filled with some pretty dreadful singing by Carla and I. We both sing along to some ABBA, Prince and then I sing along to a song that Carla claims that she has never heard of and she says that I only know it because I'm so old. After a while Carla then plugs in her phone and says,

"Right that's enough of that…" She scrolls through her music collection and I don't have to ask who she is going to play.

It's Lana Del Rey of course.

We both dramatically sing along to various Lana songs and then _Radio_ come on.

 _Radio_ is one of Carla's favourites and she gets ready to sing but this time she isn't messing around.

She's singing softly now, like she's really feeling the lyrics... as cringy as it sounds.

 _"_ _No one even knows how hard life was... I don't even think about it now because, I've finally found you…"_

I can't look at her because I'm driving but I smile and I think she's smiling too.

 _Lolita_ comes on after _Radio_ followed by _Video Games_ but neither of us sings along to that one… we just listen.. we just listen because that song will always be special to us. Then as I begin to drive towards home properly, Carla stops singing, She sighs instead and then says,

"Uh… don't Peter…"

"What d'ya mean?" I ask with a slight frown.

"Don't drive home." Carla says and as I stop at a light, I turn to look at her. She's staring at me intently. "I'm aving so much fun… Let's not go back yet."

"Really? Cause I don't reckon me ears could take much more…" I joke but Carla doesn't smile at me. She looks down at her hands and then back up at me in a way that I cannot resist.

"I'm serious… I could stay in this car with ya forever Peter… don't drive us back there… Not yet."

"Well… Where should I go?" I ask with a shrug.

"I dunno… somewhere…" Carla says, "Anywhere." She then pauses for a moment as I dither and then she lets out a sweet little giggle.

"Okay…" I say struggling to think of somewhere to drive that'll be open at this time.

It's about eight thirty pm and as I feel my stomach rumble, I end up driving to a drive thru McDonalds.

"Trust you Peter..." Carla laughs.

"You hungry?" I ask with a grin.

"Not really…" She says, "I mean it's about lunchtime for me but nah… I ate on the plane."

"Really?" I say because the idea of plane food sounds like hell to me.

"Yeah… not the plane food mind but I ate enough chocolates and crisps to make up for it."

"So I see you've still got those terrible eating habits then." I say as I queue up behind the cars in the drive thru.

"Says the man who has driven to McDonald's." Carla grins with an eyebrow raised. I drive up to the window and turn to her, before ordering.

"You sure you don't want anything?" I ask, she shakes her head at me but I roll my eyes and say,

"Can I get a double cheeseburger, a large chips, a coke and a banana milk shake please?"

The milkshake isn't for me, it's for Carla and she knows it. She smiles as I pay for the food and as I hand her the milkshake.

"Thanks…"

"You're welcome." I say as I park in the car park. I park there so I can eat my food and Carla snakes a hand into my bag of chips so predictably that I just shake my head.

"Thought you weren't hungry." I say, She grins as she puts a chip into her mouth and chews it before saying,

"Yeah well… you got a large chips… I know you got em to share em with me." I chuckle as I pick up my drink and as she puts the music back on.

We listen to it together and chat about the most random things before Carla says,

"Before we head back… I've got somewhere I wanna go… can we go?"

"Sure… where?" I ask.

Carla gives me directions and we end up driving to the Quarry, which is just outside of town. I park the car and when Carla gets out I wonder why on earth she has made us come here.

"Carla…" I say as I get out the car too. She's still got hold of her milkshake as she stands in front of my car. The sun is setting and the view looks pretty damn amazing so it's rather a nice place to be but I can tell by the way that Carla is staring ahead of herself that there is something behind this. "So… what are we doing ere?" I ask.

"Well… I'm glad to be back I really am I just… wanted a moment that's all… a moment with just us two." Carla says. "Just before we had back to the madness of Coronation Street."

"Sounds fair." I say watching Carla closely. "So... why ere?" I ask. She sighs nostalgically and then begins to speak.

"I used to come ere all the time…. back in the day with Chelle, Paul and Liam… Rob when he was old enough." Carla says reminiscently. She sucks milkshake through her straw and then looks at me. "It was our place y'know…. If one of us were in trouble and we hadn't come home from school then the other would know that we were ere…" Carla leans against my car bonnet and then sighs, in a way there tells me there is more. I sit next to her and wait for here to continue. "I hadn't been ere in years, hadn't wanted to because of all the memories…. But I… nearly came ere a few weeks ago."

"Yeah?" I ask, swallowing and looking at the edge of the cliff, which is suddenly looking so dangerous to me that I shiver.

I know why she wanted to come here... I just can't say it.

"Yeah…" Carla says quietly, "There were this one night where I couldn't think of nothing else… I nearly came ere… I nearly did and I nearly… well I thought about how it would feel to sit on the edge of that cliff… I thought about how it would feel to just let go… to just… drop off and never look back... I didn't though... Peter I am so glad I didn't... I'm glad i held on." A tear runs down Carla's cheek and I don't know what to say here, I just move up and I put my arm around her. "It's fine Peter…" she begins, but I'm too overwhelmed to speak. I actually have tears in my eyes.

"No… it's not fine." I eventually croak.

"Yes… it is." Carla says with a nod. "It's fine because I'm… fine. I'm okay now… I'm not aving those thoughts… I'm not in that dark place… not any more and that's because of you, so believe me when I tell you that things… they really are fine." She smiles and me and moves in and hugs me as I try to fight the tears that are in my eyes.

We hold each other close for the longest and most quiet time.

One where, the sun sets behind us and we just appreciate this peaceful time together.

"Come on…" Carla says, with a sigh as she pulls away from me. She kisses me softly on the cheek and says, "I'm knackerd... Let's go home." I smile at her and nod as she gets off the bonnet of my car. She opens the passenger door and with a grin she says,

"Right... what we listening to? Any requests?"


End file.
